My Wife Said I’m Needy, How Can I Be More Confident?
How do you know if you’re being too needy?
You know…smothering, joined at the hip, invasive, pestering and insecure. I remember those days well.
And how do you know if you’re being too independent?
You know…detached, selfish, distant, inattentive, dismissive, self-absorbed and asshole-ish. I remember those days well too.
The problem is that it’s EASY for us to fall into either of those modes if we’re not awake and aware. And nothing good happens when that happens.
That’s what this email and video are all about.
I want to help you become more aware of who you are being so you can better create what you really want.
In the video I explain these two circles. One circle is you and the other circle is your lady.
That shaded football zone is your relationship.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to Initiate Sex and Not Get RejectedWhat To Do When Your Wife Wants To Separate
How do you show up there? Do you feel confident, secure and healthy? Do you two openly share feelings and ideas without fear or taking things personally? Is it generally a calm, loving SAFE place?
Or does it feel scary, frustrating, dark and uncertain? Is there more conflict than conversation? More doubt than adoration? Is it generally a tense, cold and unsafe place?
The fancy words therapists use to talk about this stuff are “codependence”, “independence” and “interdependence”.
If we want to create a calm, loving and safe interdependent relationship we must learn to become confident, secure and healthy INDEPENDENT men.
Without a healthy frame of independence we will always look outside of ourselves for well-being. We will beg for attention and affection. And we will be a smothering source of insecurity in our relationships.
That’s what co-dependence can feel like. When those circles eclipse each other you become wholly dependent on the other person to make you OKAY. And the outcome ain’t pretty.
Learn more about it this video. I explain what healthy independence looks like and WHY it’s so important to a healthy relationship.
If you just implement ONE THING from this article try this.
When you’re together with your woman this weekend…just pay attention. Turn off all distractions in your head and in your hands.
Listen. Make eye contact. Try harder to understand than trying to be understood. Be more interested than trying to be interesting. Say “Tell me more” when she stops talking.
In other words, be a calm, confident independent man who can be present without NEEDING anything. Lead with generosity. Lead with positive thoughts.
If nothing else happens, YOU will feel better about YOU…and that usually improves things overall.
Some guys find this stuff impossible. It can be ridiculously hard when your head is in the wrong place.
How do you get it in the right place?
Answer:
With other initiated men who have walked this path and can show you to fastest way to get where you want to go.
This is what we do with men.
Books, articles and videos are great but to really make quick progress and get to a point where you’re consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic about life again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make. This is the truth that I want you to LEARN – this is the thing I had to learn first before I could grow in this way – you need other men to do this work!! Why do you think indigenous tribes have male only initiation ceremonies?? It’s incredibly powerful and life changing!
Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.
Come and try our coaching through our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.
I know you want to move from focusing on the negative all the time to a more positive relationship, we would love to help you get there and start CREATING the life that you want.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage .
Q: How do I know if I’m being too needy in my relationship?
A: You’re being needy when your emotional stability depends on her attention, affection, or mood. If you feel anxious when she’s distant, overthink her silence, or need reassurance to feel “okay,” you’re operating from insecurity—not connection.
Q: How do I know if I’ve become too independent or emotionally distant?
A: You’re too independent when she feels invisible or unimportant. If you avoid emotional conversations, withdraw during conflict, or stay in your own world without including her, she experiences that as cold—not masculine.
Q: What does a healthy interdependent relationship look like?
A: Interdependence is the overlap between your two circles—the shared emotional space where closeness doesn’t erase individuality. It feels safe, warm, steady, and mutually respectful.
Q: Why do I swing between neediness and detachment when things get hard?
A: Stress triggers survival instincts. Anxiety pulls you closer. Avoidance pushes you away. Both are driven by fear. A grounded man learns to stay centered instead of bouncing between extremes.
Q: How can I show up as confident and present without needing anything from her?
A: Slow down. Make eye contact. Listen more than you talk. Be curious instead of defensive. When you stop needing her reaction to feel validated, your presence becomes calm, masculine, and deeply attractive.
Q: Can changing my behavior really shift the whole relationship dynamic?
A: Yes. When you stay steady, self-sourced, and emotionally grounded, the entire atmosphere changes. Women relax around stable men. Safety leads to connection, and connection leads to everything you want.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
