How To Stop Feeling Taken Advantage Of
This quotation has been following me around for years. It haunts me every now and then with its stark truth and implied personal challenge.
Only two things change your life: either something new comes into your life, or something new comes out of you.
~ Brendan Burchard
The part that gets me is the implied threat that if I don’t figure out something new to come out of me then I’ll just be sitting around waiting for stuff to happen to me.
I will remain a victim of my circumstances and a puppet for the priorities of others.
I don’t know about you but that makes me feel really agitated.
I spent much of the first half of my life reacting to surprises coming my way. I would gladly accept the good things that fell into my lap and begrudgingly tolerate the bad things I didn’t like.
When it comes to the quality of our romantic relationships we often make the same mistakes.
We treat good days as pleasant surprises.
And we treat bad days as unpleasant inevitabilities.
When we operate this way we feel a total lack of influence over our relationship experience. Our feelings of connection, intimacy and confidence are fleeting and unpredictable.
And THAT is what keeps a man on edge. Grouchy. Irritated.
He feels alone and powerless because he is waiting for something new to come into his relationship while nothing new is coming out of him.
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
~ Abraham Lincoln
Abe Lincoln’s quote above speaks to the common problem with the pursuit of happiness.
It’s not a “pursuit” after all. It’s a DECISION.
And most people’s unhappiness in life and in their relationships comes from bad habits and bad choices.
In other words, I believe happiness in life and relationships is a LIFESTYLE.
And with consistency in our lifestyle of habits and choices come the results.
Unhappiness is caused by the mistake of getting the order wrong.
If we’re looking for connection, intimacy and confidence to come from somewhere OUTSIDE of us, unhappiness is the very predictable and consistent result.
I talk more about this cold, hard truth in this video.
Is it Really That Simple?
In theory, yes.
In practice, no.
Why?
Because every man is capable of an INTELLECTUAL understanding of everything I just said.
But, the real work and the real journey require you to adopt a deep emotional and spiritual connection to this truth.
And when a man does THAT…and he makes the commitment to consistently developing better habits and better choices he sees results very quickly.
The hard part comes in 3 key areas.
1. You must declare and own your new habits and choices with clarity and without apology.
2. You must be accountable and consistent.
3. You must have other initiated men to support and encourage you every day.
I’ve found it’s virtually impossible to succeed at those 3 things on your own. You will get fuzzy headed, wishy-washy, inconsistent and unfocused. Then you’ll slide back into the bad habits and choices that created your current reality.
That’s what happened to me and other men tell me it has happened to them multiple times too.
This is why we’ve created many options to help you succeed in this.
And after many years of working with many men I can promise you one thing…
This sh*t works.
Stop waiting for your circumstances to change and start with taking one action for you today…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why does my relationship feel stuck even though I’m trying?
A: Because you’re waiting for something new to happen instead of bringing something new out of yourself. Most men wait for their partner, mood, or luck to change. Real movement begins when you lead with new habits, new energy, and a new standard for how you show up.
Q: How do I stop feeling powerless in my marriage?
A: Powerlessness is what happens when you let your mood depend on her behavior. You can’t control her—but you can control your clarity, consistency, and calm. A man becomes powerful when he stops waiting for permission and starts living by his own values every day.
Q: Why do good days in my marriage feel like luck?
A: Because you’re reacting, not leading. If you only feel good when things go well, you’re living in emotional dependency. Strong men create their own stability—they decide who they want to be, no matter what’s happening around them. That’s what women feel safe trusting.
Q: What does it mean to bring something “new” out of me?
A: It means choosing growth instead of waiting for rescue. Something new out of you might be courage, honesty, vulnerability, or consistency—habits that make your relationship feel alive again. When you shift internally, your external world can’t help but follow.
Q: How do I become happier without depending on anyone else?
A: Happiness isn’t found—it’s practiced. It’s a lifestyle of gratitude, purpose, and emotional discipline. Start by managing your thinking, not your circumstances. Every time you choose calm over chaos or truth over fear, you strengthen the muscles that create long-term peace and confidence.
Q: Why do most men struggle to stay consistent with change?
A: Because they try to do it alone. You’ll get fuzzy, distracted, and discouraged without accountability. Growth happens faster inside a circle of strong, like-minded men who challenge and remind you who you really are. Brotherhood turns temporary motivation into lasting transformation.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
My Wife Just Said She’s Not Happy in Our Marriage – Help!How Can I Save My Marriage? and Why it’s the Wrong Question to Ask
Wanting Her Vs Needing Her (& Why It’s Important To Know The Difference)
Wife Hates Me Talking About My Feelings
How To Make Your Wife Feel Safe To Be Intimate Again
