What To Do If You Don’t Feel Confident With Your Wife Anymore
Even though the men I work with are rock stars in the domain of their chosen profession, they can’t say the same when they walk through the door of their own home.
Why?
Because even though they’ve mastered the skills, tactics, knowledge and strategies of excelling at work…they feel like a wet noodle in the scary relationship realm of vulnerability, intimacy, marriage and sex.
They have supreme confidence in what they know and what they do.
But ONLY there.
And that’s the problem.
If you only have what I call Competency Based Confidence the only time you will feel confident (aka. calm, cool, collected) is WHEN YOU’RE DOING THOSE THINGS.
This may explain why many men spend a lot of time at work. It’s where they feel most comfortable – most acknowledged and most appreciated.
They get their sense of personal confidence and well-being only from what they are good at.
Hmmmm…I think you’re starting to get my point.
Watch this video below about the difference between Competency Based Confidence and Spiritually Based Confidence. Then come back to the email…
“Confidence is something that ought to transcend what we know and what we do.”
~ Barbara DeAngelis
As you heard me explain in the video, there is ANOTHER type of confidence that is entirely different from competency based confidence.
It’s called spiritual confidence.
This is what you need in the areas of your life where skill, knowledge and talent don’t count for much.
In the book, “Confidence: Finding It and Living It“, Barbara DeAngelis does a beautiful job of explaining the OTHER type of confidence.
“Ultimately, spiritual confidence is a quiet, gentle sense of peace. It fills your heart and nurtures your spirit. It allows you to travel your path knowing that you are on the right road, and trusting that wherever you are is just where you need to be.”
Do you know anyone in your life who seems to have that?
Yeah, most people don’t. It’s a rare type of confidence that doesn’t require demonstrated talent, knowledge or authority.
It’s a chosen belief system that tells you that you’re actually okay…just as you are right now.
You’re bullet-proof to the judgments of others and their disapproval.
From this place you can’t be “hurt, insulted, controlled, offended or emasculated.” You’re no longer a victim of external input.
You’ve got a chosen frame of mind or a “lane” you stay in that supports the truth about your own well-being. You’re valuable, lovable and significant EVEN IF someone else is acting like you’re not.
This is the secret power we all really want.
It’s not a tube of Whoop-Ass.
It’s secret tube of mojo.
Calm, cool, collected, self-assured well-being.
Some men reading this will get it right off the bat. Just reading the description of spiritual confidence and why it’s important will cause a serious shift in their thinking which will change their life starting tonight.
Other guys (like me) need more help. And this help can only come from other initiated men who have ALREADY figured it out.
This is why we’ve created many ways for you to get involved in our community and start building your own foundation of confidence.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I feel confident at work but lost in my relationship?
A: Because your confidence is based on competence, not connection. You’ve mastered skills that earn results, but relationships run on emotional presence, not performance. True masculine confidence comes from who you are, not what you do — that’s the spiritual confidence most men never develop.
Q: What’s the difference between competency-based confidence and spiritual confidence?
A: Competency-based confidence depends on skill, control, and success. Spiritual confidence runs deeper — it’s calm assurance that you’re enough even when things go sideways. It’s freedom from needing to prove your worth. That’s the mindset that makes you unshakable in love, life, and leadership.
Q: How can I build confidence that doesn’t disappear when I’m criticized?
A: Stop tying your worth to approval. Spiritual confidence means knowing your value even when someone disapproves. You’re steady, not defensive. When you trust your own goodness and intentions, you stop reacting to judgment and start responding with clarity and quiet power.
Q: Why do successful men struggle with emotional confidence?
A: Because most of us were never taught how to feel without fixing. We learned confidence through doing, not being. Emotional confidence requires vulnerability, self-acceptance, and the ability to stay open even when things feel uncertain. It’s not weakness — it’s mastery of calm presence.
Q: How do I start developing spiritual confidence as a man?
A: Practice self-trust. Notice when you reach for validation or control, and pause instead. Remember — your peace isn’t earned; it’s chosen. The more you ground yourself in who you are, the less you’ll depend on outcomes to feel strong. Confidence starts in stillness, not performance.
Q: What does it mean to live with calm, cool, collected masculine energy?
A: It means you’ve stopped chasing worth and started embodying it. You know your values, stay centered under pressure, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally. That’s spiritual confidence — the quiet strength that makes you a safe, respected, and deeply attractive man.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
The Conversation You’re Avoiding That Can Help Save Your MarriageAttracting Your Wife Back – How You Handle Difficult Conversations
Why Arguing About Sex Gets You Less Sex
Wife Wants a Divorce? How to Stop the Crushing Fear and Loneliness
Why Doesn’t My Wife Like Me the Way I Am?
