How To Recover From Relationship Trauma And Pain
Some men know this nightmare all too well.
This is when my life changed in an instant.
It was the shocking realization that everything I thought was true about myself, my wife and my marriage was wrong.
It was the paralyzing reality that I had absolutely no control in stopping the avalanche of fear, rejection and uncertainty that was about to wipe me off the face of the planet.
Do you know this feeling?
It sounds like:
I’m done. I’m just numb.
We’ve never had a connection.
I just need space and I don’t know if I’ll ever want to be with you again.
I’m just not romantically attracted to you anymore.
I think we need to separate/divorce and see where this goes.
It feels like a black pillow case is thrust over your head as you’re thrown into a windowless van. Then you’re taken for a bumpy ride to an unknown destination as your captors beat you around the head and shoulders. You have no idea when or IF it will ever end.
And the burning knot in your stomach is relentless.
The weird thing about men is that we usually wait for this type of emotional “attack” before we start asking for support.
And when this kind of pain kicks in we are desperate for any help, advice or secret trick that will fix everything.
This will be your turning point if you make the right decision.
You’ll never be more happy, you’ll never feel more powerful, you’ll never feel more generous in your ability to connect with and love other people, than when you find joy inside yourself.
This is called self-reliance.
This is called independence.
This is called outcome independence.
This is knowing that you can live each day not needing to control everything.
Only controlling the things inside yourself.
Controlling your responses to the things that happen to you.
So when I get on my crusade for self-reliance, it’s not about detaching, it’s not becoming a lone wolf and becoming so independent from the world that you don’t need anybody, it’s not the ‘screw them’ attitude.
That’s not it at all.
Self-reliance and outcome independence is the mindset of a man who’s figuring out that he already has all the joy and happiness within him that he’ll ever need to love himself. He knows that he can control how he responds to create the circumstances in his life that he wants to experience.
So when you’re in the trauma of a relationship that’s going south or with a woman who’s pulling away from you or a pending divorce or separation, what I want you to know most is that you can thrive through this by controlling how you respond.
If you use this as the one trigger point in your life that says “You know what…I’ve had this wrong for the last few decades. I’ve been allowing people to strip me of my confidence, my own sense of self, my own values, my sense of worthiness…and I’m going to take my power back”.
The result of this decision is that when you take your power back, when you become truly self-reliant and truly outcome independent, that’s when you can finally relate to others from a place of generosity, from a place of abundance.
You’re not looking to other people to make you whole.
You don’t have conditional friendships and conditional love and conditional sex.
When you’re whole inside, you give wholly of yourself and you don’t have fear of anyone stripping away your security and your certainty, because you’re full of it – you’re overfilling your own bucket of love and certainty and so you can give it generously to others.
Even in the middle of a divorce or in the middle of the trauma of finding out that your life may be changing forever…I want you to know that this is the trigger point, this is the turning point in your life to where you can actually decide to do something different. To start thinking differently.
This is what I do. This is what I want to do for you.
I want to introduce you to a way of thinking. I want to introduce you to some men who’ve gotten through this. I want to introduce you to some authors and thinkers that will blow your mind. I want to show you how you can use this as the launching pad for a whole new life.
You are a man with many options.
You can regain more power, more confidence and more mojo than you know.
But no amount of begging or bargaining with her is going to get you that.
It takes a radically different approach and an empowering fresh perspective to emerge from this period in your life with your head held high and a grin on your face.
I needed a powerful, initiated group of men to teach me this. And just so I never forget the lessons, I’ve created a whole community of men who have successfully fought this battle. We’re brothers for life, a little scarred up…but grinning wide through our bloody lips.
It might seem like impossibility. But it’s not – especially if you’ve got someone in your corner to help you every step of the way.
I want you to feel like a strong, calm, confident and clear-headed man.
I want you to relax in situations that make normal men crazy.
I want you to grin with the knowledge you’re being who you want to be and you’re creating the life and love you want.
Why?
Because I spent decades not feeling that way and I now know there’s a way to get to the other side.
If you want to learn how to become a whole man who has an abundance of happiness to give, then below are some options for you to change right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why does it feel like my entire world collapses when my wife says she wants space or a divorce?
A: Because your sense of safety was tied to her approval. When that’s threatened, your nervous system panics. It’s not weakness—it’s conditioning. The real turning point comes when you realize that the stability you’ve been seeking from her actually lives inside you. That’s where self-reliance begins.
Q: What does “self-reliance” or “outcome independence” really mean?
A: It’s not detachment or pretending you don’t care. It’s emotional freedom—the ability to stay calm, confident, and clear no matter what happens outside of you. It’s knowing you can face pain, loss, or uncertainty without losing your center. That’s true masculine power.
Q: How can I stop obsessing over her decisions and take my power back?
A: Start by recognizing that your emotions are reactions to your thoughts, not her actions. When you shift your thinking from “I’m losing everything” to “I’m learning how to lead myself,” your energy changes instantly. Control your responses, not her reactions—that’s where your power lives.
Q: What’s the difference between loving self-reliance and being a cold lone wolf?
A: Self-reliant men are full, not closed. They’ve stopped needing others to validate them, which allows them to love more generously. Lone wolves isolate out of fear. Self-reliant men connect out of abundance—they give freely because their own bucket is already full.
Q: How can I possibly thrive while going through this kind of heartbreak?
A: By using this pain as your catalyst for growth. Every great man’s story has a chapter where everything fell apart—until he realized it was his initiation. This is your moment to rebuild from strength, not survival. You’re not losing yourself—you’re finally meeting yourself.
Q: Where do I start if I want to rebuild my confidence and peace of mind?
A: Surround yourself with men who’ve been through it. Learn how to stop letting fear and insecurity run the show. The Good Guys 2 Great Men community was built for this exact moment. You’ll gain clarity, emotional strength, and the grounded confidence that makes everything else possible.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
