How To Stop The State Of Your Marriage Overwhelming You
Guess what men report as their #1 issue when they are staring into the face of a pending separation or divorce.
If your wife has become cold, distant, detached, defensive or constantly indifferent, you already know what it is.
It’s ANXIETY.
In this context, the anxiety feels like a knotted, nauseous, agitated feeling of uncertainty that never seems to stop.
It takes our emotions from intense sadness to intense fear and, often, uncontrolled anger. Can’t eat. Can’t sleep.
It sucks.
And the reason it sucks is because your thinking is gripped by the notion that you have ZERO CONTROL and ZERO INFLUENCE over the alleged source of the anxiety – your wife and her feelings.
This is where some serious coaching is required.
I know you think the anxiety is 100% caused by HER and the wishy-washy uncertainty she’s created in your life.
But the key to managing your anxiety is making the choice to change the way you’re thinking about your loss of “control”.
Watch this video, then keep reading.
The Keys to Eliminating Your Marital Anxiety
As I mentioned in the video, anxiety is usually caused by a few things:
A perceived loss of control over your circumstances and emotions
A loss of connection to meaningful relationships and a sense of belonging
A loss of connection to clear and meaningful values
A loss of connection to your sense of self-respect and confidence
A loss of connection to a story of a safe and happy future
Notice that all of those are in your control.
You may THINK they are out of your control.
You may THINK you have no choices and no power.
And you may THINK the ONLY possible solution to your anxiety is to engineer the ONE AND ONLY outcome that will satisfy you.
The bad news is outcomes have ALWAYS BEEN OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.
We fool ourselves into thinking that certainty is the source of peace and well-being. That’s never been true. And you must liberate yourself from requiring certainty to keep you safe and happy.
The good news is there is a proven path to regaining control of your thinking and your emotions.
You can begin to OWN your story of the future no matter what happens.
You can regain the self-respect and confidence you may have had before your thinking got polluted.
And you must begin to declare a new, empowering set of values and personal boundaries that give you a sense of autonomy and control over your responses to the things you don’t control.
This “proven path” is the Goodguys2Greatmen Masculine Confidence coaching method. It’s the foundation of all of our programs, retreats and courses.
Many times we help you reconnect and reinvent your relationship. A version 2.0 of you can lead the way to a version 2.0 of your marriage.
And in every case we help you reconnect and reinvent yourself, your values, your confidence and self-respect.
You learn to lead yourself and your relationship to a place that wasn’t possible when you were anxious.
Are you ready to start taking control of the stuff you can control?Here’s how to take your first steps.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why do I feel so anxious when my wife pulls away?
A: Because your mind believes your safety and self-worth depend on her approval. That illusion creates panic. The truth? You’re anxious because you’ve lost connection to your own sense of control, purpose, and confidence—not because of her distance.
Q: How can I stop marriage anxiety when I can’t control her?
A: Shift focus from control to influence. You can’t force outcomes, but you can lead yourself. Reconnect to your values, breathe, slow down, and rebuild emotional strength. When you calm your thinking, your energy changes—and she feels it too.
Q: What causes anxiety during separation or divorce?
A: The fear of losing control, belonging, and identity. When your whole sense of security sits in her hands, anxiety runs wild. You calm it by reclaiming ownership of your story—your values, actions, and mindset. That’s your real control.
Q: Can I feel confident again while my marriage is falling apart?
A: Absolutely. Confidence isn’t about guarantees—it’s about clarity. When you know who you are and how you want to live, you stop reacting to uncertainty. You become steady. That’s when real leadership—and attraction—returns.
Q: How do I regain control when everything feels uncertain?
A: Start with your thinking. You can’t control outcomes, but you can control your meaning-making. Choose thoughts that strengthen you, not scare you. Create new routines, reconnect with other grounded men, and anchor yourself in your core values.
Q: What’s the fastest way to calm relationship anxiety?
A: Slow your breathing, move your body, and refocus your thoughts. Stop interrogating her or chasing answers. The calm you’re looking for doesn’t come from her clarity—it comes from yours. Peace follows the man who owns his mind.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
