I Want Her To Love Me Is That Wrong?
This is one of the most common questions we help men with. Is it wrong to want her to love you? The problem is how you choose to respond when you are in a relationship with a woman who is not loving, affectionate or even kind toward you.
I Want Her To Love Me And Validate Me.. Why Would That Be Wrong?!
You will recognize it because I know YOU have asked this question – at least in your own head.
Hell, I’ve asked myself this question in a variety of ways over the years.
Here’s the question exactly as it appeared today in one of our group chats.
“Just a question to satisfy myself. I hear a lot in this group : do not be seeking approval , do not be looking for validation from your Partner.
But really isn’t that what every person in the world wants? Don’t we all want to be loved? And isn’t that what love is supposed to do? And isn’t that what we try to so with our wives? Make them feel loved and adored? Isn’t that what relationships do?
If we don’t get approval from our partner what is the point of the relationship if we can’t give that and receive that?
Or are we all supposed to believe Def Leppard …’Love bites’?”
If I start typing an answer now, I may never stop.
There’s so much to say, I’m going to go straight to video.
Here are 7 minutes of man-to-man coaching on this subject.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How to Become So Confident That You Can Turn Down Sexual IntimacyMy Wife Doesn’t Want Me to Touch Her Anymore
This is what your dad, uncle or grandfather may not have told you.
Is It WRONG To Want Her to Love Me??!!
Bottom Line: No, It’s Not Wrong To Want To Be Loved BUT…
…As I always say, there is a HEALTHY way and an UNHEALTHY way express your desire for love and intimacy.
There is a SECURE way and an INSECURE way to show up in a relationship.
There is a MATURE approach and an IMMATURE approach to getting what you want from your life and ALL your relationships.
Some people believe that two people should learn to soothe, nurture and support each other’s wounds and insecurities.
More related articles for you:
How To Get What You Want Especially If You Really Really Want ItHow Stop Walking On Eggshells Around Your Wife
I would agree! That is a hallmark of two loving, conscious and emotional mature people.
But if a man is constantly feeling resentful, angry and/or dissatisfied in his marriage, there’s a good chance he has work to do on the loving, conscious and mature part of himself.
- It changes your daily attitude about your relationship.
- It changes your perspective on what a healthy marriage is.
- It gives you confidence and compassion when things aren’t going perfectly.
The thought “I want her to love me” can be filled with positive energy and mature invitation. Sometimes all you need is a new perspective. Becoming more loving, conscious and mature will quickly change your whole life.
This is what we do for men.
It’s what we love to do 24/7. It’s all we think about.
And we’re really good at it.
There is a reason most men tell us that a one-hour phone call with us gave them more insight and actionable guidance than a year of therapy.
I want you to experience this.
I want you to explore what “personal growth” really means for a man like you.
And I want YOU to want that.
Click this link to go to the Contact page on my site.
Fill out the unusually personal questions.
Be honest. Be thorough.
Let us show you something you didn’t expect.
No strings. No sales pitch.
That’s a promise.
Q: Why is it a problem if I want her to love me and validate me?
A: Wanting love isn’t the problem. The issue is how you go after it. When “I want her to love me” turns into seeking approval, begging, or monitoring her moods, you hand her all your power. A secure man wants love but isn’t dependent on validation to feel worthy.
Q: How do I know if I’m seeking unhealthy validation from my partner?
A: Notice how you feel when she’s distant, critical, or not affectionate. If you become resentful, angry, or constantly dissatisfied in your marriage, you’re probably chasing validation instead of practicing self-respect. Unhealthy approval-seeking says, “Please fix my insecurities.” Healthy love says, “I like who I am and I’d love to share that with you.”
Q: What’s the difference between a secure and insecure way of wanting love?
A: Insecure love says, “I’ll feel okay only when she loves me the way I want.” Secure love says, “I want her, but I don’t need her to prove my value.” A secure man owns his emotions, takes responsibility for his growth, and invites intimacy instead of demanding it.
Q: How should I respond when my wife isn’t loving, affectionate, or kind toward me?
A: First, don’t collapse into “I must not be enough.” See it as information, not a verdict. Ask, “What kind of man do I want to be right now?” You can set boundaries, speak honestly, and stay grounded. That’s the mature approach to getting what you want in all your relationships.
Q: What do I do if I feel angry and resentful that I’m not getting the love I want?
A: Take that resentment as a signal, not a life sentence. It usually means there’s personal growth work waiting for you—around self-worth, boundaries, and emotional maturity. When you become more loving, conscious, and mature yourself, “I want her to love me” becomes a confident invitation instead of a desperate plea.
Q: How can personal growth actually change my marriage and not just my mindset?
A: When you grow, everything shifts. Your daily attitude toward the relationship changes. You stop obsessing over her approval and start showing up as a calm, grounded, mature man. That new energy changes how you talk, how you listen, and how you love—and often, how she responds to you.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
