How To Make Real Lasting Changes In Your Marriage
From 1999 to 2005 I owned and operated a Bed & Breakfast (and Horse Hotel) in the mountains of northern Colorado.
Many of my guests were from a large Buddhist retreat center about a mile down the road.
These were people seriously into “personal growth work” and many were repeat guests.
They learned how to meditate, how to be mindful, how to be kind to themselves, how to witness their own thoughts and how to end their suffering by detaching from their desires…and lots of other cool stuff.
In fact, if you read much of the stuff I write about that cool stuff may sound oddly similar. Most personal development stuff does. It gives you a shot in the ass for the moment and is easy to consume. It can be as habit-forming as a bag of “Sea Salt and Vinegar” potato chips. (my weakness)
And that’s the problem.
Personal growth work can often be a long-term diet of cotton candy quotes and cliches.
Do you ever find yourself gorging on personal development books, videos, podcasts or retreats only to find yourself right back where you started a few weeks later?
I saw that a LOT from my Buddhist B&B guests. They never seemed to “grow” or “develop”. They seemed to be in a perpetual dark funk searching for answers. And they returned every few months for another hit of cotton candy.
Their “personal growth work” was really a crock of sh*t. Just going through the motions.
In this video, I explain what I think they were missing.
Does this apply to you?
Accountability.
That’s what was missing.
“Accountability separates the wishers in life from the action takers who care enough about their future to account for their daily actions.”
~ John Di Lemme
I started some personal development in the 80’s reading stuff about leadership and management. Then there was “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” which made me think deeply about my own habits and thoughts about success.
I kept those thoughts to myself for the next 15 years. I had nobody to talk to about my secret fears and ambitions to actually IMPLEMENT the things in those books that moved me emotionally.
As a result, I made no real changes and continued to let life happen to me and reacted the best I could.
Then at age 50 I discovered the miracle of working with other men. These were men who challenged me, pushed me and believed in me more than I believed in myself.
I learned that my prior lackluster life was the result of keeping my “personal development” a big secret from the world. Most of my friends were not interested in talking about the stuff that was putting knots in my gut. The knots were my desire to go deeper.
I had zero accountability to myself. And I had no one to help hold me accountable. No parent. No teacher. No mentor.
This is why I created Goodguys2Greatmen.
I wanted to recreate my experience of being in a powerful, supportive brotherhood of really smart, caring men. These are men who relish in the challenge of thinking bigger, speaking more unapologetically and taking bold actions.
This brotherhood is all about compassion, understanding, support AND accountability. We don’t let men off the hook easily when we see them making the same mistakes and using OLD THINKING to solve to same OLD PROBLEMS.
Are you ready to start making changes faster than ever?
Are you ready to make up for the lost time caused by inaction?
Are you ready to learn life-changing perspectives about marriage, women and sex that your father never told you?
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why doesn’t personal growth seem to stick for me?
A: Because consuming information isn’t the same as transformation. You don’t need another book—you need accountability. Growth happens when you speak your truth, take action, and have men who hold you to your word. That’s how lessons become lifestyle.
Q: What’s missing from most men’s personal development work?
A: Accountability and brotherhood. Most men try to grow alone, but isolation kills progress. You need men who’ll call you out, not comfort you into staying stuck. Real change starts when someone cares enough to challenge your excuses and push you forward.
Q: How do I know if I’m just “thinking” about growth instead of actually growing?
A: If you’re inspired but not acting, you’re stuck in information mode. Growth isn’t about collecting insights—it’s about implementation. When your thoughts don’t translate into bold decisions, it’s time for accountability and real coaching.
Q: Why do I keep slipping back into old habits after learning something powerful?
A: Because nobody’s watching your follow-through. Without accountability, inspiration fades. You need a structure—a coach, a brotherhood, a goal—to anchor what you’ve learned. Repetition builds habits; accountability builds results.
Q: What’s the fastest way for a man to create real change?
A: Stop doing it alone. Join a group of men who are serious about growing. When you combine masculine support, clear goals, and honest feedback, you’ll move faster in months than you have in years of solo “self-improvement.”
Q: Why is accountability so powerful for masculine confidence?
A: Because it forces integrity. When another man expects your best, you show up differently. Accountability trains your brain to honor your word—to yourself and to others. That’s where confidence comes from: consistent alignment between what you say and what you do.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
Don’t Ignore These Divorce Warning SignsWhat To Do If Your Wife Wants To Leave Your Marriage
How To Be A Confident Man Even When You’re Being Called A Narcissist
Your Need For Her To Be Happy Is Killing The Passion In Your Marriage
Why Has My Wife Stopped Wanting Sex With Me?
