Why Your Wife Wants You To Have More Confidence
Yes your wife wants you to have more confidence and almost every man I know (Including me) can get frustrated by this but there’s good reason for both her and you to understand why.
Wife: “What Do You Want?”
You: “I Don’t Know, What Do You Want?”
This problem is so common mostly because you’ve been taught to be “nice”. You think that being uncommitted is the same a “flexible”. You think by not having an opinion, that she’ll get to have her way. And you may think that if you sound too sure of yourself everyone will think you’re an uncooperative asshole.
Not true, my brother.
What A Lack Of Confidence Sounds Like
- Umm, I don’t really know what I think about that… (clueless)
- I was just.. (never start a sentence with that one)
- Does that makes sense?? (approval seeking)
- I would just add to that… (I’m not confident in my opinion)
- Whatever you want is fine. (Can’t make a decision)
- What do you want to do tonight? (I have no opinion)
- This might not make any sense, but I think…. (self defeating)
- Whatever… (disconnected…or stoned)
- How was I supposed to know? (victimized and defensive)
I stepped right into this the other night when my sweetie said, “are we going to drive up to see the fireworks?”
And I said, “Whatever, I kinda forgot about it…do you wanna go?”
Ugh. What I REALLY wanted to say and finally said was,
“Hell yes, let’s do it. We haven’t had firework for 3 years up here. I’ll grab a cooler and a blanket. You grab the drink you want. It’ll be fun to get out for a change.”
A SMILE beamed across her face. That’s when I knew.
That’s the big AH-HA!
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to Stop Arguing About Sex and Create More AttractionThe Reason Intimacy Fades In Marriage
She likes it when I have an opinion. She likes it when I’m clear and engaged. She likes it when I’m excited about something. And, she likes it when I have a plan.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
Why do I sometimes forgot this? Why do I get lazy?
It’s such a simple solution.
When I’m awake, engaged, thinking, planning and leading…our relationship feels really good. Everything is easy. Everything.
And when I’m not…it’s not.
Can I be any more clear? I just need a periodic kick in the butt sometimes.
I feel so much stronger, relaxed and confident when I pay attention to this dynamic.
More related articles for you:
5 Steps to Being GREAT in the Sack!Why Being A Nice Guy Reduces The Affection In Your Marriage
And when I don’t pay attention, the wheels start to come off. This is when women will often push, prod and TEST us. It’s usually when we’re least prepared but when it’s most needed. It seems unfair until we realize it’s all part of the process.
She doesn’t think I’m lazy.
She just FEELS better about us when I’m more engaged.
In this video I introduce TWO TYPES OF TESTS you may experience and how to pass them with flying colors.
Two Ways Women Test Men (and why she does it)
Speaking With Confidence, Clarity & Conviction
Who doesn’t want that!
Write down your MOST RECENT TEST situation and let us help you get clear, calm and confident about what really happened. We will help you understand what lead up to it.
- We point out the warning signs you probably missed.
- We’ll demonstrate a NEW FRAME OF MIND you need now.
- And we’ll set you up for success next time.
Weak language is void of leadership and safety. That’s one secret you need to know. Make a decision. Own it. Enjoy being a man who speaks strongly when faced with options.
Click HERE to apply for a free “2×4 of Clarity Coaching Session”.
It’s free, fun and an unusually powerful and emotional experience.
And it’s free, of course.
And if you’re ready to dive into the community of men who are just like you, you’ll want to join our GG2GM Men’s Roundtable. It’s an incredibly powerful and affordable way to surround yourself with men who are doing the work and have already made great progress toward becoming the clear, confident and courageous men we all want to be.
Q: Why does my wife ask “What do you want?” and get irritated when I say “I don’t know”?
A: Because “I don’t know, what do you want?” sounds like lack of confidence and weak language. She doesn’t want a passenger; she wants a man who’s engaged, thinking, planning and leading. When you have an opinion and a plan, she feels safer and closer to you.
Q: How do I stop using weak language and start speaking with confidence, clarity and conviction?
A: Start catching phrases like “whatever,” “does that make sense?” and “this might not make sense but…” and replace them with clear decisions. Try, “Here’s what I’d like to do,” or “Hell yes, let’s do it.” Strong, simple language builds leadership and emotional safety.
Q: Why does my wife seem happier when I make a plan instead of saying “whatever you want”?
A: Because “whatever you want is fine” feels like you’re checked out. When you say, “Here’s the plan, I’ll grab the cooler and blanket,” you’re awake, engaged and leading. Women feel better when you’re clear, excited and intentional. Confidence and direction are deeply attractive.
Q: What should I do when I notice I’ve gotten lazy and passive in my relationship?
A: Take it as a friendly “kick in the butt,” not a character flaw. When you’re not paying attention, the wheels start to come off and she will test you more. Recommit to being present: think, plan, lead, and speak with conviction. Everything feels easier when you do.
Q: Why does my wife push, prod and test me when I’m already stressed and tired?
A: Women often test men when we’re least prepared but when leadership is most needed. She doesn’t think you’re lazy; she just feels better when you’re more engaged. Her tests are invitations to step up with calm confidence, not reasons to collapse into defensiveness or victimhood.
Q: What to do when I feel clueless in a “test” moment and don’t know what to say?
A: Slow down. Don’t babble or over-explain. Pick one honest direction and own it: “Here’s what I’d like to do,” or “This is my take.” Write down your most recent test situation and study it. Seeing the patterns helps you stay clear, calm and confident next time.
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