Not Getting Triggered and Managing Your Emotions
Do you struggle with not getting triggered in your marriage or romantic relationship? Most men do at some point in their lives. Being triggered feels crappy and things very rarely work out well from that point onwards…so what can you do to avoid it?
So there I was today…at the top of a mountain trying to square up the foundation poles for a He Shed/She Shed.
I’m becoming one of those “old guys” now who patiently and painstakingly measures twice and cuts once.
I’ve become absolutely laser focused on getting the important things right because I know that without a square floor this shed will fight me every step of the way.
I’ll make mistakes – no doubt about that. But it won’t be because I started out with a freaking trapezoid for a floor!
I still take short cuts that result in me smashing my finger between an actual rock and a hard place. A little blood helps make the project memorable.
So allow me to get to my point and, yes, I do have one.
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First watch this video where I explain the concept of “measuring your manhood”.
How to Measure Your Manhood
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
I want to give you one new way to think about measuring your manhood.
This one unit of measure is something every great man must pay attention to on a daily basis.
It’s a reliable way to know if you’re being the “good man” Marcus Aurelius is talking about in the above quote.
It’s a measurement of the amount of time it takes for to return to your inner mountain lion after a major triggering event.
Every single one of us has a temper tantrum throwing, over-reacting, competitive, argumentative, insecure and immature little fu*&er living inside of us.
The extent to which we are aware of him and able to father him is the extent to which we will feel like a little boy or a good man.
Think about all the things that can trigger the little guy in your relationship.
- Being criticized
- Being yelled atGetting rebuffed for affection or sex
- Getting the silent treatment
- Being threatened with divorce!
- Your favorite here.
Your homework for this week is to REDUCE THE TIME IT TAKES TO RE-CENTER YOURSELF after any trigger. Lower your heart-rate. Slow your breathing. Take a deep breath and smile and the little shit who was trying to get you to over-react.
The more we stew in anger, resentment, bitterness and fear the more ugly, scary and undependable we are.
The longer we allow OUTSIDE CIRCUMSTANCES to rattle us off our strong, squared foundation the more pathetic and ashamed we feel inside.
Good news. You have everything you need to do this. You don’t need anyone else to stop triggering you. You need to learn how to manage your own triggers! And when a man learns how to do that, he can more calmly and EFFECTIVELY deal with the triggering behaviors and the people behind them.
In our community we talk about this stuff every single hour of every single day. I’m talking about all the dirty personal details and embarrassing moments a guy could possibly share. It’s incredible to watch men like you transform from angry, confused and afraid to happy, crystal clear and confident in a matter of weeks.
I get to watch this happen on our live group calls, in our secret Facebook groups and at our retreats. And I want more of it.
That means I want you to be a part of the incredibleness. These are the ways you can join the fun and start getting more of want you want from yourself and from your life – sooner than later.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. We lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have THREE LIVE coaching video calls per month. The support and camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
The How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb course is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.”
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, own your power, know what you want and know how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Q: Why do I get triggered so easily by my wife even when I know I shouldn’t?
A: Because every man has that insecure little guy inside — the over-reacting, defensive part that hates criticism, rejection, or feeling powerless. Getting triggered isn’t the problem. Staying triggered is. The real skill is shortening the time it takes to re-center yourself and return to your “inner mountain lion.”
Q: How do I calm down faster after being criticized, yelled at, or shut out?
A: You calm down by “measuring your manhood” the right way — by how quickly you can re-center after a trigger. Slow your breathing, lower your heart rate, and smile at the little guy inside who wants to throw a tantrum. This is how great men regain composure and respond instead of react.
Q: What should I do when my wife pulls away, rejects affection, or gives me the silent treatment?
A: First, get grounded. Don’t let outside circumstances yank you off your squared foundation. When you learn how to manage your own triggers, you show up calm, steady, and clear. From that place, you can actually address her behavior effectively instead of adding fuel to the fire.
Q: Why do I feel ashamed or weak after losing my cool in a triggering moment?
A: Because every time you stew in anger, resentment, or fear, you drift into the “little boy” version of yourself. You know you’re capable of more. The shame is simply a signal pointing you back toward masculine self-leadership — returning to center faster and taking ownership of your emotional state.
Q: How do I stop letting outside circumstances control my emotions in my relationship?
A: You build a strong internal foundation — like measuring and squaring the floor of your shed so the whole structure stands straight. When you slow down, breathe, and re-center quickly after a trigger, you stop being rattled by every mood, comment, or rejection. That’s emotional leadership.
Q: What’s the best way to start becoming the calm, confident man my relationship needs?
A: Start by practicing one thing: reduce the time between the trigger and your return to grounded clarity. That’s the daily “manhood measurement” that matters. If you want deeper support, communities like the Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable or the Masculine Confidence coaching program help you master these tools fast.
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