How to BE More Masculine and Create the Relationship You Want
Has this kind of mind boggling conversation ever happened to you?
“Hey, I’ve got a question.”
“What is it?”
“The other day I was driving down that road behind the lake and HUGE mountain lion ran right in front of me! He was beautiful, but scary, because he stopped on the side of the road and looked me right in the eye. Gave me chills. I read that a mountain lion’s top speed is like 40-50 mph. And a horse is like 25-30 mph. It’s amazing we don’t hear more about horse attacks. Anyway, when I was driving I hit a patch of horrible washboards. I don’t know why they can’t maintain that road better. It’s like they fix it one day and the next day it’s horrible again. It makes you wonder why people pay taxes. Anyway, what was I saying?”
“You said you had a question.”
“Oh yeah. The front end on my car is making loud a rattling noise. Could you take a look at it?”
“Sure.”
Why Do People Do This?
I had a speaking coach tell me back in 1993 that I was a “3-dimensional thinker” when I spoke in front of a group. He meant I didn’t have a clear picture of what I wanted to say, therefore, every thought led me to another thought that became disconnected from the point I was trying to get across.
And I’ve been working on this ever since.
Every time I write an email or make a video I have to remind myself, “Get to the fucking point, Steve!”
It requires me to focus on ONE THING that matters most when communicating. In fact it’s the one thing that matters most when I’m thinking, planning, feeling or doing anything.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Make Your Wife See You As Her Lover AgainHow To Handle Difficult Circumstances As A Mature Confident Man
What is it?
Clarity.
Watch this video to hear why I believe CLARITY must come first.
I made a video two years ago about what “my” definition of masculinity is (you can see it here). The three words I use in that video that are the hallmark of masculinity are, being calm, being deliberate and being pleased.
So when I’m talking about being calm, deliberate and pleased, the question I often get back is:
“Calm, deliberate and pleased, great, I’m living a shit show right now, I’m having a horrible time! My boss, my wife, my kids, my sex life…everything is screwed up. How do I get calm and deliberate and pleased when I’m facing that stuff?!!”
This article is about the foundation of masculinity. The foundation of being calm, deliberate and pleased.
What must come first?
What precedes becoming a calm, deliberate and pleased man who’s confident in his own skin?
CLARITY.
A lot of people say things like “get clear”, “know what you want”, “Know where you’re headed”, “get clarity”, but how do you get clarity and what does it actually mean? Clarity of what?!
I’m talking about clarity in what you think.
Clarity in what you believe.
Clarity in what you value.
Clarity in what you want.
Clarity in what you WILL have.
Clarity in where you are going over the next 30 years.
Clarity about all that stuff.
What is the clarity YOU have about the story of where you’ve come from, where you are and where you plan to go? And what’s the clarity you have about the values driving that?
Clarity gives you perspective and perspective is everything.
When you have clarity about your values, what you believe, what you think, where you’re going, what you expect to experience in the next 30 years, it provides a new perspective.
You feel calm.
You feel like an observer in your life, like you’re sitting in an audience watching a play of your life in front of you.
A coaching client told me recently:
“I’ve got to the point that even though things are not perfect in my life, my marriage or my sex life, I’ve become an observer of everything that’s going on and I feel like I’m watching a play. I’m sitting back and I’m kind of amused and curious. I’m less manic and less anxious and I’m able to respond to what I see in the way that serves me, who I am and what I believe.”
As an observer, that perspective gives you a feeling of being calm. You can be deliberate in what you think and if you’re deliberate in what you think, then all of a sudden, your feelings are driven by what you think.
And when you’re confident and the master of your emotional world (your feelings), then you’ll know what to do next, you’ll know what to say next and you’ll know who you want to be.
That’s why clarity is so important. Clarity is the foundation of BEING a calm, deliberate and pleased man.
This is what we do here at Goodguys2Greatmen. Our mission is to help men become clear. Without clarity, you’re doomed. It’s impossible for a man to be calm, deliberate and pleased if he is unclear.
He can’t decide what to do with his career or business. He doesn’t know how to respond to his meddling parents. He can’t discipline his kids. And he is lost in what to think, say or do in his failing relationship.
How do you get CLARITY?
It must be consciously pursued. It’s a learned skill. It must be a relentless commitment to becoming clear on who you are, what you value, what you believe, what you really want and WHERE you plan to end up in the next 30 years.
This is a new mindset where you feel naturally calm and clear-headed… with a solid awareness that you are okay…you’re okay now…and you’ll be okay tomorrow.
How do you figure out all that stuff?
You commit to spending time learning and growing with other initiated men. Men who are a few steps ahead of you and want you to walk with them in the journey of a lifetime.
We love to help men understand when they’ve been searching for clarity in the wrong places. And when a man gets clear, it affects everything he’s dealing with, love and attention from his kids, affection from his wife, respect in his work.
We would love to help you become more calm, deliberate and pleased in the areas of your life where you’re struggling.
Either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program.
Come and join us and some other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now, join our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.
Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what I want for you brother,
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
Q: Why do I feel overwhelmed and scattered when I try to fix my life or relationship?
A: Because you’re thinking in 3D — jumping from thought to thought with no clarity or direction. Without clarity in what you believe, value, or want, every problem feels like ten problems. Clarity collapses the noise. It creates calm, deliberate thought instead of anxious mental chaos.
Q: How do I become calm, deliberate, and pleased when my life feels like a disaster?
A: You start with clarity — clarity in your thoughts, values, beliefs, and long-term direction. When you know what matters and where you’re going, you stop reacting and start observing. That perspective alone makes you calmer, more intentional, and far more confident in your own skin.
Q: What does “clarity” actually mean for a man in a struggling marriage?
A: Clarity means knowing who you are, what you stand for, what you want, and where you’re heading over the next 30 years. When you’re unclear, you feel lost and reactive. When you’re clear, you lead your emotional world — and your relationship often shifts in response.
Q: How do I get clarity when I feel confused, anxious, or stuck?
A: You pursue it deliberately. Clarity doesn’t just show up — it’s built by slowing down, thinking intentionally, and surrounding yourself with men who are already clear. When you spend time with grounded men, their perspective sharpens yours. That’s how direction and confidence return.
Q: Why does clarity matter so much for confidence and masculinity?
A: Because clarity gives you perspective, and perspective gives you power. When you know who you are and what you want, you stop reacting to everything around you. You become the calm, deliberate, pleased man who chooses his responses instead of being controlled by emotions or circumstances.
Q: How will getting clarity change my marriage, career, or confidence?
A: Everything becomes easier. Decisions stop feeling overwhelming. Conversations feel calmer. Attraction increases because you’re grounded. Your kids respond differently. Your work improves. Clarity is the root system of masculine confidence — it stabilizes your mind, strengthens your choices, and makes you damn proud of the man you’re becoming.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
