How To Keep Attraction Alive In Your Marriage
I read something really funny the other day.
A man was asked, “What do you think the THREE most important aspects are in a good sex life?”
His answer?
1. The proper length/girth ratio
2. Being able to last a minimum of 30 minutes
3. Is there a number 3?
This is funny because it’s not far from the truth in how many of us have traditionally measured sexual success and prowess.
But in my humble opinion, it’s the wrong measure.
We do this a lot.
Like when it comes to measuring your MOJO.
I explain more in this video.
MOJO is an incredible cocktail of groundedness, mental clarity, emotional strength, calmness, confidence, self-respect and peace of mind.
And how have most of us traditionally measured MOJO?
With a “Femometer”.
This is a highly unpredictable gauge of feminine approval, respect, validation, trust and desire.
When you look at the “Femometer” for a measure of your MOJO you’ll notice the needle bounces around like a polygraph test.
And along with that needle, so goes your feeling of MOJO. It’s all over the place.
Don’t do that. Do this instead.
Create your own MOJOMETER. (noun: mo – JOM ‘ – eter)
The MOJOMETER is a highly accurate gauge calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. (My Cousin Vinny reference for my brother)
The MOJOMETER measures the health of your MINDSET, EATING HABITS, EXERCISE HABITS and SLEEP HABITS.
Do you see something they all have in common?
Yes, you have absolute and total control over these variables.
And the most important one of those four is MINDSET.
What thoughts are you choosing to think?
Who do you hang around to strengthen your mind?
What books are you reading?
What’s the miserable story in your head that’s creating the knot in your stomach?
This is the primary work we do with men in our coaching, our community of initiated men, our men’s retreats and our online courses.
We work on the fearful, angry, destructive thoughts that make men nuts. We look at the mythical stories we tell ourselves about what happiness, certainty and security really is.
We debunk the notion that our MOJO is measured by what people think of us or how our women are treating us.
We support each other in building a brand new perspective and a new thought process about self-respect, personal value and long-term happiness.
It’s your MINDSET that has the largest impact on your MOJOMETER.
Want to talk more about boosting your current MOJO level?
Below are some options for you to get started right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: What exactly is “masculine mojo”?
A: Mojo isn’t about how long you last or how charming you sound — it’s about grounded confidence. It’s your calm, steady energy that says, “I’m good with who I am.” Real mojo is built from mindset, not performance.
Q: Why do I lose confidence when my wife pulls away?
A: Because you’ve been measuring your worth with what I call the Femometer — her approval, affection, or attention. The truth? Your mojo should come from inside you. When you stop outsourcing your self-respect, you get your power back.
Q: What is a MOJOMETER, and how do I build one?
A: Your MOJOMETER tracks four things you actually control: mindset, eating, exercise, and sleep. When you tune those dials, your confidence rises automatically. No one else controls your calibration — it’s your inner gauge of calm, clarity, and strength.
Q: How does mindset affect confidence and attraction?
A: Everything starts in your head. The story you tell yourself — about your wife, your worth, your life — creates your mood, tone, and presence. Change your story, and your energy changes. Women feel that shift instantly.
Q: Why do smart men often struggle with relationships?
A: Because logic doesn’t create connection — energy does. You can’t reason your way into attraction. You have to live from grounded presence, emotional awareness, and humor. Your wife wants your heart, not your spreadsheet.
Q: How can I rebuild my mojo after losing it in my marriage?
A: Start small. Stop chasing validation and start choosing thoughts that make you feel strong. Get around men who challenge you, not coddle you. Confidence returns when you lead yourself — not when you wait for someone else to believe in you.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
How To Handle Valentine’s Day When You’re SeparatedMy Wife Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With Me, What Can I Do?
Wanting Her Vs Needing Her (& Why It’s Important To Know The Difference)
How To Make Your Wife Feel Safe To Be Intimate Again
How To Initiate Sex And Not Fear Rejection
