Before Any Marriage Gets Better You Need This First
After over 10 years of coaching men to create better marriages there’s one factor that makes the biggest difference.
When conflict and sexual frustration have developed in a relationship, there has been a long history of unhappy feelings and bad behaviour from both people.
Your partner knows all about the negative energy you have both created. While she is feeling unhappy and emotionally exhausted, she also knows how she has come-up short in how she has been treating you too.
When a woman feels like this, it’s impossible for her to feel sexually attracted to you.
But often us men don’t feel the same way.
We tend to think that connecting sexually now would help reconnect and sooth the bad feelings and negative energy that you’re both feeling.
She thinks this is INSANE.
This is a huge turn-off for her. To her, you wanting sex right now feels unattractive, needy, un-manly, and a little desperate.
There’s no way that she’s going to want to have sex with someone she’s not attracted to.
She knows that she’s treated you badly, so how could you possibly still feel attracted to her and want to have sex?
If you consistently make sexual advances toward a woman who is feeling unattractive she will also find YOU unattractive.
If you request sex from a woman who KNOWS she’s been both acting unattractively and not showing that she’s attracted to you, she WILL lose respect for you.
There’s a very old cliché that goes: ‘Women need to feel intimacy before having sex – men need to have sex to feel intimacy’.
Clichés are born for a reason. There is a lot of truth to this. But you’re not a slave to it.
So what can you do?
In this video we discuss a change you can make in how you’re showing up in your relationship that can flip a switch and rekindle affection, trust and respect in your relationship.
She will only trust you enough to be intimate and sexual with you when she knows you’re good in yourself without her.
You must choose a new principle for yourself and starting operating by it today. The new principle will mean taking sex off the table unless the feelings YOU require are present.
The new mindset requires you to raise your standards and expectations for HER to earn sexual intimacy with YOU. You are the prize here, not her. Scary stuff, huh? I know. That is a critical mind-shift.
It’s time you hit the reset button and starting acting like the prize you were before things got rough.
It’s time to remember and embrace the YOU who was irresistible to her in the beginning, before bad feelings and bad behavior became a problem.
Taking sex off the table until your conditions are met is essential.
These conditions are FIRST about meeting the expectations you have for yourself in regard to how you feel and how you treat her.
These conditions are ALSO about her choosing to meet your expectations for how you want to feel and how you expect to be treated.
This is called “setting your boundaries” – first for yourself, then for her.
This isn’t easy work. It’s a huge change for most of us. We can help you understand this and exactly HOW this is going to go for you.
You could carry on with how things have been, or you could make the decision to DO something different. Something new. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better about yourself.
If you want to learn more about how to take a big, confident step toward being the prize in your marriage, we would love to help you get there. Below are some options you can take today to start changing your life tomorrow…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why doesn’t my wife want sex anymore, even though I’m trying to reconnect?
A: Because she doesn’t feel emotionally safe or attracted right now—intimacy for her starts with trust, not touch, and trust begins when you stop chasing and start leading.
Q: How can I rebuild sexual attraction in a marriage that feels cold and distant?
A: By resetting the power dynamic—raise your standards, stop pursuing validation, and show up as the calm, confident man she was once drawn to.
Q: Why does wanting sex make me look needy or unattractive to my wife?
A: Because when you seek sex to fix emotional disconnection, it feels like pressure, not passion—she needs to see that you’re solid with or without it.
Q: What does it mean to “take sex off the table” in a struggling marriage?
A: It means valuing yourself enough to pause physical intimacy until mutual respect, warmth, and genuine desire are back in the relationship.
Q: How can I be the “prize” again when my wife has lost respect for me?
A: Start by treating yourself like the prize—set boundaries, live your values, and rebuild your inner peace so attraction grows naturally around your strength.
Q: What’s the first step to creating emotional safety and desire in my marriage again?
A: Focus on your energy, not her response—when you’re calm, clear, and self-respecting, her defenses lower and connection becomes possible again.
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