Why “Working” to Save a Marriage Doesn’t Work for Men
The first 3 questions we get when a client is feeling the threat of separation or divorce are these:
- What should I do?
- What should I say?
- How can I fix this?
And for the next 72 hours, our answers are always the same.
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
- You can’t.
Yeah, I know. Doesn’t sound real helpful or very insightful.
But, trust me, most guys make things a LOT worse by trying to do anything – say anything – and desperately attempt to fix everything.
The men who actually manage to avoid divorce (if it’s not too late) and begin to rebuild trust, connection and attraction have ONE THING IN COMMON.
They don’t try too hard.
A slow hand and a patient mind are going to be your best friends.
But it’s incredibly hard to do.
It’s like having a snarling attack dog inches from your face and I’m telling you, “Just be calm. He’s more afraid of you than you are of him.” Yeah, right.
The best advice I can give you right now is to STOP TRYING TO “WORK” on your marriage. Simply work on calmly down, slowing down and start working on your own thinking and your own ways of responding to her.
These are the most important and impactful changes you can make right now!
How does a man collect his wits when she’s nearly out the door?
How does he stay calm, confident, patient, kind and consistent when there’s a ticking bomb in his chest about to go off?
These are complicated and nuanced questions. You’re going to need more than a few reassuring words and some bumper sticker psychology.
That’s exactly why Tim Wade and I recorded over 9 hours of video coaching on EVERY ASPECT of defusing the bomb in your chest and possibly getting your marriage back in safe waters.
It’s not going to be easy. But nothing worth having really is.
And we’ve created the best community and the best online course available for you learn how to just STOP doing the things that will make everything worse.
We’ve decided to run a 3-day HALF OFF offer for our course:
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb
The total lifetime investment for the course and lifetime access to the private community support group is $249.
This offer ends Sunday night this weekend.
Yeah, ridiculously cheap…considering what lawyers and divorce settlements cost.
Module I dives deep into these topics:
- How to stop the horror movies in your head (yes, we know all about it)
- Deal with her ice cold attitude while you’re freaking out
- How to handle your fearful thoughts, anger, depression, and anxiety
- Finally relax and create more attraction
- Quiet your nervous, needy energy so you can stop driving her away
- How to feel more confident and stop reacting to every little thing she does
- What you must STOP doing right now and START doing instead
When you’re ready to stop doing what you’re doing and starting learning stuff your dad never told you, click below for the special.
Enough said.
I’ve probably already talked too much.
Q: What should I do when my wife says she wants space or a divorce?
A: Nothing—at least for now. Stop chasing, stop fixing, and start breathing. Most men make things worse by panicking. The first move is to calm your nervous system and observe your own reactions. Peace is more attractive than panic.
Q: Why shouldn’t I try to fix my marriage right away?
A: Because fixing comes from fear. When you act out of desperation, she feels it and pulls further away. Stop “working” on the marriage and start working on your mindset. Calm men create safety; anxious men create distance.
Q: How can I stay calm when she’s pulling away?
A: Slow down. Breathe. Move your attention away from her choices and back to your center. Confidence is built in quiet moments. When you stop reacting to every word and start showing steady composure, you become magnetic again.
Q: How long should I wait before doing something?
A: Until you can move from clarity, not fear. Rushing just repeats the same mistakes. Take time to collect your wits, rebuild self-respect, and lead with grounded energy. That’s what turns panic into presence.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake men make when facing separation?
A: Talking too much, texting too much, and trying to win her back with words instead of calm action. The more you push, the faster she runs. Be the man who can sit in uncertainty without collapsing.
Q: How do I rebuild trust and attraction once things calm down?
A: By becoming a man she can relax around again. Drop the defensiveness, own your emotions, and lead with patience and consistency. Real attraction returns when she feels your peace, not your pressure.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
