How To Address The Lack Of Sex In Your Marriage (& How Not To)
Have you ever argued with your wife or girlfriend about sex?
During my 28 years with my now ex-wife I can’t count how many finely crafted arguments I initiated. Because I think I’m smart, logical and persuasive I thought arguing about sex would somehow yield a different result.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit how stupid and hard-headed I was for so long. I guess some of the best lessons in life come at the expense of doing really stupid s#!@. In my defense, I didn’t have anyone around to tell me any differently.
So here I am for you today. I’m going to tell you differently.
The Top Five Most Classic Sex Argument Starters:
1. How can you possibly think it’s normal to have sex this infrequently?
2. Why aren’t you attracted to me…am I ugly to you?
3. Everyone else is having more sex than we are!
4. Why don’t you ever initiate sex with me?
5. What more do I have to do to get you to want to have sex with me??
Do any of those sound familiar?
Believe me, I understand the underlying frustration, desire and feeling of rejection that drive us to those arguments. But if you’re as smart as I think you are you also know it’s a complete waste of time that only makes things worse.
More resentment. More distance. More cold and dismissive treatment.
The more frustrated and needy we become the more unattractive and undesirable we become. Hell…we even hate ourselves when we’re doing it.
The reason arguing about sex is so stupid is because it implies that attraction and desire are logical.
They are not.
I don’t agree with a lot of the advice that the internet has to say about relationships, but this quote is dead nuts, balls on accurate.
You cannot negotiate genuine desire. The idea that you can rationally barter for someone‘s real desire is the biggest lie ever sold by modern psychotherapy. In fact negotiating has the opposite effect on desire, it only prompts obligated compliance and resentment.
In our coaching we reveal how our boyish insecurity around sex makes us sound whiny and is the foundation for a crappy sex life.
We also teach you how to lighten up, redirect your focus and increase your natural masculine attractiveness.
For example
Stop NEGOTIATING and COMMUNICATING about sex.
Lose the sexual stopwatch and scoreboard from your bedroom. Stop judging her worthiness to you in sexual units of measure.
Re-learn how to PLAY and FLIRT. Remember the connection you had when you were dating was fun, flirty and playful. It was full of positive thoughts and positive tension.
Re-learn the difference between sensual / emotional intimacy and sexual / physical intimacy. She needs you to get this.
Amp up your own sexual value and physical confidence…starting today.
Understand the real reasons behind rejection. The word “No” is not a personal attack on your manhood…stop acting as if it is.
I explain these coaching tips a little more deeply in this video.
“Steve & Dan, your coaching is so straight-forward and easy to understand, it started making things change straight away, I couldn’t believe it!”
Forget flowery compliments.
The best testimonial we could get for our coaching is that it “makes sense”, is “easy-to-understand” and “has an effect straight away”.
There is so much wishy-washy, woo-woo stuff on the internet these days the only way Dan and I could stand out is to be unapologetically heterosexual men who give you blunt, clear and immediately actionable coaching.
Ready to try it out? Here are some options for you…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why does arguing about sex always make things worse?
A: Because attraction isn’t logical. You can’t negotiate genuine desire—it can’t be reasoned, bartered, or guilted into existence. Every argument about sex creates more pressure and resentment. The moment you stop trying to get it, you start becoming the kind of man who naturally inspires it.
Q: How do I stop feeling rejected when my wife says no to sex?
A: Stop taking it personally. Her “no” is rarely about your worth—it’s about her emotional state. Learn to separate physical rejection from emotional insecurity. When you stay calm, grounded, and playful instead of defensive, her resistance loses power and connection can return.
Q: Why does my wife never initiate intimacy anymore?
A: Because she feels emotional pressure instead of playful energy. Negotiating for sex kills desire. Flirting, fun, and relaxed masculine confidence bring it back. Desire thrives where she feels freedom—not obligation. So lead with lightness, not frustration.
Q: How can I rebuild attraction in a sexless marriage?
A: Start by rebuilding yourself. Stop keeping score, stop chasing, and stop proving your worth. When you become a calm, confident, emotionally present man again, you change the atmosphere. Women are drawn to that energy—because it feels safe and exciting at the same time.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake men make when it comes to sex in marriage?
A: Treating it like a problem to solve. Sex is a reflection of emotional safety and playful polarity, not a task. The harder you try to fix it, the colder it gets. Ease up. Focus on connection, laughter, and confidence. That’s where the spark lives.
Q: How can I increase my own sexual confidence as a man?
A: Stop waiting for her validation. Work on your body, your mindset, your purpose. When you feel good in your own skin, you project ease and magnetism. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being unapologetically yourself, no matter who’s watching.
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Have questions about your relationship?
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