Are You F@#$%*G Crazy? Reacting vs. Responding
Here’s the scene.
You’re at work, running behind schedule, and there’s a stack of “to do’s” piling up. You’re stressed. Then your boss or customer calls with an “urgent” matter they want you to work on. Maybe it’s a brand new assignment, a complaint, a personnel problem, or even a new order you’re not sure you can handle.
How do you respond?
If you’re anything like me, you take a deep breath, gather your “calm voice” and talk through the problem. You wrangled your stress for the moment and gave that person the best side of you in the interest of the relationship and long term business success.
You understood the CONSEQUENCES of not losing your cool. It’s important to you that this person feels like you care about them and their problem. You really want to maintain their respect. You successfully resisted the most appropriate response in your head which was, “Not just no, but hell no. Are you f#$%ing crazy?!?”
However, if you’re like me, those words have slipped out more than once at home. If not those words, a similar sentiment and tone which had the same affect. You allowed yourself to react – not respond. You actually KNEW the probable consequences and went for it anyway.
Why do we do this? I know why I have done it.
Resentment. Anger. Indignation. Sexual frustration. Need to “get even”.
Can you add any more to the list?
What’s crazy is that we KNOW better. In our incredible rational, logical minds we know our pending reaction is about to cause even more problems in our relationship. We know it will do nothing to repair the environment which has helped cause all those feelings listed above.
As much as we would like to expect our women to embrace this notion and control their outbursts toward us, this isn’t about them, is it? You can’t make their choice for them – and sometimes – they feel like they can’t either. Emotion and words can fly out of your woman with wild abandon sometimes. It happens. But, guess what?
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Sometimes the only RESPONSE she is hoping for from you is a calm, solid, unrattled energy. Whether you agree or not or can solve her problem or not is NOT the issue. Sometimes she simply wants to see if you can handle her with the rock solid foundation she needs to feel from you. And sometimes that means giving her “the look” or gently letting her know where your boundaries are.
But the last thing you need to do to yourself AND her is to allow yourself to get dragged into negativity.
I know. It’s hard. Being a man is tough work. But you can do it. Be a consistent demonstration of positive energy. Refuse to be put on the defensive. Accept that she needs to feel strength from you and sometimes will “ask” with negative energy.
In other words – RESPOND. You should KNOW that these things will happen. By this time in your relationship you already know her top 10 ways to push your buttons and test your strength. So don’t allow it to drag you down.
Plan your response so you can avoid the destructive reaction. It is destructive to you, to her, and the relationship.
One of my coaching specialties is helping you with good responses to ANYTHING. There is always a better energy and better words you can use to create a TOTALLY DIFFERENT feeling for her. This is part of your job – creating an environment where trust, respect, and attraction can thrive.
Email me your situation and your typical reaction. I will return to you a customized RESPONSE which will get her attention. But beware, after that she will continue to test you to see if she can get some MORE of THAT energy.
Q: Why can I stay calm with my boss but lose it with my wife?
A: Because at work you instinctively respect the consequences, but at home you let resentment, anger, and sexual frustration run the show. You react instead of respond. The truth is, you already know how to respond calmly—you just haven’t decided your marriage deserves that same professionalism and self-control.
Q: How do I stop reacting and start responding when my wife is emotional or negative?
A: You plan your response ahead of time. You already know her top 10 ways to push your buttons. Expect them. Breathe, ground yourself, and choose calm, solid energy instead of defensive words. Your job is to create an environment of trust, respect, and attraction—not more chaos.
Q: What does my wife actually want from me when she’s upset or venting?
A: Most of the time she’s not looking for a fix—she’s looking for your strength. She wants to feel your calm, steady, rock-solid presence. Whether you agree with her or not isn’t the point. She’s checking: “Can he handle me without crumbling, attacking, or running away?”
Q: How can I set boundaries without exploding or shutting down?
A: You combine calm energy with clear limits. That might be a firm but gentle, “I’m here and I care, but I won’t do this yelling thing.” No sarcasm, no name-calling, no defensiveness. Boundaries delivered with grounded confidence make you more attractive, not less.
Q: Why is getting dragged into negativity so destructive for attraction?
A: Because every time you match her anger, you confirm that you can’t regulate yourself. That kills trust and safety. Women feel most drawn to a man who can stay centered under pressure. When you refuse to be pulled into emotional chaos, you become a lighthouse instead of another crashing wave.
Q: What’s one practical step I can take today to change my reactions at home?
A: Pick one common trigger—criticism, nagging, a sarcastic comment—and script a new response. Something calm, short, and strong. Practice it. The next time it happens, use your new response instead of your old reaction. One better moment of energy can change the entire feel of the conversation.
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