How To Recover Your Failing Marriage
I know how it feels to want to recover your failing marriage, I recognise the all-encompassing anxiety and fear that knots up your stomach and affects your ability to concentrate on anything else.
And I’m here to help show you the path forward for your marriage and for every other area of your life too.
In times of crisis (viral and relational) we go into overdrive gathering all the information we can get our hands on, looking for the final clue that will help us know the right thing to do.
Knowledge is power.
Articles, videos, podcasts, books, ebooks, email newsletters, you name it, we seek it out and consume it.
But we’re often still unsure what to DO with all this new found knowledge.
We get the concepts but we lack the real life experience to be able to use this information as a tool to change our lives and relationships.
You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.
What you need is not more knowledge. Yes knowledge is useful but it’s pretty ineffective in changing your life and relationship unless you use it with another tool…
The tool of action
Without action all that knowledge sits in your system and causes more frustration and more questions. More focus on what you’re unhappy with which creates even more pressure and tension on you.
And all that pressure and tension makes you a jittery, reactive ball of anxiety.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Handling Your Wife’s Emotions With ConfidenceHow Can A Broken Marriage Be Repaired?
So then the people you care about most, see and feel that tension oozing out of you and they can’t help but react to it – because it makes them feel tense too!
I talk about this more in the video below.
“Knowledge is NOT power! Knowledge is the POTENTIAL of power. True power – power to change your life, your circumstances, your marriage, and your reality – comes through action. It’s that simple.” ~ Nate Bagley
Whether we’re talking about your work colleagues, your friends or your wife, we ALWAYS have an agenda, something that we WANT. Most of the time we’re not aware of what we want, although it often sounds like “I want to be happy” or “I want to be loved” or “I want to know how she feels.”
If there’s one thing “I want” you to get from this article and video, it’s that you can use your want to CHASE love and connection or you can use it to CREATE and GIVE love, connection, happiness, joy, affection…anything you want to experience.
You get to decide how you proceed. You get to choose the actions you take.
One thing I guarantee is that the feeling of connection and love you want (and the settling and calming affect it has on your body) is more consistently available to you when you choose to create it in your life instead of chasing it or expecting others to want to give it to you (most people are waiting and wanting someone to provide it to them).
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” – Mark Manson.
What does that mean in relation to taking action in your life and relationship?
When you place your ability to feel good about yourself or your relationship on an outcome that someone else is in control of, you paralyse your ability to create good feelings in yourself (and in others).
So when we’re talking about action versus knowledge, the ability you have to change your life is ONLY through the action you take.
What stops us from taking action?
Fear.
Plain and simple.
We’re incredibly good at analyzing situations to come up with 100 reasons why we shouldn’t do something and ultimately what we’re trying to do is avoid any pain and suffering.
But what if, other than physically being attacked, the only way you can feel pain and suffering is by creating it yourself?
Your ability to feel better is so much simpler than you THINK it is.
The pain and suffering you feel is created by the interpretation you give to your situation. And I’m not talking about the interpretation of what other people are doing or not doing.
It’s the way you choose to interpret what your situation MEANS ABOUT YOU, about how you see yourself and your ability to change your circumstances.
You ALWAYS have a choice.
A choice to stop trying to control things outside your control.
A choice to face fear and be more deliberate in creating what you want.
A choice to let go of the need for someone else to make the first move.
A choice to make time to do something that relaxes and fulfils you.
A choice to approach your situation with positive regard and positive intent (one of the most powerful choices you can make).
A choice to make a decision, no matter how small, that moves you out from the paralysed state of over stimulated knowledge gatherer and into a future where you are actively involved in creating what you want instead of passively hoping to find the “perfect answer” to your problems.
The best place for you to learn how to take action even in the face of difficult, scary circumstances is with a group of men who’ve been exactly where you are and taken this path before you.
Steve and I invite you to join our community and experience what it’s like when other initiated men support you through some of the most important decisions of your life.
Do you take up the challenge to stop gathering knowledge and start taking action, to finally start making the changes that you want happen in your life and marriage happen?
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to build your decision making confidence to the point where you don’t back away from taking action.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our Mastering Connection With Women course starts again in May lead by Dan and Alexis – Receive live feedback on your energy and confidence. Find out what you need to do to own your sexuality and masculinity. Navigate tests and create more connection and intimacy with ease.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage
Q: Why am I consuming tons of marriage advice but still seeing no change?
A: Because knowledge alone can’t fix your marriage. Knowledge is potential power — not actual power. Until you take action, all that information just turns into more anxiety, more overthinking, and more pressure. You don’t need more concepts… you need courage in motion.
Q: How do I stop feeling paralysed by fear and finally take action in my marriage?
A: Start with one small decision today. Fear only grows when you wait for the “perfect answer.” Action shrinks fear. The moment you choose movement — a decision, a conversation, a boundary, an act of self-care — your nervous system calms, your clarity improves, and your power returns.
Q: What does it actually mean to “create love” instead of chasing it?
A: Creating love means showing up grounded, generous, calm, and intentional before anyone else does. Chasing love means needing someone else’s behaviour to feel okay. One makes you magnetic. The other makes you anxious. When you create it, connection stops being dependent on her mood.
Q: How do I stop interpreting everything through fear, rejection, or worst-case scenarios?
A: By realising the pain isn’t coming from your situation — it’s coming from the meaning you attach to it. You can change your internal interpretation instantly. Shift from “this means I’m failing” to “this is a moment to lead.” That mindset change alone can dissolve 80% of your suffering.
Q: What’s the fastest way to feel less anxious and more in control of my relationship?
A: Take ownership of your emotional state. Stop trying to control her reaction or the outcome. Choose an action today that aligns with your values — not your fears. Confidence doesn’t come from guarantees… it comes from choosing who you want to be in the moment you’re in.
Q: How do I avoid falling into the trap of endlessly researching without ever doing anything?
A: Set a rule: For every hour of learning, you take 10 minutes of action. Knowledge is meant to fuel behaviour, not avoid it. The transformation you want starts the moment you stop collecting ideas and start embodying one of them.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
