Just Heard I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You? Is There Hope?
If you’ve heard your wife say I love you but I’m not in love with you then you may well be confused about what that means for the future while simultaneously feeling hopeless and betrayed. So what should you do now?
Hoping for things you have no control over to miraculously change leads to feeling powerless and frustrated, but you do have an influence over what happens next. The question is…will you react from fear and hit out with blame or will you respond with clarity and confidence – we help you do the latter.
The Wrong Kind Of Hope
We speak with so many men each week who want to have HOPE. I remember having this kind of hope once.
We want to have hope that our marriage won’t end.
We want to have hope that our family won’t break up and we won’t miss seeing our kids every single day.
And we want to have hope that our wife will turn back toward us and love us they way we imagine she could.
But that kind of hope is paralyzing and debilitating.
That kind of hope is attached to ONLY ONE version of life….ONLY ONE OUTCOME that could save us from personal destruction.
That kind of hope is based on a poisonous attachment to the whims of others and is dependent on all circumstances bending to your will…and to your FEARS.
Hope doesn’t work like that. There’s a better way to hope.
It’s how a strong, confident, secure man chooses to hope.
The Right Kind Of Hope
The kind of hope I wish for you is a WISE hope. This kind of hope is a belief system.
It’s a place of calm, confident faith that everything happening now has a hidden benefit that is yours to find.
Other articles you may find helpful:
My Wife Just Said She’s Not Happy in Our Marriage – Help!Trying to Make Your Wife Happy Won’t Get You What You Want
And when we see that benefit and live into it, everything somehow works out in a way that makes sense…and we find peace in that.
Despite the darkness of the apparent reality staring you in the face at this moment, there is a purpose behind this shit show.
Standing strong in the face of circumstances you can’t change with the absolute BELIEF that, one way or another, this will all turn out just as it should…is a very healthy kind of hope.
It’s a powerful inner voice that says, “Hey dude. You’re okay. And you’re gonna be okay. Breathe, brother. Really!”
I talk more about this choice of mindset in the video below.
Don’t Hope She’ll Love You Again…Hope for This Instead
You Asked: “Is There Hope”…You Got: “The 2×4 Of Clarity”
You might be thinking, “Yada yada yada. More new age BS that isn’t helping my situation at all.”
I know. Too much bloviating about “the universe” can make me throw up in my mouth a little too.
A very simple and blunt way of saying the same thing is this way:
“Life is tough. And it’s a lot tougher if you’re stupid.”
~ John Wayne
My coaching is always kind. Always respectful. And always empathetic.
But a little tough love can be really helpful sometimes.
I remember too well the time when my guts were spilling on the floor and I was slipping in my own blood of despair.
I remember the panic and the “Mr. Fixer” desperation I applied to my failing marriage.
And I remember when a 2×4 hit me in the friggin’ head and showed me the truth.
The truth was that no matter what I felt and no matter what I HOPED for I actually had NO CONTROL over the outcome. There was only ONE path to take.
I had to RESPOND better to my circumstances. I had to quit fighting and beating my head into the wall.
It was the most COUNTER-INTUITIVE decision I ever made, but the “2×4 of Clarity” spelled it out.
Instead of wondering “is there hope” I had to take care of myself and my thinking. I had to change the way my thoughts were tormenting me. I had to find people smarter than me to keep me straight. And so I did. Turns out everything turned out exactly the way it was supposed to. My life turned out to be better than I ever imagined. So will yours.
It’s Your Thinking That Needs To Change
The GG2GM coaching programs are powerful and personally challenging.
They are intensely focused on YOU and YOUR THINKING.
There are not for everyone. But they are perfect for the man willing to try something different…something strangely counter-intuitive.
If you’re ready for a powerful and intensely personal conversation about where you want to go, we’re ready. Get a comfy chair and a cup of coffee. This conversation is NOT a “taster session”.
More related articles for you:
Why Your Wife Won’t Touch You The Way You Want To Be TouchedWant To Be More Confident In Your Relationship?
Click this link to go to the Contact page on my site.
Fill out the unusually personal questions.
Be honest. Be thorough.
Let us show you something you didn’t expect.
That’s a promise.
P.S. Are you impatient? Are you done talking? Want to dive in asap.?
Then check out our private group coaching and online course opportunities. You can connect and dive into the tribe immediately…if you’re ready. They will blow your mind.
The Goodguys2Greatmen Men’s Roundtable Membership
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb Online Course
Q: What does it really mean when my wife says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”?
A: It means her emotional connection has collapsed under years of resentment, pressure, or disconnection. It doesn’t mean she hates you or that all hope is gone. It means you’re at a crossroads: react from fear and make things worse… or respond with clarity, calm, and confidence.
Q: Is there still hope for my marriage if she says she’s not in love with me anymore?
A: Yes—but not the old kind of hope where you pray she magically comes back. That hope keeps you powerless. You want wise hope: a calm, grounded belief that whatever happens is leading you to growth, strength, and clarity. Wise hope puts the power back in your hands.
Q: What should I do right now instead of panicking or begging her to stay?
A: Stop trying to control her feelings. You never could. The only path forward is strengthening your mindset and responding better to your circumstances. Calm your thoughts, breathe, drop the frantic fixing, and get steady. Confidence—not fear—is what shifts the dynamic.
Q: Why does it hurt so much when she pulls away or talks about falling out of love?
A: Because you’re attaching your emotional safety to one outcome: her choosing you again. That attachment creates panic, desperation, and hopelessness. When you let go of needing a specific outcome and focus on your stability, that pain softens and your clarity returns.
Q: How do I stay strong when I feel betrayed, hopeless, or terrified of the future?
A: You shift your mindset. You stop letting fear dictate your thoughts. You remind yourself: “I’m okay, and I’m going to be okay.” You surround yourself with men who’ve walked this path, men who keep you grounded instead of spiraling. You stop hoping she changes and start changing you.
Q: What’s the first step to rebuilding confidence when my marriage feels out of control?
A: Get help thinking clearly. Your suffering is coming from your thinking, not the situation. When you talk with men who’ve been through this—men who know how to guide you out of panic and into clarity—you stop fighting reality and start responding like the man you’re capable of being.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
