What To Do When Your Wife Shames Your Sexual Drive
Do you ever feel ashamed about your sexual desire and horniness for your wife’s affection and attention?
Do you avoid making advances because you expect to get turned down and maybe even belittled?
Trust me. I’m an expert on this. And I’ve only recently started to figure this out late in life.
It’s not just relief from horniness, though. It’s about relief from any type of feeling you can categorize as general disappointment.
This might include anger, resentment or frustration.
But let’s stay with horniness for now.
The worst part of feeling horny is the prospect that you’re the only one who cares. Your arousal level is so high it’s like a big fat pink elephant in the room. And your frustration is building because you fear your desire will be unnoticed, unappreciated and unfulfilled.
The ultimate disappointment is the feeling of being unattractive and undesirable.
I know you know what I mean.
It’s like an avalanche gathering momentum. In a split second your joyous morning wood is reduced to a flaccid lump of shame and resentment.
So, what’s the answer? How do you get instant relief?
HONESTY.
Plain, simple honesty. You need to get comfortable calling out that big, fat, pink elephant in the room.
In the video below I explain how we “good guys” have learned to lie about our feelings and why dishonesty will destroy us. And there’s more:
Why you need to be more like a horse when it comes to being horny
How we become bigger liars the older we get
Why honesty is the antidote for all kinds of disappointment
How to take the power away from the big, fat, pink elephant in the room
How to say “Hey, I’m horny” without fear or shame…and laugh about it
It takes a tougher, much stronger man to say, “I don’t give crap, I’m going to own my emotions and fearlessly express them.”
Honesty is the most important antidote to all the disappointments you feel in life. But it’s scary as hell, especially being honest about your feelings!!!
By the time we get into our 30’s, 40’s 50’s and 60’s we have a long history of hiding our feelings, of manipulating people, telling half-truths and not being honest.
Anything but show how you might be feeling weak or ashamed and unconfident in yourself and your masculine energy.
When you call the emotion into the room, you call out the anger, the frustration, the hurt, the disappointment – that big, fat pink elephant of that’s in the room – all of a sudden you take it’s power away. The power you had given it over you.
Often our partners do a much better job of speaking their emotions right out into the room, which is why they go from angry to calm much quicker than we do.
When you speak your emotions out into the room, it dissolves the emotion – when you finally speak your truth.
So you haven’t had sex for two, three, four weeks, or six months or even a year! And you’ve been playing this little lie that goes something like…
“Oh well maybe I just need to be patient, I won’t bug her, I’m afraid of rejection”
Right…? I know, I’ve been exactly where you are remember!
I know that inside you’re smoldering, feeling really hurt, angry and rejected, disappointed and most of all…you’re damn horny!!!
If you’re lying in bed at night or walking around in the morning, feeling really aroused, feeling really horny and you know for a fact that she’s not in the mood, why don’t you just try saying “you know what babe, I’m really horny!”
She’ll may well give you a look that says ‘what the hell’, but you’re not asking her for sex, you’re just announcing to her and the world that right now you’re feeling really horny.
I know you may be squirming in your seat reading this thinking…no, I couldn’t say that.
But this is incredibly important for the trust and future connection in your marriage, because that hidden disappointment, that yearning, that craving, that urgent urge…she can feel it in you anyway. She knows!
What you would normally do is shuffle off with a scowl and disappointment, with your hard-on deflating, feeling mad.
And it will happen again and again and again in your life unless you’re willing to be honest – be more like a horse. Horses are always honest.
When you speak your truth, you’ll immediately feel the change, as the pressure of holding in that emotion is released from your body.
No more avoiding that big fat pink elephant in the room, that pink elephant of horniness, and you’ll feel better.
Believe me. It works every time.
Own the fact that you’re a sexual, passionate, caring man who loves to touch, feel, taste and smell everything about your partner and wanting her sexually.”
Many of the men we speak to each week are battling with speaking their truth out into the room. They’re struggling with anger, resentment, horniness and they’re hiding behind this agenda of not wanting to speak their truth and hoping they can somehow otherwise manipulate her into paying attention or pulling her weight or whatever.
Honesty will set you free!
It’s the most liberating skill you can have.
As we’re getting older we’re losing time to tell the truth, so I want to encourage you to start telling the truth now.
Make sure you come from a place of love when you do it, don’t come from a place of resentment and anger and retaliation.
If you’re horny, say you’re horny. If you’re angry, say you’re angry. If you’re resentful, say you’re resentful. But don’t try to make it a personal attack; don’t say it from a place of blame and resentment.
Just tell the truth and see what it does for how you feel in your body. Try it tomorrow morning.
If you’re ready to understand how to own your emotions and speak them boldly, below are some options for you to start right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I feel ashamed for wanting sex with my wife?
A: Because you were taught that desire makes you needy or selfish. It doesn’t. Your sexual energy is life energy—it’s part of what makes you a man. Shame kills attraction; honesty revives it. When you own your desire without apology, you reclaim your confidence.
Q: How can I be honest about being horny without sounding desperate?
A: Drop the agenda. You’re not asking for sex—you’re just telling the truth. Say it with humor and calm confidence: “I’m feeling really horny today.” That honesty removes tension and gives her something real to connect to instead of the unspoken pressure she already feels.
Q: Why does hiding my desire make things worse?
A: Because your wife can feel the frustration even if you never say a word. Suppressed desire turns into resentment, moodiness, and distance. Speaking your truth dissolves that pressure. It’s not about fixing her—it’s about freeing yourself from the silence that’s killing connection.
Q: What if I get rejected after being honest about wanting sex?
A: Then you still win—because you acted from truth, not fear. Rejection stings less when you’re proud of how you showed up. Over time, emotional honesty builds trust and safety. That’s what brings real intimacy back—not begging or pretending you don’t care.
Q: How do I talk about sex without it turning into an argument?
A: Lead with emotion, not accusation. Say what you feel, not what she’s doing wrong. “I miss being close to you” lands much better than “You never want me.” When your tone is honest, grounded, and blame-free, she can actually hear you.
Q: What does it mean to ‘be like a horse’ when it comes to sex?
A: Horses don’t fake or hide emotions—they’re honest in every moment. When you’re horny, own it. When you’re hurt, say it. When you’re calm, breathe it. Emotional honesty is masculine leadership—it’s how you build trust, intimacy, and respect in your marriage.
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