My Wife Always Criticizes Me
I was talking with a client the other day and he told me had never seen RAGE like he saw in his wife’s face.
They were having a heated discussion and he decided to just end it by calling her the “C” word.
It’s the one word women have told me they hate hearing more than any other name you could call them. And it’s not what you might be thinking.
He said, I’m done with this. You’re just crazy!
Oh yes he did. He used the crazy word.
And it began an emotional nuclear reaction that lasted for the next 14 days.
He told me he had never seen such an intense combination of RAGE and TEARS at the same time.
Do you know why this is one of the most destructive words you can use in your relationship?
I get really clear and explicit in this video.
Pouring gas on the fire of shame
When it comes to name calling, we know exactly where to poke the most sensitive nerves in each other.
You may be confused by your woman. You may think she’s being irrational. You may think she is living in the past.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Know If Your Marriage Is SaveableSteve Horsmon: Let go of my ears I know what I’m doing
But calling her “crazy” is like pouring salt on a gaping wound of shame.
As Brene Brown’s research has shown, many women have decades of conditioning around the “not good enough” shame trigger. And the one person she hoped wouldn’t poke that trigger is you.
It’s easy for us guys to empathize with this if we’re willing to stop taking things personally for a minute.
Think about a time when you’ve been feeling upset, aggravated, inadequate, clumsy, clingy, unappreciated and/or unloved.
And then someone says, Just stop being a pussy!
Oh yes they did!
I know! It trips a shame trigger that feels like a dagger in the gut. It rubs salt in the male shame wound of “being weak”.
Now you know how she feels. It’s called empathy.
It’s the secret sauce and fail safe solution to the toxic habit of name calling and shame triggering.
And when you get clear, strong and confident in your own masculine frame, you can employ empathy in ways that will change the entire tone of your relationship.
What if?…
She’s not crazy. She’s afraid.
She’s not crazy. She’s angry.
She’s not crazy. She’s feeling disconnected and dismissed.
What if if you had another pair of glasses to see the truth?
What if you learned to be more aware and more skillful in how you respond?
What if you knew exactly what she needed to trust you enough to move closer?
Somebody needs to lead the way here, brother. And that’s you.
This short lesson on the “crazy trigger” is one of dozens of things we teach you when you join the Goodguys2Greatmen community.
Whether it’s personal coaching, group coaching or the online course you will make powerful changes in yourself and improve your relationship faster in a few weeks than you ever thought possible.
The Men’s Live Group Coaching Roundtable has an incredibly active Facebook group and we meet twice a month for live Q&A coaching.
One guy posted this recently in our secret Facebook group:
I want to say how much I appreciate you guys that have participated in the previous calls. I’ve listened to the last 8 or so calls. Your sharing and intelligent insights have really helped me recently. I just want to thank you for opening up and being there. Your participation helps beyond the calls.
Click HERE to sign up and join us.
And if you’re a man who is just finding out that he may be headed for separation or divorce, the powerful online course “How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb” has its own community of amazing men who are waiting for you to join them in learning things you wish your dad told you about men, women and marriage.
Interested in a personal coach for customized coaching program? Apply here for a free consultation call.
Q: Why does calling my wife ‘crazy’ create such an extreme reaction?
A: Because “crazy” hits the deepest female shame wound: I’m not good enough… I’m failing as a woman. She’s not reacting to the word — she’s reacting to what it symbolizes. To her, “crazy” means You don’t trust my feelings, you don’t value my perspective, and you see me as broken. That’s why the emotional nuclear explosion happens.
Q: I said something hurtful in an argument and now she’s shut down. How do I fix this?
A: You don’t “fix” her — you clean up your side of the street. Own your part without excuses. A calm, grounded apology that sounds like, “I spoke from fear, not strength. You didn’t deserve that,” goes a long way. Then give her space without withdrawing your warmth. Repair requires consistency, not scrambling.
Q: She says I’m dismissive of her emotions. I honestly just think she overreacts. What do I do?
A: Stop trying to judge her reactions and start recognising what’s under them. Women rarely escalate because they’re “irrational.” They escalate because they feel unheard, unsafe, or dismissed. When you respond with curiosity instead of criticism, you pull her out of the storm instead of fueling it.
Q: How do I keep from reacting when she gets emotional or upset?
A: Ground yourself FIRST. Breathe. Slow down. Remember that her emotion isn’t an attack — it’s communication. A confident man can hold space without needing to defend, fix, or win. Calmness is leadership. Your ability to stay steady is the antidote to both of your emotional spirals.
Q: How can I rebuild trust after triggering her shame and causing days of resentment?
A: Through pattern change, not promises. Trust resets when she sees you consistently show up differently: calm instead of reactive, curious instead of defensive, empathetic instead of dismissive. You don’t need perfection. You need a new pattern she can feel in her body.
Q: What should I say instead of calling her ‘crazy’ when she’s upset?
A: Try this:
“Hey… I’m here. I want to understand you, even if we’re heated right now.”
or
“I can see you’re overwhelmed. I’m not going anywhere.”
These statements communicate leadership, presence, and emotional safety — the exact opposite of the “crazy” trigger.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
