The One Fear High Achieving Husbands Can’t Admit
The other day a man I met told me an embarrassing secret.
“I feel respected, appreciated and admired just about everywhere else in my life…except when I get home!”
He is normally a confident, high-achieving and successful man. Can you relate?
He has worked hard to earn what he has. He has mastered his craft and is highly knowledgeable and skilled. He is regarded as credible, dependable, reliable and trustable. He experiences a high level of respect and admiration from his colleagues and employees.
And, in his work life, he is easy-going, likeable, light-hearted and generous with his kindness, thoughtfulness and friendship.
Annnnnnd at home…not so much.
At home he feels less important and less appreciated. His super powers at work don’t seem to count for as much at home.
And when she’s mad or upset, he tends to feel her emotions as judgments of him. He mistakes her complaints as criticism and her anger as disrespect.
Here’s the dirty little secret.
He’s quietly afraid of her.
He fears her ability to make him feel small and inadequate.
He fears the possibility of abandonment.
In other words, he simply fears that she can hurt him.
And it’s this fear that makes him think, say and do the very things that make his marriage miserable. It’s this fear that is the most reliable prediction his marriage won’t last.
So what’s the solution?
I made a video about that.
One of the best predictors of a happy, confident partnership is a happy, confident husband.
When we fear we’ve lost power, we will feel driven to compete.
When we fear being attacked, we will feel driven to defend.
When we fear abandonment, we will feel driven to say or do anything to prevent it…feeling weak and inadequate every step along the way.
Our mission has always been to help you understand there is a MUCH BETTER GAME available to you.
- It’s the game of learning how to build massive personal confidence in your ability to lead the positive energy in your relationship.
- It’s the game of learning how your sense of COMPASSION and your sense of HUMOR are your “super powers” in building trust and connection.
- It’s the game of creating a partnership where you BOTH can feel a sense of personal power, respect and appreciation.
Yeah, it’s not hard. And, it’s a LOT more fun than any other thing you may have been trying.
Let’s play. Here are some options to start something brand new.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I feel respected everywhere except at home?
A: Because at work, your confidence is rooted in competence. At home, it’s tested by emotion. You can’t outthink feelings or control them with logic. The moment you fear her disapproval, you lose your center—and she feels it. What she really wants isn’t your submission; it’s your stability under pressure.
Q: Why does my wife’s anger or criticism affect me so deeply?
A: Because you’ve tied your emotional safety to her mood. When she’s upset, you feel personally attacked. But her anger isn’t proof of your failure—it’s a test of your presence. A confident man can stay calm, curious, and compassionate, even when things get heated. That’s when she starts trusting him again.
Q: What does it mean to secretly fear my wife?
A: It means you’ve given her emotional authority over your sense of worth. You fear rejection, conflict, or abandonment—and that fear drives your behavior. The cure isn’t to control her; it’s to master yourself. Confidence is built when you stop running from discomfort and start leading through it.
Q: How can I stop reacting and start leading at home?
A: Shift your focus from being right to being grounded. Practice compassion and humor instead of defense and competition. Let her emotions move through the room without letting them define you. You’re not her opponent—you’re the calm in her storm. That’s leadership.
Q: What happens when I reclaim my confidence at home?
A: Everything changes. You stop feeling small. She stops seeing you as fragile. Conversations become lighter, connection feels natural, and respect flows both ways. When a man learns to lead with calm confidence, his relationship stops feeling like a battlefield—and starts feeling like a dance again.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
