How To Know If Your Marriage Is Saveable
This is one of the most talked about issues in our community.
Men are always asking, “Why can’t I let go?!” and “Why am I so afraid to detach from her?!”
In the video below I explain the two main reasons are:
1. They are not yet clear why and how their marriage got to be so unhappy and they’re afraid to admit it and face it.
2. They are not yet clear on what lies beyond this unhappy marriage if they let go. They have no “new story” about what’s to come.
Watch this first and then I’ll continue.
When I use the term “let go” I am referring to letting go of everything that has created what you’ve got up to this point.
Every single man must go through a phase of life where he makes mistakes.
We don’t know what we don’t know and we keep using the same tactics we learned when we were 13.
These are our bad habits of defending, intimidating, criticizing and stonewalling. We spend years in marriage trying to get our needs met via negotiation, sacrifice and compromise only to find out those are useless tactics for getting what we really want.
How does a man get what he really wants?
1. He becomes crystal clear about what he believes in and what his expectations of himself are.
2. He becomes unapologetic about what he expects FOR the life and relationship he wants to experience.
3. He chooses to live DAILY in the skin of a confident man who knows his values. From here he is able to GIVE the things he used to only try to GET.
4. He learns to MASTER his emotional world and stop reacting to everything as a victim.
5. He learns to use his own thoughts to take on a whole new perspective which gives him the clarity to CREATE new circumstances for himself.
It is in those 5 steps that help you create dramatically new habits and new responses to the old version of your marriage.
And it’s these new responses that allow you to create a new story about what lies beyond this shitty marriage.
There’s a phrase we often use in my community and that’s “Take it to the men!” Most guys know what that means but the problem is they don’t have ANY men to take things to.
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What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
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- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why can’t I let go of my wife even though the marriage feels over?
A: Because you’re still clinging to the version of yourself that built this marriage. Letting go isn’t about walking away—it’s about shedding old habits of fear, defensiveness, and control. You’ll stop holding on so tightly the moment you start becoming the man you actually want to be.
Q: Why is detaching from her so hard for men?
A: Detachment feels terrifying when you have no new story beyond her. Most men don’t fear losing their wife—they fear losing identity, direction, and security. When you reconnect to your values, purpose, and masculine clarity, detachment stops feeling like death and starts feeling like freedom.
Q: What does “letting go” really mean in a struggling marriage?
A: It means releasing the thoughts, tactics, and reactions that created your current reality. Stop trying to negotiate love. Stop trying to fix or prove yourself. Letting go is choosing calm leadership over emotional survival—and that’s when things begin to shift.
Q: How can I rebuild my confidence after years of walking on eggshells?
A: Confidence isn’t rebuilt—it’s remembered. Start by getting clear on what you believe, what you stand for, and how you want to show up daily. The more you align with your own integrity, the less you chase her reassurance. That’s when confidence becomes natural again.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake men make when their wife pulls away?
A: They panic and double down on control—talking more, fixing more, proving more. None of it works. The antidote is stillness. When you calm your mind, own your emotions, and stop reacting like a victim, you become the steady presence she can finally trust.
Q: Why do I need other men to “take it to the men”?
A: Because isolation is the enemy of clarity. Most men spin in confusion when they face this alone. You need solid, grounded brothers who can challenge your thinking, sharpen your resolve, and remind you who you are. Iron sharpens iron—especially when life tests your steel.
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How Do I Convince My Wife Not to Leave Our Marriage?
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