How To Stop Making Decisions You Regret
Each year I climb up a ladder to make a video for you (and myself, to be honest).
It’s my Annual Hummingbird Husband video and, this year, I’ve added something new.
You see, I’ve always compared the hummingbird to the nervous, jittery and needy energy us men can have when faced with a distant, disconnected and/or angry woman.
I’ve explained how the mountain lion is the opposite of the hummingbird in his cool, calm, confident and STEADY energy.
In this video, I explain it a new way.
Enter the TORTOISE.
In his proverbial race with the HARE the tortoise is shown to be plodding along without any sense of urgency or concern.
The hare, on the other hand, is racing ahead, getting distracted and generally having an annoying impatient, urgent and frantic energy.
The hare and the hummingbird are cousins. They thrive on chaos and anxiety. And they both exude a general lack of focus and composure.
If you look closely, you’ll see the tortoise has a slight grin on his face. He knows something. And he’s perfectly okay staying in his lane.
Dan Dore and I were sharing a pint (or two) in England last week and we were laughing about how the tortoise is a great symbol of the calm, deliberate and pleased energy that makes up healthy, mature masculinity.
We even decided that if we open a pub together, it will be named The Smirking Turtle.
Anyway, take a look at the video and this year’s hummingbird message.
Tortoises can tell you more about the road than hares. ~ Khalil Gibran
This message is about the wisdom in slowing down. It’s about being more PRESENT and really seeing what’s going on around you.
It’s about slowing down your THINKING. And when you can slow down your thinking, you have time to think about all those crazy THOUGHTS that are trying to make you anxious.
The tortoise metaphor is about staying in a frame of “profound well-being”.
Of course, it sometimes makes sense to move swiftly and make decisions quickly. But with the wisdom of the tortoise, you will take those actions and make those decisions with a smirk on your face.
The key here is that anxiety, uncertainty and urgency are optional.
And when a man get this, he moves in such clear, deliberate steps it appears like he’s flying.
If you’re a man who wants to feel a “profound sense of well-being”, then you’re in the right place.
We teach men every day how to think clearly, feel deeply and move deliberately and confidently.
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: What does the “Hummingbird Husband” mean?
A: It’s the man who’s constantly buzzing—checking her tone, chasing reassurance, overthinking every move. His anxious, needy energy kills attraction. When you learn to slow down, breathe, and stand steady like the tortoise, everything shifts. Calm is magnetic.
Q: How do I stop feeling anxious and reactive with my wife?
A: You slow your thoughts down. Anxiety lives in fast thinking. Confidence lives in stillness. When you take the time to breathe and think before reacting, you move from panic to presence—and that’s when she starts to trust your energy again.
Q: Why is slowing down so powerful for men?
A: Because urgency kills clarity. The tortoise isn’t lazy—he’s deliberate. When you move slower, you see more, think better, and stop chasing. A steady man feels safe, certain, and grounded. That’s the energy that builds respect and attraction.
Q: What does it mean to have a “profound sense of well-being”?
A: It means your peace doesn’t depend on her mood, your job, or what happens next. It’s the quiet confidence that says, “I’m okay right now.” That grounded presence is the foundation of mature masculinity and emotional leadership.
Q: How do I stay calm when everything feels uncertain?
A: By accepting that uncertainty is normal—but anxiety is optional. The tortoise doesn’t panic; he just keeps moving with purpose. The same goes for you. Slow your pace, trust your footing, and you’ll find your rhythm again.
Q: Why do calm men seem more attractive to women?
A: Because calm equals safety. A woman can relax and open up around a man who isn’t flustered or desperate. When you lead with steadiness instead of speed, you create polarity—she feels drawn to your grounded, masculine presence.
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