How To Restore Intimacy In Your Marriage
“Say what you mean…but don’t say it mean”
~ Tony Gaskins
I like that quote because it gets to the heart of this newsletter.
If you want to be an effective man, father and husband there are some very basic values you’ll need.
Deciding that you’re a man who can have serious conversations without resorting to meanness is an example of a VALUE. It’s a guiding MOP (Masculine Operating Principle)
It might sound something like this..
I am a man who treats people with respect and courtesy.
You might even add “even when they don’t appear to deserve it”.
This is very clear. With that value, you’re being very deliberate about the kind of man you are and the kind of masculinity you put out into the world, no matter how the world is trying to trip you up.
Most guys who complain about lack of connection, intimacy and respect in their marriage are battling a serious condition I’ll call LOW VALUES SYNDROME.
This simply means they don’t have a CLEAR view of who they are, what they believe and what MOP’s guide their everyday interactions.
In this video I want to tell you about the THREE crucial values I think every man needs if he wants to create more connection, intimacy and respect.
I’ll also give specific tips in this video to know when you’re straying out of your lane and how to course correct.
The 3 Crucial Masculine Values
1. I don’t argue about stupid stuff.
2. I don’t defend myself when I don’t need to.
3. I own my emotions and I’m 100% accountable for my actions.
I think these are the most common areas where most of us get stuck.
When we don’t have a CLEARLY WORDED PRINCIPLE around each of these we end up stuck in situations that suck the life out of us.
We wonder why we don’t have more connection with our woman…why she doesn’t want to be intimate…and why we feel so shitty about ourselves.
The reason?
It’s because we don’t know how to steer our own boat. We’re constantly getting blown off course and finding ourselves in arguments and situations that could have been totally avoided.
You need better radar to see that stuff coming and the only way to have that awareness is to make a stand for what you stand for!
This stuff can feel a little overwhelming. It wasn’t until I turned 50 that I even started thinking about the importance of having non-negotiable values for myself and for the life I want to lead.
It was probably the most important and most liberating thing I’ve done. And now I get to talk about this stuff on a daily basis with great men all over the world.
The only thing missing now…is you.
Want to join us? We’d love that too.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: How can I talk to my wife without arguments turning mean?
A: Lead with values, not emotions. When you say what you mean—but not mean—you stay grounded in respect. Calm truth spoken with clarity builds trust. Meanness comes from insecurity. Strength comes from knowing who you are and refusing to be triggered by chaos.
Q: What are the most important values for a strong, grounded man?
A: Three stand out: Don’t argue about stupid stuff. Don’t defend yourself unnecessarily. Own your emotions and your actions. These values are your masculine operating system. Live them daily, and you’ll notice your woman feels safer, more attracted, and more connected to you.
Q: Why do I lose control in conversations with my wife?
A: Because you don’t have internal rules guiding your behavior. Without clear masculine values, you drift with every emotional wave. Decide now: “I am a man who treats people with respect—even when they don’t deserve it.” That decision alone changes how you respond to conflict.
Q: What does ‘low values syndrome’ mean in a marriage?
A: It means you’ve forgotten who you are. You’re reacting instead of leading. You don’t need a perfect plan—you need personal principles. Values are your compass. Once you rebuild them, you stop being tossed around by moods and start creating connection and peace again.
Q: How do clear masculine values improve intimacy?
A: Because women relax around a man who knows himself. When you stop arguing, stop defending, and take full ownership, she feels safe. Safety leads to trust. Trust leads to desire. Masculine clarity is the most reliable aphrodisiac there is.
Q: Why do I keep ending up in pointless arguments?
A: Because you’re steering without a compass. Arguments pull you into emotional storms where ego replaces leadership. A man with clear values sees conflict coming, stays calm, and redirects the energy. The goal isn’t to win—it’s to remain the man you’ve decided to be.
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