The BIGGEST TURN OFF She Will Never Tell You
One of the most valuable pieces of information I can share with you about sexual attraction and sexual rejection is this.
By the time sexual frustration and conflict enter into a relationship, there has been a long road of bad feelings AND bad behavior on both sides.
Your wife or girlfriend is CRYSTAL CLEAR about the negative energy you BOTH have generated. While she is feeling bad and emotionally mistreated, she is also keenly aware of how badly she has been treating you.
In this reality, it is impossible for her to feel sexually attracted to you.
Do you feel the same? Probably not.
In fact, most men believe that a sexual connection at this point would help to reconnect and smooth over the negativity and erase the bad feelings caused by being treated poorly.
She thinks this is INSANE.
This issue is the BIGGEST turn-off. To her it feels unattractive, un-manly, and a little desperate.
She can not imagine having sex with someone that she is not attracted to.
Given how horrible she’s been and how she’s has treated you, how could you possibly be attracted to her and want sex?
If you consistently make sexual advances toward a woman who is feeling unattractive she will also find YOU unattractive.
And if you act sexually attracted to a woman who KNOWS she has been acting unattractively and not attracted toward you, she WILL lose respect for you.
The old cliché is that women need to feel intimacy before having sex – men need to have sex to feel intimacy. Clichés are born for a reason. There is a lot of truth to this. But you’re not a slave to it.
So what do you do?
You must choose a new principle for yourself and starting operating by it today. The new principle will mean taking sex off the table unless the feelings YOU require are present.
The new mindset requires you to raise your standards and expectations for HER to earn sexual intimacy with YOU. You are the prize here, not her. Scary stuff, huh? I know. That is a critical mind-shift.
It’s time you hit the reset button and starting acting like the prize you were before things got rough.
It’s time to remember and embrace the YOU who was irresistible to her in the beginning, before bad feelings and bad behavior became a problem.
Taking sex off the table until your conditions are met is essential.
These conditions are FIRST about meeting the expectations you have for yourself in regard to how you feel and how you treat her.
These conditions are ALSO about her choosing to meet your expectations for how you want to feel and how you expect to be treated.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Sexless Marriage How To Lead The Erotic Energy In Your RelationshipHow To Be Less Affected By What Your Wife Says Or Does
This is called “setting your boundaries” – first for yourself, then for her.
This isn’t easy work. I know. It’s a huge change for most of us. I can help you understand this and exactly HOW this is going to go for you.
Just call or just email. Talking it out with a brother is the best thing you can do. Use that annoying “Let’s Talk” pop-up box if you need to.
Just make the decision to DO something different. Something new.
Remember…
Only TWO THINGS change your life: either something new comes into your life, or something NEW comes out of you! (Brendon Burchard)
Q: Why does sexual rejection happen even when I’m trying to reconnect through sex?
A: Because she feels the negative emotional residue between you. She knows how she has treated you—and how you’ve treated her. To her, the idea of sex without feeling attracted or safe feels insane. She can’t bridge the gap with her body when her heart still feels hurt.
Q: Why does she find me unattractive when I try to be sexual with her?
A: Because she feels your need, not your strength. When a woman already feels unattractive, misunderstood, or disconnected, your advances feel like pressure—not passion. Acting sexually interested in someone who isn’t reciprocating makes her lose respect for you, not increase desire.
Q: Why do I still WANT sex even though she’s been treating me poorly?
A: Because men often use sex as a way to reconnect emotionally, soothe conflict, and reset closeness. She sees that as backward—and desperate. You want repair. She feels avoidance. You’re looking for intimacy; she’s still protecting herself from pain. Same problem, two completely opposite instincts.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake men make when trying to fix a sexless marriage?
A: Continuing to initiate sex with a woman who isn’t attracted to you. It doesn’t look romantic. It looks weak. And weakness kills desire instantly. You must stop chasing what she isn’t offering and rebuild the foundation that creates attraction in the first place—respect, safety, lightness, and positive energy.
Q: How do I “take sex off the table” without punishing her?
A: You shift your standard—not as a tactic, but as a value. You decide that sex only happens when you feel respected, desired, and emotionally connected, too. You stop begging and start behaving like a man with boundaries. This resets the power dynamic and restores your self-respect.
Q: What does it mean that I am the prize?
A: It means you stop acting like a starving man hoping for crumbs of affection. You remember the version of you she once found irresistible—the man with confidence, humor, purpose, and standards. When you hold that frame again, attraction becomes possible. When you don’t, rejection becomes predictable.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
