What To Do If Your Wife Wants To Leave Your Marriage
It hurts when your wife wants to leave your marriage, we will do almost anything to fix it, but what’s the most effective solution?
In this article I explain why “trying to fix your marriage” is the wrong approach and a sure-fire way to screw it up. So what should you do instead?
Facing Your Fear And Pain
When men first reach out for help they are almost always feeling immense fear and pain…and they want to FIX that fear and pain right now!
All of the sudden your reality has changed and you don’t like it.
You thought the story was going to go one way and now it has made a terrible turn.
She wants space. She wants freedom. She wants to feel connection. She wants to feel alive. She wants to find herself. She wants to escape some vaguely defined prison of anxiety and pressure.
And apparently it’s all your fault.
This is when a man will want to talk about FIXING things – quickly.
He wants to fix himself, fix her and fix the marriage so the fear and pain will go away and everything can go back to being just like it was supposed to be.
When I explain the reality of what is in front of him he gets nervous.
I explain that he has no control over her feelings or her decisions.
I explain that the final outcome of his marriage is out of his hands.
And when I explain that the BEST CHANCE to fix anything is to start with fixing himself he will ask:
“Yeah but, what if I become a better man and she STILL leaves me?!”
Think about that for a minute.
What’s going on in his head here?
This is the most common mistake men make when trying to save their marriage.
They want to know:
“What if this doesn’t WORK?!”
What’s the matter with this line of thought?
Watch this video for a deeper dive into why this is stinkin’ thinkin’.
What if I Become a Better Man and She STILL Leaves Me?
The Problem With The Question, “What If It Doesn’t Work?”
When you decide to become more confident, calmer, clearer and grounded in your own sense of value and well-being…there is nothing that needs to “work”.
That IS the work. The measure of your work is not in the outcome of your marriage, her desire for you or any other EXTERNAL result over which you have no control.
You decide to become this man because it’s important to you no matter what.
Other articles you may find helpful:
My Wife Is Happy Around Everyone Else But MeHow To Act When Your Wife Wants To Leave
And here’s the other thing we don’t get at first.
There is NO WAY the older version of you stands a chance of attracting her back into a relationship.
Panic, pleading, promising, pressuring and demanding will only make things worse.
The reality is that your future is uncertain.
But you can create certainty in how you respond and how you choose to THINK about this whole process.
And your first thought needs to be:
“F*ck this. I’m going to become the very best, strongest and most attractive version of myself no matter what. I want that for me regardless of the outcome.”
Now THAT attitude will serve you well. I guarantee it.
What happens when you read that? What do you FEEL right after saying that out loud?
It’s liberating. The knot in your gut loosen just a touch.
It’s empowering.
More related articles for you:
How to Use Being Separated to Save Your MarriageTrapped In a Sexless Marriage, What Can You Do?
You begin to see that even in the discomfort of uncertainty and an unpredictable outcome in your marriage…you get to create your own certainty.
Creating Your Own Certainty When Your Wife Wants To Leave
I want to invite you to do the next uncomfortable thing to help yourself.
1. You already secretly googled stuff on the internet looking for help with your marriage Check.
2. You read this article. Risky. But you did it. Check
3. You actually read this far! Riskier. But you survived. Check
4. You’re thinking about taking another step. Good.
5. You can fill out an application to schedule a “No Strings, Deep Dive, Blow Your Mind, Feel Better Immediately Consultation Call” with a coach who has LIVED YOUR LIFE!
(ugh! Who the hell does that?)
6. You decide that this knot in your gut is a sign you’re supposed to do something big for a change. Something for you. No more games. (horrifying! not really…)
Try it. You’ll like it. No…you’ll actually love it. I promise.
Click here and answer some deep questions nobody has ever asked you before.
It’s a real wake-up call when your wife wants to leave you. Use this time in your life as a gift. No more gliding along. It’s time to start taking responsibility for the life you want to have.
Q: How do I save my marriage when my wife wants to leave?
A: You stop trying to “fix your marriage” and start stabilizing yourself. The only effective path forward is becoming calmer, clearer, and more grounded. You can’t control her decisions—but you can control who you choose to be during the hardest moment of your life.
Q: What do I do when my wife says it’s all my fault?
A: Don’t fight the accusation and don’t collapse under it. Her emotions aren’t yours to manage. Your job is to face your fear, breathe, and respond from clarity—not panic. Her story may change a hundred times, but your stability is what rebuilds respect and attraction.
Q: What if I work on myself and she still leaves me?
A: That’s the wrong question. You don’t upgrade your mindset, confidence, and emotional strength to keep her—you do it because it’s who you want to be regardless of the outcome. Becoming a better man is never wasted effort. It pays you back whether she stays or not.
Q: How do I stop the panic, fear, and knot in my gut right now?
A: By shifting your thinking from “Will this work?” to “I’m becoming the strongest version of myself no matter what.” That shift creates immediate emotional relief, because you’re no longer begging for certainty—you’re creating it through who you decide to be today.
Q: Is trying to fix my wife or my marriage pushing her further away?
A: Yes. Pleading, promising, pressuring, or proving your worth all scream insecurity—and insecurity kills attraction. Stop trying to fix her feelings and start leading yourself. A calm, centered man is far more compelling than a frantic one trying to stop the bleeding.
Q: How do I create certainty when the future of my marriage is totally uncertain?
A: You create certainty in your response, not the outcome. Certainty comes from choosing your values, your boundaries, your mindset, and your actions every day. That internal stability is how you reclaim power when everything around you feels out of control.
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