(Part 1) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid
When your marriage is struggling badly there are proven ways to accelerate its demise…and proven ways to stop the struggle and downward spiral.
Unfortunately, most of us take the first route. With anxious urgency, we scramble for solutions, make snap decisions and trip all over ourselves trying to “save” it. This is how we can accelerate a divorce because it only adds fuel to the fire and validates her feelings that she’s with the wrong guy.
So…what’s the alternative? What would you have to do…or who would you have to BE in order to slow down the freight train of impending divorce?
How do you “change her mind” without desperately making things worse?
Coach Garrett Prettyman has a story about Luke and Hailey. You’ll see how Luke is grasping for control by trying anything and everything he’s seen online.
Don’t be a “Luke”.
The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course is one of the best ways you will become more clear, confident and grounded so you
can avoid all the wishy-washy mistakes most men make.
This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a guide for recovering a failing marriage.
Luke’s Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness
3 Days ago.
That’s when Luke’s wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, “I want a divorce”.
Luke’s world was turned upside down.
He knew their marriage had issues but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.
Luke’s emotions overwhelmed him and he couldn’t keep the tears back.
He cried, begged, and pleaded for her to change her mind.
Nothing Luke said could sway Hailey’s decision.
Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.
“If she wants divorce let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own” several men advised.
Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.
Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.
Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with divorce regardless.
A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.
The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.
The E-book claimed many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.
Luke took this advice to heart.
Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.
Hailey let out a huge sigh of relief.
With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.
Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize their assets.
Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.
He loved Hailey dearly and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him up.
Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.
A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.
The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.
This jumped out to Luke.
Over the years, Hailey had many times said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”
Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.
The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”
Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the divorce.
The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help you with this divorce.”
Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”
Luke replied, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put us in situations I don’t want any part of!”
Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.
Hailey got up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.
How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage
Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering or painful feeling.
Urgency and desperation are never good reasons to make big decisions.
Trust me when I say it’s better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing our minds.
Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate if his choices were correct.
He also didn’t know how to process grief, allowing the pain to make him go back on his promise to help her.
Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey’s choices or his feelings.
Women are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.
If the moment a new perspective emerges our boundaries and decisions change, we demonstrate that we don’t trust ourselves.
During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.
Resist following every new bit of new advice and stick to your own code of conduct!
It’s okay to change our minds when we do it slowly and deliberately, not because we feel rushed or triggered.
How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking
In our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course, we teach you how to sort preferences from values so you can hold yourself to a personal code no matter what.
Many men confuse stubbornness for confidence and wonder why their wife gets so frustrated when they try to hold their ground.
Mark & I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.
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October is coming either way, wouldn’t it be great to have a permanent boost in your masculine confidence by that time?
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Registration closes August 3rd and our first session will be August 17th at 5:00 PM Pacific.
We’ll see you in the course!
Q: Why do men often make things worse when their wife says she wants a divorce?
A: Because panic takes over. When fear runs the show, we scramble for quick fixes, devour conflicting advice online, and change strategies every few days. That anxious energy screams “I don’t trust myself.” Women feel that instantly—it validates their decision to leave. The more desperate you act, the less safe she feels around you.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake men make after hearing “I want a divorce”?
A: They start chasing outcomes instead of standing for principles. Luke’s mistake was letting Hailey’s reactions dictate his choices. One day he’s helping her pack, the next he’s setting boundaries. His inconsistency proved he had no inner compass. Confidence isn’t about getting it “right”—it’s about being steady in what you stand for.
Q: How can I respond calmly when everything feels like it’s falling apart?
A: You slow everything down. Take time before reacting. Sit in the discomfort instead of escaping it. Build a personal code of values—how you want to show up as a man, regardless of what she does. This gives you clarity, strength, and peace when everything else is chaotic. Calmness under pressure is true masculine leadership.
Q: Why does changing my mind make things worse?
A: Because it signals insecurity. Every time you flip-flop based on her moods or new advice, you reinforce her belief that you can’t be trusted to lead. Confidence isn’t about never adjusting—it’s about changing course slowly, intentionally, not reactively. Stick to your values. The man who trusts himself earns trust from others.
Q: What’s the key to slowing down the spiral toward divorce?
A: Consistency. Emotional steadiness. Decisive thinking. A woman feels safe around a man whose choices aren’t swayed by fear or external noise. You can’t control her decisions, but you can embody calm, grounded leadership that changes the entire emotional tone of the relationship. Confidence—not control—is what shifts the tide.
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