How to BE More Confident and Attractive to Your Wife
I read something really funny the other day.
A man was asked, “What do you think the THREE most important aspects are in a good sex life?”
His answer?
- The proper length/girth ratio
- Being able to last a minimum of 30 minutes
- Is there a number 3?
This is funny because it’s not far from the truth in how many of us have traditionally measured sexual success and prowess.
But in my humble (but correct) opinion, it’s the wrong measure.
We do this a lot.
Like when it comes to measuring your MOJO.
MOJO is an incredible cocktail of groundedness, mental clarity, emotional strength, calmness, confidence, self-respect and peace of mind.
And how have most of us traditionally measured MOJO?
With a “Femometer”.
This is a highly unpredictable gauge of feminine approval, respect, validation, trust and desire.
When you look at the “Femometer” for a measure of your MOJO you’ll notice the needle bounces around like a polygraph test.
And along with that needle, so goes your feeling of MOJO. It’s all over the place.
Don’t do that. Do this instead.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How To Communicate With Your Wife When Talking Makes Her UpsetWhat is a High Value Man? & Why is it Important?
Create your own MOJOMETER. (noun: mo – JOM ‘ – eter)
I explain more in this video.
When it comes to measuring what level MOJO you’re at, on a scale from 1-10 of how you’re feeling about yourself today, many guys will answer “I don’t know, ask my wife”.
It’s an old joke, but there’s an element of truth to that.
Sometimes we use feminine feedback – how much she seems to like us. how much she loves us, how much she wants to touch us, how much she wants to be with us or how much she approves of us – we use that as the measure for how well we’re doing. But I’m here to tell you that it’s the wrong measure.
If you use the measure of an external source, namely feminine approval, validation and attention, you’re going to constantly feel like your emotions are on a see-saw. You’re emotions will be all over the place.
So what is MOJO anyway?
MOJO is a cocktail of peacefulness, groundedness, a calm confidence, a deliberateness in your body, a sense of clarity in your mind about what you think, what you believe, who you know yourself to be, what you want and where you’re going in life.
I want to help you to be at a Mojo level of 9 or 10 out of ten most days. So I made a new gauge for your MOJO.
The Mojometer… a highly accurate gauge calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. (My Cousin Vinny reference for my brother).
If you weren’t measuring yourself through feminine approval – how much she touches you or how much sex you have, how much she loves you or how much she pays attention to you or whether she respects you – then what would you use to measure yourself?
Talking with a friend today, we came up with four things that really affect your Mojo:
- Mindset
- Nutrition
- Exercise
- Sleep
I have my own battles with nutrition, exercise and sleep, I’m constantly working on that, but the one thing I want to talk about is mindset…
How to get a perspective of masculinity and wellbeing that is separate from external measures.
So how do you use a Mojometer to measure you’re mindset?
Ask yourself these questions:
- What have you been thinking about lately?
- Who have you been talking to?
- What have you been reading?
- How are you feeding your mindset with positivity, calm clarity and peacefulness so that you don’t get dragged into using other people’s measures of how you’re doing?
So you don’t have to say “I don’t know how I’m doing…ask my wife”.
When you’re thinking about how you’re doing on any given day, think about how you’re MEASURING your Mojo. What is your mindset today? How well are you eating? How well are you exercising, how well are you sleeping?
These things are ALL within your control and that’s the key.
Your mindset is how you mold what you can control to your own self-interest? How you create a positive outlook. How you understand that other people’s reactions are not a reflection of you. How you show up happy, peaceful, calm and strong even though other people may be spiraling out of control.
Mojo is all of that and that’s what I want FOR YOU!
So do some reflecting today. What thoughts are you choosing to think? Who do you hang around to strengthen your mind? What books are you reading? What’s the miserable story in your head that’s creating the knot in your stomach?
This is the primary work we do with men in coaching, men’s retreats and our upcoming online courses.
We work on the fearful, angry, destructive thoughts that make men nuts. We look at the mythical stories we tell ourselves about what happiness, certainty and security really is.
We debunk the notion that our MOJO is measured by what people think of us or how our women are treating us.
We support each other in building a brand new perspective and a new thought process about self-respect, personal value and long-term happiness.
It’s your MINDSET that has the largest impact on your MOJO.
This is what we do for men – one man at a time – with our 90-Day Masculine Confidence Intensive.
Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become calmer and more deliberate in creating the relationship you want, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
Q: Why does my confidence and MOJO disappear every time my wife pulls away?
A: Because you’re measuring your worth with a Femometer. When feminine approval becomes your gauge—how much she touches you, wants you, or validates you—your MOJO swings wildly. Real confidence comes from internal stability, not her reaction. Your MOJOMETER needs to be calibrated to YOU, not her mood.
Q: How do I stop letting my partner’s behavior control how I feel about myself?
A: You reclaim your MOJO by shifting the measure from external validation to internal mindset. Your mood, confidence, and peace should come from what you think, how you act, what you believe—not from her tone, affection, or sex drive. When you stop outsourcing your self-worth, your emotional strength returns fast.
Q: What exactly is MOJO and why does it matter so much in relationships?
A: MOJO is a cocktail of groundedness, calm confidence, self-respect, mental clarity, emotional strength, and peace of mind. Women feel it instantly. When you have MOJO, you’re steady, deliberate, and attractive. When you lose it, you get needy, reactive, and unpredictable. Your MOJO determines the energy you bring into the relationship.
Q: How do I measure my MOJO without relying on my wife’s approval?
A: Use your Mojometer:
What have you been thinking?
Who have you been talking to?
What are you reading?
How are your mindset, nutrition, exercise, and sleep?
These are the four pillars that consistently raise or lower your MOJO—and they’re all 100% in your control.
Q: Why do I feel so unstable even when I’m trying to “act confident”?
A: Because acting confident isn’t confidence. REAL MOJO comes from mindset. If your thoughts are fearful, angry, or self-critical, your body broadcasts that insecurity—even if your mouth says, “I’m fine.” You can’t fake masculine calm. You have to build it from the inside through deliberate mental habits.
Q: How do I rebuild my MOJO when I feel stuck, anxious, or insecure?
A: Slow down and work from the inside out. Clean up your thoughts. Surround yourself with strong men. Take care of your body. Feed your mind with clarity, not chaos. When you build internal calm and direction, your MOJO rises. And when your MOJO rises? Everything in your relationship starts to shift in your favor.
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