Why You’re Screwed If Saving Your Marriage Is Your ONLY Option
When men first reach out for help they are almost always feeling immense fear and pain…and they want to FIX that fear and pain right now!
All of the sudden your reality has changed and you don’t like it.
You thought the story was going to go one way and now it has made a terrible turn.
She wants space. She wants freedom. She wants to feel connection.
She wants to feel alive. She wants to find herself. She wants to escape some vaguely defined prison of anxiety and pressure.
And apparently it’s all your fault.
This is when a man will want to talk with me about FIXING things – quickly.
He wants to fix himself, fix her and fix the marriage so the fear and pain will go away and everything can go back to being just like it was supposed to be.
When I explain the reality of what is in front of him he gets nervous.
I explain that he has no control over her feelings or her decisions.
I explain that the final outcome of his marriage is out of his hands.
And when I explain that the BEST CHANCE to fix anything is to start with fixing himself he will ask:
“Yeah but, what if I become a better man and she STILL leaves me?!”
Think about that for a minute.
What’s going on in his head here?
This is the most common mistake men make when trying to save their marriage.
They want to know:
“What if this doesn’t WORK?!”
What’s the matter with this line of thought?
Watch this video for a deeper dive into why this is stinkin’ thinkin’.
The problem with the question, “What if it doesn’t work?” is this.
When you decide to become more confident, calmer, clearer and grounded in your own sense of value and well-being…there is nothing that needs to “work”.
That IS the work. The measure of your work is not in the outcome of your marriage, her desire for you or any other EXTERNAL result over which you have no control.
You decide to become this man because it’s important to you no matter what.
And here’s the other thing we don’t get at first.
There is NO WAY the older version of you stands a chance of attracting her back into a relationship. Panic, pleading, promising, pressuring and demanding will only make things worse.
The reality is that your future is uncertain.
But you can create certainty in how you respond and how you choose to THINK about this whole process.
And your first thought needs to be:
“F*ck this. I’m going to become the very best, strongest and most attractive version of myself no matter what. I want that for me regardless of the outcome.”
Now THAT attitude will serve you well. I guarantee it.
What happens when you read that? What do you FEEL right after saying that out loud?
It’s liberating. The knot in your gut loosen just a touch.
It’s empowering.
You begin to see that even in the discomfort of uncertainty and an unpredictable outcome in your marriage…you get to create your own certainty.
This realization is the core message in all of our coaching programs.
When you finally get on this track, your inner peace returns and your mojo shoots up and to the right.
We want to meet you and support you on this journey of transformation and growth…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: What should I do when my wife says she wants space?
A: Give it to her—without collapsing. Space isn’t punishment, it’s feedback. Use it to rebuild your calm, confidence, and clarity. When she sees you’re no longer reacting from fear, you become the kind of man she can actually feel safe with again.
Q: How do I fix my marriage if she blames me for everything?
A: You don’t fix her—you fix your thinking. The goal isn’t to control her emotions but to regain control over your own. When you lead yourself back to peace and purpose, the entire tone of the relationship begins to shift.
Q: What if I become a better man and she still leaves me?
A: Then you still win. Because the man you become in that process is the man you’ve been trying to find all along. Growth isn’t about guaranteeing outcomes—it’s about becoming unshakable no matter what happens next.
Q: How do I stop panicking about losing her?
A: By realizing you’re not losing her—you’re losing your illusion of control. That’s good news. When you stop fighting reality and start grounding yourself, the fear loses its grip. Calm isn’t surrender—it’s strength under pressure.
Q: How do I rebuild attraction when she’s emotionally checked out?
A: You stop chasing. Attraction isn’t reignited by words or promises—it’s sparked by presence, confidence, and peace. When she feels that you’re okay with or without her, she starts to feel safe again. That’s where connection grows.
Q: Why does focusing on myself actually help my relationship?
A: Because your energy sets the tone. When you shift from fear to self-respect, everything you say and do feels different. You stop trying to get love and start giving it from overflow—and that’s what turns the entire dynamic around.
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Have questions about your relationship?
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