Wife Doesn’t Want Sex Anymore? What Can You Do?
Wife doesn’t want sex anymore? Trying hard to make her happy? Find out what works and what doesn’t to create attraction and passion with her again…
Can you relate to these traits of what I call the “hummingbird husband”? I can.
Hummingbirds are nervous little fellers. Uncertain and twitchy.
They don’t trust anyone or anything. Always questioning.
Anxious as hell hovering for their turn at the feeder.
And with a flying heart rate around 1000 beats per minute I wonder why they just don’t explode in mid-air.
Can you relate? I can.
The Guaranteed Libido Killer
I’m a leading authority on the hummingbird husband. I was one for many years and I can now spot it easily in the men I work with. It’s a syndrome that’s sure to leave you feeling agitated with yourself.
And it’s a guaranteed libido killer in all wives. One hundred percent of them. Did I mention I’m an expert?
We’re not bad husbands. We’re actually really super guys. A little “overly involved” perhaps, but we mean well…maybe.
We’re just being attentive. Possibly too attentive.
But we just want to know what’s going on. We want to know what she’s doing, where she’s going, who she’s talking to, who she’s texting.
We want to know what she’s buying, why she needs it, why is she late and how could she possibly not know she was driving on a flat tire. Doesn’t she know that will ruin a tire?
Hummingbird husbands ask lots of questions. Rarely simple statements. Rapid fire innocent inquiries are our specialty.
It’s exhausting for both of us.
And here’s our dirty little secret about our overwhelming concern for her well-being.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Reestablish The Trust Passion & Intimacy With Your WifeHow To Stop Fearing Your Wife’s Reactions
When we keep asking:
“Are you okay? What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong? Why are you mad? How are you doing?”
…what we’re really asking is “Am I okay?”
Am I Okay? Am I Okay? Am I Okay?
When I was in my hovering days, this was the underlying question behind most of my questions.
Am I okay? Are we okay? Do you still love me? Do you still want me?
It’s embarrassing as hell to admit I was that guy for some time. I sought continual reassurance that everything was okay. That I would be okay.
Insecurity sucks. And it’s magnified about 100 times toward the end of a marriage. It’ll eat a man alive.
I was a typical hummingbird husband. To the outside world I was a model of calmness and stability. At work and social situations I was Mr. Cool. It was not an act. I really was Mr. Cool.
But I could never figure out where Mr. Cool went when I was in my own house.
Like I said, insecurity sucks. And it seems to be most triggered in our romantic relationships – inside our own home.
Yeah, I’m Okay
If you can relate to any part of the hummingbird husband’s story, I want you to know one important fact. Do not doubt me on this. Remember, I am a leading authority.
You’re okay.
Really, you are. All of that blabbering, hovering and interrogating is just a little self-doubt.
Your overactive mind and anxious heart is just a matter of a little self-esteem recalibration.
While I am definitely not an expert on male insecurity or the underlying baggage causing it, I do know this. You have the power of choice.
I’ve witnessed too many men simply choose to stop with the hummingbird act and adopt a healthier perspective of themselves and their lives. They did enough introspection and inner work to allow themselves to experience an epiphany. A BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious).
It sounds like,
“My wife and my marriage are not and have never been the source – or the measure – of my value. I’m okay, dammit. I’m okay!”
When these guys decided to change their operating system, it was like moving their mojo setting from hummingbird to mountain lion. They embraced a whole new demeanor. It’s best described as a calm, deliberate and pleased energy.
It’s not an act. They really are a mountain lion.
They feel cool headed, secure, regal, aware, curious, playful, loving, protective, brave, sensitive and caring.
You may find them on a high rock casually flipping their tail and letting out a huge yawn before taking a nap in the sun.
No more doubts. No more questions. Heart rate – 40.
From that vantage point, anything is possible.
More related articles for you:
Deciding The Fate Of Your Marriage With A Coin Toss??!How To Respond To Your Wife’s Threats Of Divorce
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Q: Why does my wife not want sex with me anymore, even though I’m trying so hard to make her happy?
A: Because trying too hard is the problem. The “hummingbird husband” energy—hovering, questioning, fixing—kills attraction instantly. Women don’t respond to anxious approval-seeking. They respond to calm, grounded presence. When your energy shifts from nervous to centered, desire naturally has space to return.
Q: Why do I get insecure and needy only with my wife, not anywhere else?
A: Romantic relationships trigger the deepest fears men carry. At work you’re confident because nothing vital is at stake. At home, your identity feels on the line. That creates anxious thoughts like “Am I okay?” When you stop tying your value to her reactions, the insecurity dissolves.
Q: How do I stop acting like a “hummingbird husband”?
A: You stop by choosing to. It begins with awareness. Notice the constant questions, the emotional hovering, the restless need for reassurance. Then shift to mountain-lion energy—calm, deliberate, amused, observant. When you consciously slow down, breathe, and stop chasing approval, your entire presence transforms.
Q: Is it normal to constantly ask my wife if everything is okay?
A: Normal? Yes. Helpful? No. Repeated “Are you okay?” questions actually communicate fear, not connection. She feels interrogated and pressured. What she needs is the opposite—your steadiness. You create emotional safety by showing calm confidence, not by asking for reassurance disguised as concern.
Q: Can insecurity really destroy a woman’s libido?
A: One hundred percent. Insecurity is the biggest libido killer in a marriage. Women feel desire when they feel safe, relaxed, and led by a man with emotional stability. When you’re jittery, doubtful, or constantly needing approval, her nervous system tightens. Desire shuts off. Strength re-ignites it.
Q: What actually helps rebuild attraction and confidence when my marriage feels fragile?
A: Rebuilding attraction starts with reclaiming your internal grounding. Stop hovering. Stop chasing reassurance. Stop letting fear drive your actions. Build emotional self-reliance, reconnect to your values, slow your energy, and speak and move like a man who knows he’s okay. That shift alone changes everything.
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