Attracting Your Wife Back – How You Handle Difficult Conversations
Stupid arguments will kill your mojo and your relationship – it’s a fact.
One thing I became good at during 28 years of marriage was arguing badly.
I have a PhD in things that don’t work.
They say Thomas Edison once claimed, “I never had an experiment fail. I know 10,000 things that don’t work!”
I wish I could be so glib about all of my failed experiments when it came to getting into arguments.
Some arguments are really important. There are disagreements and conversations about important things where both sides need to be heard and understood.
I’m not talking about those.
I’m talking about arguments about stupid shit. I mean those little things that just don’t matter and should never cause the depth of negativity, contempt and hurt they do.
You know exactly which topics I’m talking about.
- How to properly clean a kitchen
- How to properly load a dishwasher
- Which brand of ketchup to buy
- Why someone spent $8 on something…anything
- What that last agitated look was for…etc.
You can probably think of thousands of stupid conversations that you’ve gotten into that have flared up into personal attacks, bad feelings, negative reactions and restless nights of little or no sleep.
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If you’re trying to save a marriage or trying to rekindle passion, intimacy and affection, this is one skill you have to have. You have to learn how to stop having arguments about stupid shit.
Why is this important?
One reason is that when we get baited into that little boy mode of ours about how to properly drive, how to park, how to clean a dish, how to do the laundry – any of those stupid arguments that we get drawn into – we look foolish.
Not only do we look foolish, inside our own bodies as we’re doing it, we hear ourselves and we know that we look foolish, we feel foolish, we feel like a little boy and we wish that we never went down this road or had this discussion.
Another reason is that when you start getting into arguments about stupid shit, it means you are taking everything personally.
When a man is taking things personally, when everything that is a criticism, an insult, a comment or a complaint feels like it’s a personal attack on him because he’s got something going on inside that makes him think he’s stupid – he made a mistake – he is wrong – or he’s not good enough.
One thing we do in our coaching, our retreats and courses, is to help you understand your value.
Not everything that someone says to you in an argument is true. It’s just emotions.
So what we help you to do, is to handle the finer points of female emotion and knowing when not to take the bait to get into pointless conversations about stupid shit.
This helps you to feel stronger, to feel more deliberate, to feel calmer. You’re not rising above her in superiority, you’re not being condescending or dismissive. That’s not what we’re about.
It’s about being aware that in your own body you’re noticing that you’re about to have a stupid conversation about stupid shit and knowing that there are very masculine ways that you can respond during these times rather than reacting in the ways you have been.
There are two ways of handling these arguments that will immediately cause even more harm than the argument itself.
- Build an iron clad case of logic and historical evidence to prove that you are right and she is not only wrong, she’s most likely crazy and irresponsible. If it happens at 8pm, try to drag out your defense until 10pm with a disgusted look on your face.
- Go totally silent. Stew in your anger and assume she is making a personal attack on your manhood and quite possibly your penis size. Disappear for the evening and have an exhaustive conversation in your head where you have all the “perfect comebacks”. Go to bed mad and ignore her.
I’m allowed to call you out on this stuff because…remember…I’ve earned a PhD in this stuff.
Both of those options have a 100% success rate in making matters worse, creating more distance, less attraction, less trust and less respect.
Both options also have a 100% success rate in making you feel horrible, giving you a knot in your gut, causing a loss of sleep and making you wish you could have a “do-over.”
Part of our coaching helps men have their “do-over”.
This is a powerful exercise of imagining yourself in a much more confident skin.
When you have your “do-over” from a clear, confident, calm place you are RESPONDING instead of REACTING.
You feel proud of who you are being and the situational awareness you have. It’s like watching it in slow motion. You don’t feel threatened.
You’re more curious and amused with yourself for almost taking the bait and implementing one of those bad options.
You breathe more deeply. You relax.
HOW do you do this?
It’s not a “how” question. It’s not about technique or tactics.
It’s a “why” question. It’s about principles and values.
Why does one man respond and another man react?
Because the man who responds has a totally different perspective.
It’s liberating. It’s the best form of freedom…emotional freedom.
Is this something you want? Do you want to feel more relaxed and confident?
Who doesn’t?
This is what we do for men – one man at a time – with our 90-Day Masculine Confidence Intensive.
Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission.
If you want to become calmer and more deliberate in creating the relationship you want, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
Q: Why do stupid arguments trigger me so fast, even when I know they don’t matter?
A: Because stupid arguments poke the insecure part of you—the part that takes everything personally. When you feel criticized about dishes, driving, or $8 purchases, you react like a little boy instead of responding like a grounded man. The issue isn’t the topic. It’s the meaning you attach to it.
Q: How do stupid arguments actually destroy attraction and intimacy?
A: They make you look—and feel—like a man who can’t regulate himself. When you argue over nonsense, your mojo tanks, her safety drops, and respect erodes. Women don’t pull away because of the ketchup brand… they pull away because your energy feels reactive, petty, and unpredictable.
Q: What’s the fastest way to stop taking everything so personally?
A: Slow down and check your internal story. Not everything she says is a character assassination—it’s usually just emotion. When you notice your body gearing up for a stupid argument, breathe, relax your shoulders, and ask yourself, “Is this really about me… or is this my insecurity trying to fight for attention?”
Q: How do I avoid getting baited into pointless arguments without sounding condescending or checked out?
A: You stay calm, present, and grounded. Not superior. Not dismissive. Just steady. Respond instead of react. You might say, “I hear you,” or “Let’s not let this small thing ruin the night.” Masculine leadership is choosing what deserves your energy—not letting every poke become a war.
Q: Why do logic, proof, and “building a case” always make things worse?
A: Because logic is your attempt to win. But winning kills connection. When you try to prove she’s wrong—with evidence, timelines, and courtroom theatrics—you escalate tension, validate her fears, and sabotage trust. Logic doesn’t soothe emotions. Calm presence does.
Q: What does it actually look like to respond like a confident man instead of reacting like a scared one?
A: It looks like emotional freedom. You breathe deeper. You stay curious instead of defensive. You stay amused instead of offended. You avoid the silent-treatment meltdown and the 10pm TED Talk of evidence. You hold your center. That’s a man with mojo. That’s a man who earns respect and attraction.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
The Most Attractive Masculine Men Know This In Their BonesHow To Become Fascinating To Your Wife Again
The Uncomfortable Truth to Getting What You Really Want in Your Marriage
The Key to Being the Husband Your Wife Wants in Her Bed
How Can I Be More Confident In My Marriage?
