How To Keep The Spark Of Fun & Passion In Your Relationship
Have you ever had that “not so fresh” feeling?
I’m not referring to your hygiene. I’m talking about your overall mood, energy level and attitude.
I’m talking about those times when you feel almost numb or FLAT.
You’re neither high nor low.
You’re stuck between first gear and reverse.
The engine is running but you’re not going anywhere. And you’re concerned about that.
This can happen at any time – good times or bad.
I’m usually talking about a guy whose marriage is stuck in limbo and he’s anxious because things aren’t going anywhere. But it also happens to men who have started making improvements.
What should you do when this happens?
Let me make it easy for you.
Do nothing. That’s right. Don’t try to DO anything.
Think of it like the space between your heartbeats. It’s there for a reason. Your heart isn’t a constant pressure pump. There’s time between the “lub-dubs” for recovery.
For all you medical experts (big bro) just humor me. It’s a metaphor for Pete’s sake.
What if that space between your life’s high and low points is an engineered space meant to give you time to recover, rest, think, reset, learn and grow?
What if you actually don’t need to figure anything out or do anything or worry about crap?
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
~ English Proverb
I’ve discovered an uncomfortable truth about myself and most of the men I work with.
We are wired for REACTION. We seem to be programmed for detecting trouble.
Then we give it an identity (the “Problem”). Then we analyze it to death with amazing speed and intensity. And then we get on with FIXING it. And if people are involved, dammit, we will FIX THEM TOO!
Advanced Mojo Management Mastery
An author named Mark Manson has become famous for his book and course called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”. I highly recommend it. It’s not about apathy. And it’s not about detaching from life.
It’s a smart look at your unique mental capacity to CHOOSE what’s really important to you and what’s not. It’s about taking responsibility for choosing your response to problems and choosing a path of action that suits YOU.
My version of Advanced Mojo Management Mastery is similar. I teach men how to choose a response and a path that quickly builds clarity of values, strength of character and confident masculine presence.
However, I’ve learned we typically avoid learning this stuff until a MASSIVE problem (sexless marriage or divorce…) smacks us in the head and puts us in search of answers.
We’re stuck in this limbo land of uncertainty feeling flat, disconnected and bewildered.
Perfect! This is the space between the heart beats of your life.
You’re somewhere between the high of joyous certainty and the low of tumultuous uncertainty.
This is your calling. This is your time to reset – recalibrate – learn – and grow.
You don’t need to “fix” anything or anyone.
You just need to be a man who seizes this time to change yourself.
After all…
“The only way a change in your circumstances will occur is if something new comes into your life or something new comes out of you.”
~ B. Burchard
So here’s a video I made, where I give you a real life example of what I’m talking about:
Dan and I want to be your accountability partners in keeping YOUR passion and spark alive so that you can lead with it in your relationships.
And we’d like to introduce you to a whole load more wise and passionate men working on the same stuff with us…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I feel so flat and unmotivated lately, even when things aren’t that bad?
A: Because you’re in the space between heartbeats — that quiet reset period between life’s highs and lows. It’s not failure or depression; it’s your system asking for rest, reflection, and recalibration. Don’t fight it. Use it to reconnect with your values and rebuild clarity.
Q: What should I do when I feel stuck in my marriage or personal life?
A: Nothing — at least not yet. Men are wired to react and fix, but this is your time to breathe. Slow down, observe your thoughts, and let your next move come from calm, not panic. True masculine leadership starts with stillness, not strategy.
Q: Why do I always feel the need to fix problems right away?
A: Because most men confuse control with confidence. Fixing everything feels safer than sitting with discomfort. But reaction mode drains your masculine energy. Real power comes from choosing your response — not being driven by fear or impatience.
Q: How do I regain motivation when I feel disconnected or flat?
A: Stop trying to force excitement. Instead, focus on curiosity. Ask, “What is this quiet trying to teach me?” These in-between moments are opportunities to rebuild your emotional and spiritual foundation — the kind of strength that lasts long after the highs fade.
Q: What’s the difference between reacting and responding in relationships?
A: Reaction is emotional autopilot — quick, defensive, and fear-based. Response is deliberate, grounded, and values-driven. When you stop reacting to everything your wife says or does and start responding from clarity, your confidence and connection both deepen.
Q: How can I turn this ‘flat phase’ into growth instead of frustration?
A: Accept it as part of the masculine journey. Every man hits seasons of limbo — it’s the universe giving you room to reset. Use it to learn, rest, and rediscover your direction. When something new comes out of you, life starts moving again.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore, What Can I Do?What Kind Of Man Are You When Nobody Is Watching? (& Why It’s Important To Know)
Handle the Silent Treatment in a Way That Builds Trust and Connection
How to BE More Masculine and Create the Relationship You Want
What Caused Your Wife To Become Distant?
