How To Go From Insecure To Confident Husband
Have you been called insecure, or had someone say you need to “man up” or “be more confident? In this article I teach you what I had to learn to transform my insecurities and become a confident husband and a confident man in every area of my life.
When I got started in the business of coaching men ten years ago I hired a pretty pricey coach.
I expressed to him my concerns, doubts and fears about my ability to actually do this for a living and quit my 30 year history of working for someone else.
I knew “who I was” in the world of management, project execution and corporate gamesmanship. I was actually pretty good at it. It was comfortable because it was so damn easy for me.
I told my coach about this nagging voice in my head asking me:
Who the hell are YOU to quit your comfy, regular job and start a business at age 50?!
I answered, “Good point! I must be nuts. Who would hire ME as a coach? And what do I know about being an entrepreneur? I have zero historical evidence that I could possibly succeed at helping other men live better lives AND make a business of it.”
When I told my coach this his only reply was, “Well, who the hell ARE you?”
And that was the beginning of a new conversation in my head.
Nobody ever asked me that before and really cared about my answer.
I Was Never Challenged To Clearly Define ME.
What do I believe? What do I stand for? What are my unique and inherent strengths? What scares me? What are my bad habits? What am I willing to do that nobody else will to do get what I want.
And most importantly, he kicked my ass to get very clear about the powerful story of what I want to create for my life before my brain turned to mush. (I thought a coach would be “nicer”, but he wasn’t my friend, he was there to challenge my thinking)
It was a long overdue ass-kicking. And the process of getting CLEAR wasn’t easy. I began to see my habit of avoiding things that aren’t easy.
But when I got clear…I mean really clear…the doubtful, fearful voices began to change.
And it wasn’t motivational poster crap like, “You’re so awesome!”
When I got clear about my true capacity to organize, initiate, follow though, create and connect with people I care about the new voices would say:
“Well, If Not YOU…Then WHO?”
Who was more ready, more qualified and more passionate than I was to become who I wanted to become? Nobody. That’s who.
If you’ve ever wondered what Goodguys2Greatmen does for men, it’s essentially just that.
We teach you how to change your thinking so you can finally carry yourself as the creator, master and commander of your own life…no matter what is happening around you.
In other words, YOU happen to life. Not the other way around.
Other articles you may find helpful:
Handle the Silent Treatment in a Way That Builds Trust and ConnectionIs This the Reason That Your Wife Is Acting Distant?
I got a new dog yesterday and invented a reason to put him in this video. I occurred to me that “Jace” does not know who the hell he is yet.
How to BE a More Confident Man (It Starts With This)
A Confident Husband Clearly Knows Who He Is
You may wonder why this “knowing who you are” thing is so important when we talk about women, marriage, love and sex.
It’s important because it’s the entire lack of clarity about who you are that is at the root of virtually all conflict, all arguments and all stupid, over-the-top reactions.
If you only see yourself as the dependable providing husband and dedicated father, you’re in for some trouble. Most men have a very narrow view of their role and narrow expectations for themselves.
When we’re unclear, we:
- Argue about anything
- Take everything personally
- Get needy and jealous
- Can’t even stand ourselves
So, let’s talk about getting clear.
Here’s what I want you to consider giving yourself.
It’s the gift of clarity, confidence and reinvigorated mojo.
More related articles for you:
Kick-Start The Passion in Your Sexless MarriageIs This Sabotaging Your Sex Life (It Was For Me)
Many husbands make the mistake of needing their wife to get clear. He wants her to get clear about her feelings for him, clear about if she wants to stay in the marriage, clear about her emotions. She’s feminine. She’s supposed to be in constant change. A passive man changes into a confident husband when he gets off her roller-coaster and gets razor sharp, crystal clear, direct and certain about who he is and where he’s going.
Do you want to talk immediately to a professional coach who can kick your ass in a really great way? Then go HERE.
Do you want to learn in private and be coached via video and connect with a private group of men facing similar marriage struggles 24/7? Then you will want our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb
Or do you want the experience of connecting with the men of the GG2GM Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where you will meet live three times monthly and get 24/7 private Facebook support?
The funny thing about getting clear about who you are and what you want is that you NOW know what it is you must DO.
Inspired action is what changes everything.
Q: Why do people keep calling me insecure, and how do I actually become more confident?
A: Insecurity is simply the absence of clarity. Confidence isn’t about acting tough—it’s about knowing who you are, what you stand for, and where you’re going. When you define yourself clearly, the insecure behaviors—defensiveness, jealousy, overreacting—fade because you stop relying on anyone else to confirm your worth.
Q: How do I figure out “who I am” when I’ve spent years just being a husband, a dad, or a provider?
A: You slow down and ask the questions you’ve been avoiding: What do I believe? What do I value? What strengths do I have? What do I want to create in my life? Most men never explore these because they’re too busy doing. But confidence begins when you switch from automatic living to intentional living.
Q: Why does not knowing who I am create conflict and insecurity in my marriage?
A: Because when your identity is unclear, everything feels like a threat. You take things personally, argue over nothing, and look to your wife to make you feel okay. That emotional dependency kills attraction. A confident husband knows himself deeply—so he responds instead of reacting, leads instead of clinging.
Q: What does it mean to “get off her emotional roller coaster” and become a confident husband?
A: It means you stop needing your wife to be stable so you can feel stable. The feminine is fluid—she changes. Your job is to be the grounded, clear, directed masculine in the room. When you stop riding her ups and downs, you become emotionally safe and magnetically attractive.
Q: How do I stop depending on my wife’s clarity before I can feel secure or hopeful?
A: You build clarity inside your own mind. Her feelings may shift daily, but your vision, values, and direction must remain solid. A man who waits for his wife to become clear becomes passive. A man who becomes clear himself becomes confident—and his energy changes the entire relationship.
Q: What’s the first step to becoming a more confident man in every area of my life?
A: Begin by telling the truth about what you want—your legacy, your goals, your growth. When you define the story you want to create, you unlock inspired action. That’s the spark. Confidence is born when you stop reacting to life and start creating it on purpose.
Author 
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