What Kind Of Man Are You When Nobody Is Watching? (& Why It’s Important To Know)
“The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you’ll tolerate.” ~ Earnest Hemingway, possibly
This quote caught my eye because it speaks to a deeper level of self-awareness I think every man needs.
Do you actually LIKE yourself when nobody is watching?
One of the biggest reasons men THINK they are experiencing negativity, sadness or rejection is because they secretly think they need someone to LIKE them.
And when we need someone else to like us it usually means we’re feeling empty inside.
The emptiness feeling comes from insecure thoughts of abandonment, inadequacy and “undesireability”. We’re seeking external acknowledgement and validation to change those thoughts which will change the feelings.
Is it wrong to WANT a loving, caring, kind and supportive partnership?
Heck no. I think we ALL want that.
But if we want that because we’re empty inside, we will never, ever get enough external soothing.
And that’s a problem.
Nobody wants to be responsible for continually filling up our insatiable need for being liked.
I’m in the business of helping men to deeply appreciate, respect and LIKE themselves…without being jerks or assholes.
I’ve learned it’s these guys who end up attracting all the attention, kindness and support they want.
As Robert Holden said in his book, Happiness Now, You enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.
Psychologists may refer to this liking yourself stuff as self-acceptance. That topic goes pretty deep. But for today, let’s just talk about having a few hours this weekend of simply digging yourself.
When was the last time you were alone laughing and dancing with nobody but you? Do you dig yourself enough to enjoy your own company?
Watch this video to see how I did it this morning.
Yeah, I’m actually going to video me dancing which goes totally against my instincts!
Well, THAT was an interesting experiment.
How can I tell you to push your comfort zone if I don’t do it myself?
If you liked it, great. If you didn’t, that’s okay too.
Sometimes I don’t like watching people dance badly because it makes me “embarrassed for them”. I’ve learned that’s a load of crap. The reason I’m uncomfortable is because I’m seeing myself through them.
And behind my judgment is a bit of envy that I could be as comfortable as they are just being themselves.
So, here’s my challenge. Find a song this week that makes you tap your toes, move your body, sing out loud or just smile.
Do this all alone and just dig yourself and the feeling of getting into light thoughts and warm feelings.
Why?
Because light thoughts and warm feelings are your home base.
This is your NORMAL state of being. With every negative, sad, or lonely thought that enters your head you are just one song (and one thought) away from your home base.
If I could sum up what the GG2GM mission is with a simple metaphor, it would be:
We teach men how to dance in the warmth of their own value and their own happiness.
Yeah, we know you came through the door of relationship pain. It’s the same door we all came through.
I’m glad you’re here!
And if you’re ready to start your “dance lessons”, think about getting more seriously involved in this powerful community of men. I promise you will be astounded at how fast you learn the steps.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I care so much about what my wife or others think of me?
A: Because somewhere along the way, you started outsourcing your self-worth. When you rely on her approval to feel okay, you lose connection to your own value. Confidence begins the moment you stop needing to be liked and start respecting who you already are.
Q: How do I stop feeling empty and needy in my relationship?
A: That emptiness isn’t about her—it’s about unhealed thinking inside you. When you start appreciating your own company, you fill the hole with self-respect instead of validation. The more you like yourself, the less you chase reassurance—and the more attractive you become.
Q: What does “loving yourself” actually look like for a man?
A: It’s not candles and bubble baths. It’s discipline, honesty, and self-trust. It’s doing what you said you’d do, even when nobody’s watching. Loving yourself is the quiet power of knowing you’re proud of the man in the mirror, without needing applause.
Q: How can I rebuild confidence after rejection or divorce?
A: Start by remembering that confidence isn’t given—it’s reclaimed. Every small act of integrity, every boundary you set, every laugh you have alone builds it back. The moment you stop begging life to love you and start enjoying yourself again—you win.
Q: Why do happy, confident men attract more love and respect?
A: Because their energy says, “I’m already full.” Confidence without arrogance creates safety and curiosity. People—especially women—can feel it instantly. When you’re grounded in your own value, you stop demanding affection and start inspiring it.
Q: What’s one simple way to reconnect with my self-worth?
A: Move your body, play your music, and let go. Dance, sing, or walk until you feel light again. That joy isn’t silly—it’s your natural state returning. The more you practice feeling good alone, the more magnetic you become in every relationship.
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