After All The “Work” You’ve Done…Why Aren’t Things Awesome Yet?
You’ll notice these words I’m typing are often the same words you’ll hear in the video. Everyone has different learning preferences.
So pick your learning style now…reading, watching or just listening.
I’m going to explain why, after ALL THE WORK YOU’VE DONE, things may STILL not be as totally awesome as you were expecting.
In the context of teaching men who want to create better lives and better relationships, there is a danger of constantly thinking, “Am I there yet?”
Along with that are the thoughts:
- Does anyone notice how much I’ve done or how hard I’ve worked?
- When is somebody going to worry about MY needs?
- Why won’t she work as hard as I am on this stuff?
- Why aren’t we having more of everything as I expected would happen?
- What else should I be doing?!
- After EVERYTHING I’ve read and everything I’ve changed, why don’t I feel AWESOMER?
A good friend of mine is dating a woman who claims to be suffering from her last relationship. She got dumped by a guy and she claims to have some trauma related to that.
She’s a full-time yoga teacher, meditator, mentor, mushroom voyager, voracious reader and dedicated “breath worker”.
And when my buddy told me about all of the drama, uncertainty, ambivalence and anxiety she was having with the idea of committing to a deeper relationship, he joked,
“Jeez, with all that breath work you’d think she’d be a little farther along!”
She’s like a lot of the men who first come into the GG2GM community and start “doing the work”. She believes that by pouring on MORE WORK she will eventually unscramble her monkey mind and start to feel clear and normal again.
You know what is more powerful than doing MORE WORK…more sustainable than reading more books…more effective than struggling through another agonizing marriage counseling session?
Doing nothing at all…that’s what.
Why is this true?
Because for most people, all of that “work” is keeping you from being who you really are.
You’re not a drama filled, anxious, indecisive man. You just THINK you are. So stop trying so hard.
Stop “working” so hard.
Stop distracting yourself with activity that is keeping you from simply sitting quietly, calmly, and peacefully saying out loud…“You know what? I’m actually okay. She’s okay. We’re going to be okay.”
Why does that help?
Because it’s true.
It’s time to give yourself some grace, some space, some patience, some humor and some fun.
You’re not broken, so just stop trying to fix yourself.
Stop trying to manipulate and control future outcomes over which you have no control.
When you stop working so hard, you finally start thinking more clearly, speaking your truth more boldly and taking courageous actions you’ve been afraid of. It’s THIS stuff that actually changes your life.
This is a life skill. It’s what we teach men who are ready to do just enough work to learn the truth about themselves, their marriage and their future.
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I still feel stuck after doing so much self-improvement work?
A: Because growth isn’t about stacking more work—it’s about slowing down. The harder you try to “fix” yourself, the more you reinforce the lie that you’re broken. Real progress begins when you pause, breathe, and realize you’re actually okay right now.
Q: How do I stop overthinking my personal growth?
A: Stop turning growth into a performance. You don’t need another book, another hack, or another deep-breathing app. What you need is stillness—time to hear your own grounded wisdom again. Calm clarity beats mental gymnastics every time.
Q: What does it mean to ‘do nothing’ and still grow?
A: Doing nothing doesn’t mean giving up. It means dropping the frantic self-improvement hustle long enough to let truth surface. In that quiet space, courage and insight finally find you. That’s when change sticks.
Q: Why does trying to control outcomes make me feel worse?
A: Because control is the illusion that keeps you anxious. You can’t script love, respect, or timing. But you can control your energy, your honesty, and your next breath. Peace starts where control ends.
Q: How do I know when to stop “working on myself”?
A: When “self-work” feels like punishment instead of curiosity. When every day becomes another test to pass. That’s your cue to drop the tools and rest. A man who knows he’s enough already learns faster anyway.
Q: What’s the real secret to feeling calm and confident again?
A: Grace. Humor. Patience. The moment you stop grinding for self-approval, you reconnect with the confident man who’s been here all along. He doesn’t need to prove his worth—he just needs to remember it.
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