The Romance Killing Conversation You Must Stop Dead in its Tracks
Starting tomorrow, let’s all take the pledge to see this conversation coming and promise to kill it on sight.
This conversation is called, “Let’s talk about why I am right and why you’re wrong.”
This is the most aggravating, angering, unattractive, non-sexy, belittling, and judgmental conversation you can have with your romantic partner.
It suffocates ANY preexisting feelings of intimacy, attraction, trust, or respect.
Do it too much and you progress to the next phase of a declining relationship called the:
“I resent you and your self-righteous ass so much I can’t imagine being alone with you let alone letting you touch me”, stage.
We’ve all done it from time to time. Once in a while it is forgivable. But if it becomes a pattern, you’re doomed.
Does this apply to both men and women?
You betcha.
Romance 101
By romance I’m talking about that safe, comfortable, trusting, cozy, mushy-mushy feeling of being accepted, approved, desired, and even CELEBRATED by your partner.
It’s based in the simple chemistry of mutual attraction, trust, respect, and adoration.
Getting to that point is so easy early in our relationships, isn’t it? Why?
Because we haven’t had time to screw it up yet.
How do we screw it up?
By doing anything perceived by your partner to be unattractive, distrustful, disrespectful, and unadoring. It never matters what we meant or what we intended. When our lovers perceive our thoughts, words, and actions as destructive or unhealthy, it’s time to stop and take a look at what we’re doing.
It’s called, “self-awareness”. It’s about caring about your energy and how you impact the feelings of others.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Get What You Want Especially If You Really Really Want ItWhat the Mountain Lion KNOWS…but maybe you don’t quite yet
And it’s enormously important when it comes to knowing when to change gears. Change the tone. Change the energy.
How the Bad Energy Appears to Others
- Bad energy feels like you want to be right more than you want to be happy.
- Bad energy feels annoying and critical.
- Bad energy feels intolerant, incapable, and unwilling to see another view.
- Bad energy feels like one person is smart and the other must be stupid.
- Bad energy feels ugly and emotionally unsafe.
- Bad energy looks insecure, whiny, needy, and lacking in confidence.
- Bad energy feels like a total lack of acceptance.
- Bad energy feels like an intentional attack on your well-being.
- Bad energy is a total turn-off. (click for more on that)
How the Good Energy Feels to Others
Exactly opposite of everything above.
Then add an underlying spritz of masculine or feminine love and approval.
Then top it off with a dash of unconditional acceptance and adoration.
Imagine one of the BEST days you’ve ever spent with your lover.
Yeah, it feels like that.
Can’t We Ever Argue or Disagree?
Of course. Absolutely. You will. You must.
But be aware of the choices you make in HOW you argue and disagree.
You can choose a tone, words, and actions that result in 100% romance sabotage.
Or you can choose those that actually result in good energy.
When done well and done correctly, your arguments and disagreements can actually INCREASE mutual attraction, trust, respect, and adoration.
Why Would you Choose Otherwise?
Let’s talk about that. The answers to that question are at the very ROOT of your next breakthrough. Once you get those answers and start your transformation, you will be amazed at why you didn’t do this years ago.
This is the tip of the iceberg for you. Let’s get to work on your very unique set of problems and solutions. The HOW TO part of our program will blow your doors off.
Schedule your discovery call today to find out if you’re a fit to join me in creating a new level of good energy in your relationship.
Set aside some time and be ready to commit as much heart and soul to the conversation as I am.
I double-dog dare you to step up.
This is what happens if you do:
I feel like I am becoming the man I want to be and my relationship is improving because of it. My only regret is that I lost some good years with my wife. The Masculinity Tune-up has helped me realize that the future will not be lost and I am looking forward to many fantastic years ahead with my wife. I not only appreciate Steve as a life coach but he has now become my friend.
Steve – Wyoming
I was not sure a “man’s coach” could help me overcome some long-standing fear and personal blocks. After talking with Steve initially, it seemed worth a try. Over three intense sessions of understanding my problem (me), Steve provided resources and role-plays on how to get out of my own way. He gave tools to understand my gifts in a relationship, as well as confidence in making commitments and embracing a loving relationship.
Deanna – Fort Collins
To Better Life and Love,
Steve
Q: Why do our arguments always feel like a competition where one of us has to be right?
A: Because most couples slip into the destructive habit of proving, defending, and correcting. That’s bad energy—needy, insecure, and emotionally unsafe. When being right matters more than being close, intimacy suffocates. Shifting to curiosity and compassion instantly changes the tone and rebuilds emotional safety.
Q: How do I stop the “I’m right, you’re wrong” cycle before it wrecks the relationship?
A: Catch it early. The second you feel the urge to correct, lecture, defend, or “explain what really happened,” pause. That’s your moment for self-awareness. Choose a calmer tone, slower pace, and validating language. Good energy isn’t about agreement—it’s about emotional safety and connection.
Q: Why does my partner shut down when we disagree, even when I think I’m being reasonable?
A: Because she’s not responding to your words—she’s responding to your energy. If your tone feels superior, annoyed, or self-righteous, it triggers insecurity and resentment. That bad energy is a romance killer. Even “reasonable” arguments land badly when delivered without warmth or respect.
Q: Can arguments really increase attraction and connection instead of destroying it?
A: Absolutely. When you disagree with good energy—steady tone, open body language, empathy, and zero blame—your partner feels safe even in conflict. Disagreements become a place to understand each other, not attack. Handled right, conflict actually builds trust, respect, and intimacy instead of eroding it.
Q: What makes bad energy so damaging to attraction and intimacy?
A: Because bad energy feels like judgment, criticism, and emotional danger. It looks insecure, needy, or superior—and nothing kills attraction faster. Good energy, on the other hand, feels like approval, respect, and acceptance. It’s the foundation of romance, desire, and long-term connection.
Q: How do I choose better energy when I’m angry, triggered, or feeling attacked?
A: You slow down and lead yourself first. Take a breath. Drop your shoulders. Speak from curiosity, not combat. Remember: your energy matters more than your logic. When you choose emotional leadership instead of proving points, you transform the entire dynamic—and that’s the start of your breakthrough.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
