Should Men Assert Their Needs In Marriage?
When men assert their needs it goes in one of two directions. One direction creates the potential for intimacy and the other direction erodes intimacy. I’m going to explain why getting clear on desiring her uniqueness vs having desire makes the difference she can feel.
When a marriage is starting to falter, we feel like we can’t say what we want. It feels awkward to explain our feelings.
Why are we so nervous when it comes to being emotionally honest about what we want?
Why are we afraid to stand up for what we value in our relationship?
Men in this community are smart, caring, sensitive, romantic and articulate.
But we find ourselves lost for words to express our feelings in the face of an angry, unhappy wife.
And there’s a little secret we keep when we complain about loss of “intimacy”.
The truth is that we’re secretly trying to get sex. We’ll say or do anything to get her to have sex. And she knows it.
There is a better way.
“I don’t have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination.” ~ unknown
When we’re coaching men around the desire for more sex in their marriage, we teach them about the energetic difference between wanting sex and desiring HER.
Once you understand this you will see an immediate shift.
It’s as obvious as someone approaching you with clenched fists and a scowl…or a cold beer and a smile.
Seriously.
When men assert their needs, Women FEEL the reason behind his approach at the molecular level
And that’s why things will change so fast when YOU change your energy around your sexual desire.
Do you remember the first month of dating her? You were mesmerized by her mind and her heart. You just loved having her sit in the front seat of your car.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Know If You’re Dealing With Insecurity Or Narcissism In Your MarriageWhat to Do if You Think Your Wife is Leaving You
Your “regard” for her was based on a genuine attraction to her nature and respect for her uniqueness.
And now? Not so much. Right? (that was my story anyway)
Your sexual needs are not wrong. Men who assert their needs from a place of appreciation find their needs get met.
We produced the How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb course around dozens of smart insights like this which husbands have totally forgotten.
With humor, movie clips and graphics we illustrate the energetic change you need to create the change you want in your marriage.
And guess what?
These are changes you’ve been wanting to make on your own anyway. This is what every man tells us about halfway into the course.
We give a 14-Day No Risk Guarantee when you invest in this course. We call it the NO BS Guarantee because we simply don’t screw around with the men in our community. If you don’t think the course is giving you exactly what you need to start changing yourself and your marriage almost immediately then just say so within 14 days. You get your money back minus the processing fee.
Why is it priced at $500? Because $497 is a really stupid trick. We don’t play that sh&t.
We go deep, dark and funny because this stuff is psychologically complicated…it’s scary…and when you get your mojo back…it’s kind of funny.
Here’s the link to go right to the course information page full of details, sample vidoes and an FAQ section at the bottom which is a short course in itself!
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb
The path to renewed confidence is action. And a no-risk action is a no brainer.
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After you’ve taken the test, you will be able to access a personalized assessment of your current place on the journey along with some free videos and some recommended resources handpicked for you.
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Q: Why does asking my wife for more sex feel so awkward or lead to arguments?
A: Because she can feel the energy behind the request. If your sexual desire comes from emptiness, pressure, or insecurity, it lands like a demand. But when you desire her—her uniqueness, her mind, her heart—it feels emotionally safe. One energy erodes intimacy… the other creates it.
Q: What’s the difference between wanting sex and desiring my wife?
A: Wanting sex is about meeting a need. Desiring her is about appreciating her essence—her personality, her presence, her feminine nature. Women feel this difference instantly. When your energy shifts from “I need you to make me feel okay” to “I admire you, value you, and desire you,” connection increases fast.
Q: Why does my wife shut down when I try to express my needs?
A: Because she senses the hidden agenda. Most men (without admitting it) are trying to get sex, reassurance, or emotional relief. She feels that pressure at a molecular level. When you assert your needs from appreciation, not anxiety, she relaxes. Honest desire built on respect is attractive. Neediness isn’t.
Q: How do I express my sexual needs without coming across desperate or manipulative?
A: First, reconnect with the part of you that loved her mind, heart, humor, quirks, and uniqueness. Speak from that energy—not from frustration or entitlement. A man who appreciates her, admires her, and doesn’t need sex to feel whole becomes incredibly attractive. Appreciation opens doors that pressure slams shut.
Q: Why did intimacy feel so natural in the beginning but so difficult now?
A: Because early on you weren’t trying to “get” anything. You were fascinated by her. You relaxed, you listened, you flirted, you admired. Over time, fear and unmet needs made you shift into taking energy instead of giving energy. When you return to confidence, playfulness, and authentic desire, intimacy resurfaces.
Q: How can I rebuild passion in my marriage without begging, hinting, or pushing for sex?
A: Start by changing your energy. Build emotional connection, appreciation, and presence. Focus on becoming the man she felt safe desiring—relaxed, confident, thoughtful, masculine, and grounded. Attraction grows when she feels valued, not used. When your desire honors her, she naturally moves toward you again.
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