He Went From Never Having Sex To Turning It Down – True Story!
True story…I couldn’t make this stuff up.
Meet “Brian”.
Hardworking, kind-hearted, dutiful father and under-sexed husband of 15 years.
Brian told me this on a phone call the other day.
“I’m almost embarrassed to tell you this – given my whining and shit over the last few months. But I had to turn Emily down for sex this weekend.”
“Why does that embarrass you”?
“Well, first, I felt bad doing it. I know I’ve bitched about the lack of sex to her and to you. And, second, it feels weird. Is this normal”?
“Why do you think you turned down her offer”?
“Simple” he said. “I just wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t NEED it. I was good. I was happy. I was tired. And it’s kind of freaking me out.”
There’s a lesson here for you and I, so I made this video to explain it further.
When Brian became happier when he was away from Emily, he discovered he didn’t need her to make him happy when he was with her.
There’s a part of this story you don’t know about Brian.
He’s been doing a form of self-work very few men do.
Prior to this Brian was the horniest, people-pleasing, pressure cooker of sexual neediness I’ve ever known…except for me – years ago.
His hot pursuit of sex with Emily would have made Buford T. Justice proud.
He was relentless. It was more than just a healthy sex drive and a game of pursuit.
The way Brian described it was like this. “It was like Emily was my flying tanker of validation and happiness and I was a refueling fighter jet constantly running on fumes. Looking back I can see how my intense desperation affected her.”
Brian’s epiphany hit him after about 8 weeks of working on his mojo. He took a deep dive into his “good guy” history and his strained relationship with his own sexuality. We uncovered his pervasive feelings of self-doubt. Then he started seeing clearly how much power he bestowed upon the opposite sex.
Scary power!
Then his epiphany hit him like a 2×4.
“I’ve been secretly trying to get Emily to make me feel good about me. She’s losing respect for me because I’ve been pressuring her to validate me. And I’ve treated sex as something I have to GET from her instead of a gift I can GIVE to her.”
This was just the beginning.
Brian started changing the way he thought about himself and his own sense of security and happiness.
He realized Emily had nothing to do with that.
He started improving himself, his health, his business and his mindset.
Brian figured out he could want Emily without desperately needing her.
This allowed him to back off the hot pursuit and give her something else. He gave her his time, attention, laughter, goofiness and unapologetic affection.
When Brian became happier when he was away from Emily, he discovered he didn’t need her to make him happy when he was with her. He adopted his own energy – his own mojo.
And that’s when things changed.
Emily was apparently a little concerned about these changes.
She thought the only reason a guy would become happier, more secure and less needy was if he had found someone else to sleep with.
So she started checking up on him, asking him why he was coming home late and sneaking into his phone for evidence – just like Brian was doing to her weeks earlier!
There was no evidence.
She started asking him more questions – asking for help with silly things. She would sit on his lap for no reason. Then she started wearing her hair differently.
She was sweeter than ever.
That’s when she went for the big guns. She initiated sex.
And it was fantastic.
They went on for a few weeks like this – taking turns turning each other on.
And Brian was satisfied. More than sexually satisfied – he was satisfied with who he was being.
He no longer saw sex as a mainline injection to boost his ego. Sex was incredible with Emily, but it served a different purpose. It was just another way he could love her. He definitely wanted sex but was no longer emotionally addicted to the high of sex like before.
Why?
Because sex no longer defined his value, worthiness or happiness. He learned those come from another place and Emily’s body wasn’t it.
Back to the rejection story.
The night Brian decided to turn down sex was worrisome for him.
He thought it was weird. Maybe he should get his testosterone checked.
Maybe he wasn’t attracted to her anymore.
While he was admittedly still a little pissed off about all the times he was rejected, he decided he wasn’t trying to punish her.
It’s just that he was tired. He was happy. He was good.
I could tell he was smiling when he said, “I just wanted to cuddle dammit! Is that so wrong”?
If you’re tired of needing sex to feel like a whole, confident man, then below are some options for you to change right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Q: Why did Brian turning down sex make such a big difference in his marriage?
A: Because it proved he no longer needed validation through sex. When a man stops chasing approval and starts owning his peace, his energy shifts—and that’s when respect and attraction naturally return.
Q: How can I stop needing sex to feel confident and masculine?
A: By realizing your worth isn’t between her legs. Confidence comes from knowing who you are without external validation—through purpose, health, humor, and grounded self-respect.
Q: Why does my wife pull away the more I try to please her?
A: Because neediness feels heavy. When your happiness depends on her reaction, she feels pressure instead of desire. Give her space to come toward your calm, not your craving.
Q: What happens when a man finds happiness without his wife’s validation?
A: Everything changes. When you’re content on your own, you stop grasping for control and start leading with relaxed confidence. That’s when real intimacy—emotional and sexual—can actually grow.
Q: Is it wrong to want affection but not feel desperate for it anymore?
A: Not at all—it’s healthy. Wanting is masculine; needing is anxious. When you can want connection without losing your peace, you’ve found real emotional power.
Q: How do I rebuild my masculine mojo if I’ve been needy for years?
A: Start by focusing on yourself—your body, purpose, mindset, and brotherhood. Learn to validate your own worth and let desire become an expression of strength, not a cry for approval.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
