The Common Habit That Keeps Men From Feeling Confident
Are you tired of saying “I’m sorry” and getting nothing in return
A common complaint men have about women is that they never say they’re sorry…for anything…ever.
Here’s what I know about these men. I know this because I was one.
My frustration with a woman’s inability to apologize was caused by my desire for reciprocation.
In other words, I spent so much time apologizing for everything I just wanted to hear her say it back – just once!
And therein lies the curse of the apologetic husband.
The more you accept blame and apologize the more angry and frustrated you will get about her not doing the same.
What if you just stopped apologizing?
What if you decided you had nothing to apologize for?
A guy like that will never get an apology from a woman. She knows his “apologitis” (a new disease I just made up) is caused by his desire to make her like him or approve of him.
I used to apologize for everything thinking that’s what nice guys do, right?
We fall on our sword. And women should dig that. The more we apologize, the more she will think we’re honest, kind and trustworthy.
And then she’ll want sex “fer sure!”
Wrong again. To her, “apologitis” feels tremendously annoying, manipulative, unmasculine and unsexy.
Why?
Because the only reason we are doing it is to make her like us or get her to apologize in return. It’s another one of those secret deals the “nice husband” makes to manipulate her into giving him what he wants.
And she can smell that on us at the molecular level.
Do you see now why it’s a losing proposition?
I talk about this more in the video below:
What Stupid Things Are You Apologizing For?
I want to challenge you to go “cold turkey” for 30 days. Stop apologizing for stupid things.
What stupid things, you ask? Here’s a quick list off the top of my head.
Do you make any of these apologies on a regular basis?
Apologize for her being mad
Apologize if she is upset about anything
Apologize for her bad news
Apologize for working late
Apologize for wanting sex
Apologize for being attracted to her
Apologize for just wanting to help
Apologize for being a man
Apologize for wanting time with your friends
Apologize for wanting affection
Apologize for not being able to read and listen to her at the same time
Apologize for touching or kissing her
Apologize for waking up with a raging erection
Apologize for not reading her mind
Apologize for not knowing what is bothering her
You Have to Stop Saying Stuff Like This!
This is what it sounds like.
“I’m sorry if this doesn’t make you happy”
“I’m sorry that me just trying to help you makes you mad”
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong”
“I’m sorry if wanting a kiss upset you”
“I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable when I initiate sex”
“I’m sorry your parents are absolutely freaking nuts and you feel like a victim and controlled by them.”
I’m not saying you should stop being a kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring and considerate man.
Do you think you would notice anymore if she wasn’t apologizing?
I think not. But that’s going to be hard, isn’t it?
That’s because some of us tend to apologize for anything and everything – even if we’ve done nothing wrong. Have you ever had a friend like that?
I’m saying you should stop with the “apologitis”. There are much better, more attractive ways to handle those issues.
The truth is you’re really not sorry for those things.
You’re just saying so because that’s what “nice husbands” do.
You’re hoping maybe she’ll say she’s sorry too. Maybe she will appreciate you more.
Don’t do that.
I challenge you not to apologise for thirty days.
Can you do it?
Email me and tell me how it feels.
I predict you will feel liberated.
And you just might hear your first apology from her!
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I keep apologizing for everything—even when I’ve done nothing wrong?
A: Because deep down, you’re craving her approval. You want peace, connection, and maybe even affection. But over-apologizing is not kindness—it’s control in disguise. It’s your way of saying, “Please like me again.” The truth is, every “I’m sorry” said from fear erodes your confidence and her attraction.
Q: Why does my wife never apologize back?
A: Because she senses your “apologitis.” She knows your apologies aren’t about integrity—they’re about insecurity. Women don’t respect men who seek validation through guilt or self-blame. When you stop apologizing to earn affection, you start earning respect. That’s when real apologies—hers included—finally mean something.
Q: How can I tell the difference between compassion and weakness?
A: Compassion feels grounded—it says, “I see your pain.” Weakness feels desperate—it says, “Please stop being mad at me.” A confident man can empathize without groveling. You can care deeply while still holding your frame. That’s not arrogance—it’s emotional leadership.
Q: What happens if I stop apologizing for 30 days?
A: You’ll notice your posture shift. You’ll breathe easier. You’ll stop walking on eggshells. You might even notice her soften toward you. Why? Because your energy will change—from reactive to grounded, from approval-seeking to self-led. That’s when she finally feels safe with you again.
Q: How do I break the habit of apologizing for stupid things?
A: Catch yourself mid-apology and replace it with calm presence. Instead of “I’m sorry,” try “I hear you.” Instead of “I didn’t mean to upset you,” say “I see you’re upset.” The goal isn’t to avoid empathy—it’s to stop leaking self-respect. Confidence isn’t loud. It’s quiet, calm, and unapologetic.
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