My Wife Said “You Need To Get A Life!”
Have you ever been told to “get a life” by your wife or girlfriend?
It feels both insulting and confusing.
She’s implying you’re being a pain in her ass. She thinks you should find something better to do than what you’re doing now.
And you’re confused because you assumed that being with her was a big part of your life. Your relationship is a priority to you. How can she not feel the same way!?
What does she really mean when she says you need to get a life?
She’s saying your lack of interests outside of her is making you much less interesting to her than she would like. It’s that simple.
The single biggest threat to a man’s long term sense of confidence, emotional strength, worthiness and overall well-being is this:
ISOLATION FROM OTHER MEN
Historically, women have done a much better job of maintaining ties to their female tribe members who they can trust to understand them, support them and encourage them.
On the other hand, men have been developing some pretty self-destructive habits.
We think we can handle any issue alone – so we isolate ourselves from possible friends and mentors.
We place 90% of our priorities on our roles of provider, husband and father – so we have no time left for strong male relationships outside of those priorities.
We use our downtime with electronic activities of all types to decompress, detach and isolate ourselves from responsibility and engagement.
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We do this at the expense of our need to BELONG to something bigger than ourselves.
When a woman tells us to “get a life” we should hear it this way.
I would really love to see you get passionate about yourself, your life, your friends and your purpose. That would be so hot!
Don’t get me wrong.
I still want you to WANT her. I still want you to pursue her as your life partner and beautiful lover.
I still want you to be available, engaged and responsive to your family.
I still want you to be a leader.
But I also want you to know that your long term sense of personal value, attractiveness and overall MOJO cannot be fostered by just your wife and family.
You need a family of strong, smart, initiated men who totally understand you.
They understand what hurts you and scares you.
These men share your values and your desires for creating an amazing life of love and laughter.
These are men you can trust when you’re down and men who will believe in your more than you believe in yourself sometimes.
I would love to see you make this priority for yourself in 2020.
In this video I explain more about why COMMUNITY is so important.
There many ways to join my community of absolutely amazing men.
The moment you join us you will feel how SAFE this community is.
We don’t bitch about women and put them down.
We don’t insult each other or compete with each other.
We don’t waste time being victims because we’re too busy working on how to take our balls back and create what we want.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage
Q: Why would my wife tell me to “get a life” if I’m trying to prioritize our relationship?
A: She’s not rejecting you — she’s reacting to your isolation. When your whole world becomes her, you lose the confidence, mojo, and emotional strength that attracted her in the first place. Women want men with purpose, passion, and community — not men who orbit them.
Q: How do I stop feeling needy or boring when my wife says I have no life outside the relationship?
A: Rebuild the parts of you that don’t depend on her approval. Your hobbies, mission, and friendships matter. When you stop living in isolation and invest in your own life again, you naturally become more interesting, grounded, and attractive. That’s the energy she’s craving.
Q: What should I do when I feel lonely, disconnected, and like I have no close male friends?
A: This is the silent epidemic for men. Your confidence and self-worth collapse without community. You don’t need a huge tribe — just a few strong, smart, trustworthy men who get you. Brotherhood restores the emotional strength your marriage alone can’t provide.
Q: Why does isolation make me less confident and more dependent on my wife emotionally?
A: Because no woman can carry the weight of being your only source of validation and purpose. When you lack male community, you lean too hard on her, and that pressure kills attraction. A tribe rebuilds your confidence, emotional strength, and leadership — the qualities she wants to feel from you.
Q: How do I rebuild my identity and purpose when I’ve spent years focused on work, marriage, and family?
A: Start by giving yourself permission to matter again. Prioritize your passions, growth, and friendships. Reclaiming purpose isn’t selfish — it makes you a stronger partner and father. A man with direction is deeply attractive because he knows who he is and what he stands for.
Q: What should I do when my wife feels distant and I feel like I’m losing my mojo?
A: Pull your energy inward. Reconnect with your mission, your body, your values, and your tribe. Stop seeking reassurance and start leading your own life. When your confidence comes from inside, not from her, the emotional distance in the relationship begins to dissolve.
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