How to Stop “We-ing” and “Should-ing” on Your Wife
Decades ago when I was in corporate America I attended a leadership training class.
The instructor opened with a joke.
“Studies have shown that the least liked and least effective leaders use these two words too often…WE and SHOULD“.
As in, “We are a team!” and “We are winners!” and “We are the best at what we do!”
And, “You should always been continuously improving.” and “You should align your personal mission with our vision.”…and so on.
The survey concluded, “Employees hate it when managers WE on them and SHOULD on them.”
That’s what this video is all about.
Except I’m replacing the word “employee” with your “wife/girlfriend”.
Enjoy this 4-minutes of me telling you how you “could” think and respond differently. Yeah, I’m gonna “should on you” for just a bit…with love.
How much have you been We-ing and Should-ing on her?
If you’re like most of us, you are used to getting to the bottom of things quickly.
You troubleshoot, analyze, fiddle and figure out anything or anything that is getting in your way. (That’s me too)
And when your wife/girlfriend presents you with a “problem”, you may then see HER as a problem and HER behavior as something needing fixing immediately.
After all these years, I can tell you that grasping for logical solutions and demanding rational explanations will plant you firmly on her AVOID AT ALL COSTS list.
You might say…and you will…“Well, shouldn’t I expect her to have some level of common decency…recognized normalcy…and a level of respect that ANYONE should give at a time like this??!!”
Yeah…did you just hear yourself? If that’s something you’ve been thinking or saying out loud, I’m thinking it’s time you talked with someone.
There’s a better way. And you will feel calmer, less offended, more confident and clear headed than ever. You might even grin.
If you’re not currently showing up – consistently – with a strong sense of confidence, happiness and an occasional grin, you’ve got some work to do.
This is the work men do only with other men. I’ve committed my life to it and to you.
If you’re ready to step into your manly mojo again then below are some options for you to change right away…
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
Q: Why does my wife shut down or get defensive when I try to “fix” things?
A: Because you’re WE-ing and SHOULD-ing on her. You’re treating her feelings like a problem to solve instead of an experience to understand. The moment you start troubleshooting her emotions, she feels unseen and unsafe. What she really needs is your calm curiosity—not your logic.
Q: What does it mean to “WE” and “SHOULD” on someone in a relationship?
A: It’s when you lecture, correct, or moralize instead of connecting. “We need to talk,” or “You should calm down,” sounds like control, not leadership. It pushes her away and makes you look defensive. Real strength shows up as calm presence, not constant correction.
Q: How can I stop trying to fix my wife and start leading with confidence?
A: Slow down and listen. When she’s upset, don’t reach for explanations—reach for empathy. Stand there, breathe, and let her storm without taking it personally. You’ll feel calmer, more grounded, and far more attractive when you stop needing everything to make sense.
Q: Why do I get so frustrated when she doesn’t act the way she “should”?
A: Because your ego wants logic and fairness, not emotion and nuance. But relationships aren’t about fairness—they’re about connection. The moment you let go of needing her to “make sense,” you step into true masculine composure. That’s where your peace—and hers—begins.
Q: What’s the first step to stop WE-ing and SHOULD-ing on my partner?
A: Notice when you’re doing it. If you hear yourself saying “You should…” or “We need to…,” pause. Smile. Replace it with curiosity: “Tell me what’s really going on for you.” This shift alone will make her feel safe—and you’ll feel powerful, not reactive.
Q: How can I rebuild my calm confidence when everything feels tense?
A: You practice it with other men who’ve already done the work. Join our Roundtable or book a coaching call. Learning how to stay composed, humorous, and self-assured under pressure isn’t theory—it’s training. Once you master that, even her hardest moments won’t rattle you.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
