I Need Space What Does She Mean?
Did your wife or girlfriend say, “I need space!”? How you understand and respond to this moment in your life and relationship is key to what happens next. Learning how to respond from your strong masculine energy of self confidence will help you feel more calm and also provide some essential leadership for the relationship to evolve and grow through this difficult moment.
“I need space” is also disguised as:
- I don’t feel connected to you
- I’m not sexually attracted to you
- I feel smothered
- I don’t know who I am anymore
- I need to take care of me
- I think we need a break and…
- I love you…but I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore
“I Need Space” Broke Down In Very Simple Terms
It needs to be simple because the intensity of your emotions when you hear these things can rattle you to the core. It puts your brain into overdrive which creates immediate OVERWHELM in your central nervous system.
I saw a quote recently.
The quote said:
“I need some space away from you so I could love myself more, and so that I could love you even better.”
We would love to believe that the quote is a simple explanation. “Give me space so I can love me so I can love you better.”
Sometimes it is! But most times it’s much more complicated than that.
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Some people believe if anyone ever uses the phrase, “I need space” it means they are already cheating and sleeping with someone else.
Sometimes it does. But most times it’s much more complicated than that too.
A Peek Into Your Wife’s Brain:
Do you want to know what “more complicated” might sound like inside the head and heart of your wife when she says, “I need space!”?
It sounds more like this.
(Read this as fast and frantically as you can to get the real gist of it.)
“I feel like I’m about to explode because I feel so much anxiety in my body and my thoughts are all over the place and I can’t focus and I feel like I’ll never figure out who I am because I’ve never felt good enough and everyone seems so disappointed in me and I just can’t relax because I feel like everyone needs me to take care of them…and all my sweaters are snagged…and I feel like I can’t exhale because of the weight of being a mother, wife, caretaker and employee sits on my chest 24/7 and I’m not sleeping because my body aches and that pisses me off!…and YOU don’t seem to understand ANY of this and if you do, well, it seems you don’t really have any compassion because you’re so concerned about how MY feelings are making you feel and all I feel from you is disappointment and a 24/7 pressure to FIX ME so you can finally feel better but I just want you to back away and love me how I am right now and be a partner who quietly gets me, accepts me and helps me…and…and…I don’t know anymore…you don’t care anyway.”
Yeah. I know. Complicated.
What the hell are you supposed to do about THAT?!
In this video, I answer that question
Does “I need space!” Mean She’s Sleeping Around??
Here’s the most important thing to know about her – or ANYONE – wanting space.
She Said “I Need Space”… What Does That Mean About You?
This isn’t something she is doing TO YOU. She is doing it FOR HERSELF.
I know. It feels intensely personal. It feels threatening.
Your world as you know it is being rocked.
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And everything you thought you knew about her, your marriage, yourself and your future is now officially in the UNDECIDED category.
And this UNCERTAINTY twists your guts into knots.
The twists in your guts are actually the intense discomfort of your loss of control.
And this discomfort is rooted in FEAR. Fear of the unknown. And fear that you just might actually be a horrible douche bag who totally screwed up his marriage and will end up as a lonely old man with a tattoo that says, “FAILURE” on your forehead.
Am I getting warm?
When she says “I need space” it reveals how you have been depending on her for your sense of well-being. The source of your discomfort is within your own fears. Men of incredible self-reliance are forged when they face their own discomforts.
Facing Your Own Discomforts
If you’re reading this and getting a little uncomfortable…or a LOT uncomfortable, then you are the man we want to help today.
My friend and colleague, Tim Wade, and I developed an intensely personal, extremely emotional and dead nuts, balls on accurate online coaching experience for you. We call it the:
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb online course.
If you have heard, “I need space”, or any variation of that phrase, you need this course and the tribe of over 300 men that comes with it.
It’s over 9 hours of detailed coaching and extra, “Not Suitable for Wife” bonus videos you must see.
Men say they watch these videos over and over again to just reduce their anxiety and to stop the hyperventilating energy of pestering her for answers every hour.
The course is unlike anything you will find scouring the internet.
And the 24/7 support group of men just like you is simply astounding in it’s value and camaraderie.
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We can help any man who is serious about looking deep inside of his nervous, hummingbird-like energy wanting to regain his peace and personal power.
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Q: Why did my wife say she “needs space” – what does it really mean?
A: When she says “I need space,” it’s usually not something she’s doing to you, it’s something she’s doing for herself. Her nervous system is overwhelmed. She feels pressure, expectations, anxiety and confusion about who she is. Your job is to hear the storm, not try to instantly fix it.
Q: Does “I need space” always mean my wife is cheating or already with someone else?
A: No. Sometimes “I need space” hides an emotional affair or another man. But most times it’s more complicated. She’s drowning in anxiety, responsibility and not feeling good enough. If you assume she’s cheating, you react from fear, not from the calm, masculine self-confidence that actually helps you see the truth.
Q: How should I respond when my wife says “I need space” without acting needy?
A: First, stop chasing answers every hour. That “nervous, hummingbird-like energy” makes you feel like a failure and pushes her further away. Breathe. Acknowledge her need for space. Then quietly focus on your own grounded masculine energy of self-confidence, instead of begging, fixing, or trying to control what happens next.
Q: What to do when “I need space” throws me into panic and fear of losing my marriage?
A: That gut-twisting panic is your fear of the unknown and loss of control. Notice how quickly your brain creates stories like “I ruined everything” or “I’ll be alone forever.” This is your work. Men of incredible self-reliance are forged when they face their own discomforts instead of running from them.
Q: How do I stop depending on her for my sense of well-being when she needs space?
A: See how her words “I need space” exposed your dependence on her mood, attention and approval. Start building a life where your peace doesn’t live in her reactions. Invest in your body, your purpose, your friendships, and solid coaching support so your self-respect isn’t on her emotional rollercoaster.
Q: What to do when I feel like an anxious “hummingbird” around her and can’t relax?
A: That buzzing, can’t-sit-still energy is insecurity. You’re checking her face to see if you’re okay as a man. Flip it. Instead of, “Do you still love me?” ask, “Who do I want to be right now?” Slow down, breathe, stand tall, and speak fewer, calmer words from a steady place.
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