What Holds Most Men Back From Creating The Marriage They Really Want
It’s “bizarro world” when your marriage starts to fall apart. Things that used to make sense no longer makes sense.
You’re used to a world where a “problem” needs to be “fixed”.
You’re not in Kansas anymore. “Fixing the problem” is exactly the OPPOSITE of what you should be doing.
I know. Sounds bizarre, doesn’t it? But why is it true?
Men who try to “fix their marriage” are facing some of the scariest feelings they have ever had. And it’s this FEAR that makes them do the most INEFFECTIVE problem solving tactics. Things like:
TALKING about things…all the time…deep and heavy talks
ASKING QUESTIONS all the time…and waiting for answers
EXPLAINING and JUSTIFYING your concerns until midnight
DEMANDING that she give you clearly worded answers and a daily dose of certainty that everything is okay.
Do any of those sound familiar?
Here’s what works.
STOP making this worse…immediately. Take a step back.
Get outside and breathe.
Next?
START thinking smarter. You can’t talk yourself out of a situation you behaved yourself into. And all that crap above is just more of the same! Talking, asking, explaining and demanding.
This is starting to make sense, isn’t it?
Watch this video to learn what the NEW THING is that will actually make a difference for you.
This is the thing SHE LEAST EXPECTS from you. And the only explaining you may have to do is telling her why it took this long for you to figure it out. (they ALWAYS ask that, so be prepared!)
Why You Might Be Afraid of Trying Something New
I get it.
When I was starting out in this “work on you” crap, I kept my cards close to my chest.
I didn’t want HER to know…and I didn’t want friends to know.
I was AFRAID of what other people would think about me being in a men’s group, or going to training events or even writing down my deepest, most intimate thoughts.
Guess what I learned.
F&ck that.
Now I’m telling EVERYONE! And I do it with a huge “I don’t give a $&#@ grin” on my face.
And this is exactly what about 1000 men in my community are doing too. It’s courageous as hell to bond with other men around a common goal.
It’s fun and fulfilling to FINALLY TALK ABOUT THE STUFF WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
And it feels good to feel like you’re finally living honestly and “out loud” for the first time.
The badass men in my community are unapologetic, open-hearted, fun loving men who are shamelessly unafraid of telling the truth about who they are, what they want and where they’re going.
And I want YOU to experience this with us.
Just take ONE FEARLESS STEP FORWARD.
This is what you and your marriage need most. No more “fixing”.
How about some REAL changes? Here are your options.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why doesn’t “fixing the marriage” actually fix anything?
A: Because your marriage isn’t a broken appliance—it’s a reflection of emotional patterns. When you try to fix it through endless talks, questions, or pressure, you amplify fear and push her further away. The real repair starts by calming yourself, not controlling her.
Q: What should I do instead of trying to fix my wife or relationship?
A: Step back. Breathe. Lead yourself first. Start showing up with emotional strength, self-respect, and calm energy. When you shift how you be, the dynamic between you shifts too. It’s the most counterintuitive—and powerful—change you can make.
Q: How do I stop over-talking and over-analyzing my marriage problems?
A: Real strength comes from silence and self-awareness, not explanations. When your mind starts spinning, pause instead of pushing. Listen to her tone, her space, her energy—and then lead with grounded presence, not logic. That’s what she’s craving most.
Q: Why am I so afraid to do this work on myself?
A: Because it’s vulnerable. It’s new. And most men were never taught how to deal with their own fears without shame. But when you finally face that fear—when you stop hiding—you start living. Confidence grows where fear used to be.
Q: Can men’s groups or coaching really help my marriage?
A: Yes—but not because they “fix” your wife. They fix your focus. You start to understand your patterns, build clarity, and practice new ways of responding instead of reacting. Brotherhood accelerates growth. You stop feeling alone, and you start leading again.
Q: What happens when I stop trying to fix everything?
A: Paradoxically, everything starts to improve. You become calmer, lighter, and more grounded. She feels safer around you. The connection rebuilds—not through words, but through presence. Real change never looks like fixing; it looks like leading.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
How to Re-attract Your Wife (the Truth Behind the Answers You’re Looking for)She Said I’m an Amazing Man Why Didn’t My Wife See That?
How Do I Stop Being An Insecure Husband?
How to Lead Your Marriage to More Passion and Connection
What Your Wife Really Needs From You When She’s Upset
