My Wife Wants Space What Now?
You’ve just heard your wife wants space and now you’re on a mission to work out what the hell that even means, you’ll stop at nothing to get the answer you need…I know because I was you a few years back.
First I have to give you a warning, this article contains ideas and covers topics that some people may find offensive or distressing. Worse still, that’s kind of the point.
Can you relate to these traits of what I call the “hummingbird husband”?
Hummingbirds are nervous little fellers. Uncertain and twitchy.
They don’t trust anyone or anything. Always questioning.
Anxious as hell hovering for their turn at the feeder.
And with a flying heart rate around 1000 beats per minute, I wonder why they just don’t explode in mid-air.
Can you relate? I can.
“The Hummingbird husband” – A Guaranteed Way Husbands Turn Their Wives Off
The hummingbird husband is her libido killer. I’m a leading authority on the hummingbird husband. I was one for many years and I can now spot it easily in the men I work with. It’s a syndrome that’s sure to leave you feeling agitated with yourself.
And it’s a guaranteed libido killer in all wives. One hundred percent of them. Did I mention I’m an expert?
We’re not bad husbands. We’re actually really super guys. A little “overly involved” perhaps, but we mean well…maybe.
Other articles you may find helpful:
The Secret to a Happier & More Sexual MarriageWhy HOPING to Save Your Marriage is Useless
We’re just being attentive. Possibly too attentive.
But we just want to know what’s going on. We want to know what she’s doing, where she’s going, who she’s talking to, who she’s texting.
We want to know what she’s buying, why she needs it, why is she late and how could she possibly not know she was driving on a flat tire.
Doesn’t she know that will ruin a tire?
Hummingbird Husbands Ask Lots Of Questions.
Rarely simple statements. Rapid-fire innocent inquiries are our specialty.
It’s exhausting for both of us.
And here’s our dirty little secret about our overwhelming concern for her well-being.
When we keep asking:
“Are you okay? What’s the matter? Did I do something wrong? Why are you mad? How are you doing?”
…what we’re really asking is “Am I okay?”
I talk more about this in the video below:
What to Do When Your Wife Wants Space
“Am I Okay? Am I Okay? Am I Okay?”
When I was in my hovering days, this was the underlying question behind most of my questions.
Am I okay?
Are we okay?
Do you still love me?
Do you still want me?
It’s embarrassing as hell to admit I was that guy for some time. I sought continual reassurance that everything was okay. That I would be okay.
Insecurity sucks. And it’s magnified about 100 times toward the end of a marriage. It’ll eat a man alive.
I was a typical hummingbird husband. To the outside world, I was a model of calmness and stability. At work and social situations, I was Mr. Cool. It was not an act. I really was Mr. Cool.
But I could never figure out where Mr. Cool went when I was in my own house.
As I said, insecurity sucks. And it seems to be most triggered in our romantic relationships – inside our own home.
Yeah, I’m Okay
If you can relate to any part of the hummingbird husband’s story, I want you to know one important fact. Do not doubt me on this. Remember, I am a leading authority.
You’re okay.
Really, you are. All of that blabbering, hovering and interrogating is just a little self-doubt.
Your overactive mind and anxious heart is just a matter of a little self-esteem recalibration.
While I am definitely not an expert on male insecurity or the underlying baggage causing it, I do know this. You have the power of choice.
I’ve witnessed too many men simply choose to stop with the hummingbird act and adopt a healthier perspective of themselves and their lives. They did enough introspection and inner work to allow themselves to experience an epiphany. A BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious).
It sounds like, “My wife and my marriage are not and have never been the source – or the measure – of my value. I’m okay, dammit. I’m okay!”
When these guys decided to change their operating system, it was like moving their mojo setting from hummingbird to mountain lion. They embraced a whole new demeanor. It’s best described as a calm, deliberate and pleased energy.
Since The Way Husbands Turn Their Wives Off is By Being A Hummingbird – Start Being A Mountain Lion
Mountain lion men don’t put on an act.
They feel cool-headed, secure, regal, aware, curious, playful, loving, protective, brave, sensitive and caring.
You may find them on a high rock casually flipping their tail and letting out a huge yawn before taking a nap in the sun.
No more doubts. No more questions. Heart rate – 40.
From that vantage point, anything is possible.
Now you know why husbands turn their wives off when they operated from a core belief of self-doubt. You have to let go of her. The hummingbird husband needs self-doubt and insecurity to keep his wings flapping. Choose to hang out with mountain lion husbands. Let their cool-headed, caring, playful and secure behaviors rub off on you.
If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then there are 3 ways we can help you change that quicker than you’d believe:
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Right now there’s a very different life and relationship you can create which is exactly WHY Goodguys2Greatmen exists – we see it all the time. But it starts with you making a choice – you have to want something different. You have to take action for that change to happen.
Q: Why does my wife asking for space make me panic and act like a “hummingbird husband”?
A: Because “wife wants space” triggers your deepest insecurity. Your anxious thinking kicks in, and suddenly every question you ask her is really, “Am I okay?” That hummingbird energy — hovering, checking, chasing — kills your confidence and her attraction. The antidote? Slow down, breathe, and question your thinking before you question her.
Q: How do I stop being that needy, nervous, over-attentive husband who turns his wife off?
A: You stop by understanding the truth: your anxiety isn’t about her — it’s your own self-doubt talking. The hummingbird husband is driven by fear. When you shift to a mountain lion mindset — calm, deliberate, grounded — your presence becomes attractive again. Secure energy restores connection far faster than reassurance-seeking ever will.
Q: What do I do when I can’t stop asking my wife questions because I’m scared something is wrong?
A: Recognize that your rapid-fire questions aren’t about her feelings — they’re about your need for reassurance. Every “Are you okay?” really means “Am I okay?” The fix isn’t controlling her behavior; it’s calming your nervous system and challenging the insecure story you’re telling yourself before it runs your marriage.
Q: Why do I feel confident everywhere except at home with my wife?
A: Because romantic relationships expose the exact insecurities you can hide from the rest of the world. Mr. Cool disappears at home because home activates your fear of rejection. This is normal — but not permanent. As you rebuild internal approval and shift from self-doubt to self-trust, that calm, grounded confidence comes back online.
Q: How do I shift from a hummingbird husband to a mountain lion man?
A: By choosing it — consciously. Mountain lion men aren’t faking confidence. They slow their mental heart rate, stop chasing reassurance, and operate from a belief of “I’m okay.” They become curious, playful, protective, secure. It starts with one decision: my value is not measured by my wife’s mood or approval.
Q: What should I do right now if I want to save my marriage without acting desperate?
A: Stop hovering. Stop interrogating. Stop chasing clarity. Your wife wants space because she needs emotional safety — not pressure. Focus on strengthening your presence, values, and mindset. Get guidance from men who’ve already made the shift. Taking action to become grounded again is far more powerful than begging for answers.
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