What Is Being A Strong Man?
What does “Being A Strong Man” mean in work, in society but especially in a long term, committed, romantic and struggling marriage?
How do you learn how to be a man who thrives in a deeply rewarding relationship with a woman?
A lot of men are confused.
Be sensitive
Be a strong man
Take the lead
Don’t be controlling
Be you
Don’t be a narcissist
Be considerate
Know what you want
Be a nice guy
Don’t be a nice guy
Be generous
Don’t be a doormat
Ask my permission
Just f*ck me
And it’s easy to see why!!
We try our best to care for and please our women but they don’t seem to be happy.
All the books and courses tell you different things.
However, there’s one thing which we know has changed in recent history.
The insight and advice that our fathers, mentors and other older male role models used to teach younger men about what it means to be a man is no longer happening.
Women are complaining that men don’t show leadership anymore, men don’t make decisions and they don’t take responsibility anymore.
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What Kind Of Man Are You When Nobody Is Watching? (& Why It’s Important To Know)She Said She’s Leaving – Now What?
Yet when we do, we’re called controlling and inconsiderate.
Arghhh!! So what do you do??
I talk more about it in the video below:
You can’t please everybody all the time. Being a strong man means having high moral standards, being self-disciplined, being decisive, having strength in your convictions, being honest and having the courage to face difficulties. It’s being confident and self-reliant. ~ Elliot Katz, Being The Strong Man A Woman Wants
With all the conflicting messages it’s easy to see how we get to the point of disconnection and discontent in our relationships.
But the thing that stands out so clearly for most of the men we talk to (and I raise my hand as I say this, because this was me too), is that we’re trying so hard to “get it right” that we’ve become afraid of making the wrong decision.
In 99% of the situations you deal with in a relationship, it’s less important whether the decision you make is “right” or “wrong,” and it’s much more important that you believe you have agency to make that decision and take the lead. That you trust your intention and direction.
She may have a different perspective, she may have different motivations and fears. She may argue and criticise and question you and your decision.
None of that matters when you have faith in who you are, where you’re headed and WHY.
You see, her objections aren’t about you, they’re about her, and that’s OK. In fact, that’s something you’re interested in learning more about.
I’m not saying you should accept abuse – name calling and shaming should be called out and the conversation stopped until you can carry on without them.
Being strong means stepping forward to make decisions in difficult situations and taking responsibility for the outcome.
When you make decisions from a place of clarity as to WHY you’re making that decision, she can feel the difference, she can trust it. She may still test it, but the more you do this, the less those tests will come.
Making decisions from fear never works out well.
You may avoid the pain of making a mistake, you may avoid more of what you don’t want in that moment (arguing, complaining etc), but you won’t create what you really want (trust, respect etc).
How do you know which decision to make to get what you want?
First you have to know what you want.
In relationships we can be too focused on an outcome rather than showing that we care.
We treat it like a place to GET our needs met, to achieve our goals.
But that’s not how relationships work.
We must treat it like “farming”. You’re planting seeds and doing the ground work to give it the best shot at succeeding.
In long term relationships, TRUST and RESPECT are grown.
Some people think those things must come first and then you can finally open up and be honest and vulnerable with each other.
Never happens that way.
Honesty, openness and vulnerability need to come FIRST. Only then can trust and respect happen.
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to become the man you were always meant to be. It’s a process of rediscovering your enthusiasm for life and it changes who you are as a man.
Some ways for you to become a stronger man are:
Our Men’s Roundtable Community is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Steve and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The support and camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
The How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb course is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, own your power, know what you want and know how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Q: What does it actually mean to be a strong man in a long-term, committed relationship?
A: Being a strong man isn’t about dominance or control. It’s about clarity, agency, and intention. A strong man knows what he stands for, makes decisions from confidence—not fear—and takes responsibility for outcomes. He leads with honesty, vulnerability, and moral backbone, not force.
Q: How do I take the lead in my marriage without being controlling?
A: Leadership is about offering direction while giving her freedom of choice. Control comes from fear. Leadership comes from purpose. When you make decisions from clarity and connection—not insecurity—she can feel the difference. She may still question you, but she’ll feel safer and more trusting over time.
Q: Why does my wife get upset or push back when I finally try to make decisions?
A: Her objections usually aren’t about you—they’re about her fears, perspectives, and insecurities. When you’re grounded, you can welcome that input instead of reacting to it. Strong men stay curious. They don’t crumble under criticism or avoid decisions. They lead with intention, not defensiveness.
Q: How do I know which decisions to make to build trust and respect in my marriage?
A: Start by knowing what you actually want. Then make decisions based on your values—not on avoiding arguments, rejection, or emotional discomfort. Fear-driven decisions sabotage connection. Clear, purposeful decisions create the safety and reliability your partner needs to trust you.
Q: Why do I keep second-guessing myself and feeling scared of “getting it wrong”?
A: Because you’ve tried so hard to please everyone that you’ve lost faith in your own judgment. Strong men aren’t perfect—they’re decisive. They act from intention, own their mistakes, and adjust. Confidence doesn’t come from always being right. It comes from knowing you can handle being wrong.
Q: How do I grow trust, respect, and connection again when my marriage feels disconnected?
A: You start with vulnerability. Not the emotional dumping kind—honest, grounded truth about who you are and what you care about. Vulnerability → trust → respect. That’s the order. In long-term relationships, trust and respect are grown, like farming. Leaders plant seeds consistently, not demand outcomes instantly.
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