Should I Get My Separated Wife A Christmas Gift?
When you’re in a period of separation with your wife it can be confusing to know how to treat her especially around the holidays and special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries…
Every year about this time we hear the following question over and over again: “My wife and I have been fighting/separated/getting divorced/not talking/not having sex/etc./etc…I’m totally confused. Should I get my separated wife a Christmas gift? Should I even consider giving her anything at all? What should I do??” I could answer this question in one sentence. By the end of this article, you’ll be able to as well. There’s even a free PDF link towards the end if you need more clarity.
Should I Get My Separated Wife A Christmas Gift Since Christmas Is About Giving?
It’s not about what you “should do”.
It’s about what you “should be THINKING”.
This is not a matter of right or wrong or a matter of what she “deserves”.
It’s strictly a matter of who YOU are and what YOUR values are.
And if you’re unsure about those two things nearly all of your life’s decisions will be painful.
In the following video, I explain a simple trick to know how you really feel about this.
It’s done with the flip of a coin.
Watch this to see the mental “coin toss trick”.
Should You Buy Your Runaway Wife a Christmas Gift?
Should You Buy Your Runaway Wife a Christmas Gift?
“Presents are made for the pleasure of who gives them, not the merits of who receives them.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
In the video, I explained why the gift you decide to give must be a gift that makes YOU happy. By this I mean you must choose a gift that aligns with your deepest truth about how you feel. It must be congruent with your values about your relationship and the honest regard you have for her.
The last reason to buy a gift for ANYONE is to manipulate their feelings or their thinking.
If you are thinking about buying a “perfect gift” to create any particular response or outcome, you must avoid giving anything.
If you believe giving a gift will somehow validate you or gain her approval of you, you must avoid giving anything.
I want you to get right in your thinking first.
What Would You Give If You Had ZERO ATTACHMENT To Any Outcome Or Response?
My partner and friend Tim Wade created a free PDF for you called:
The Confident Man’s Gift Guide During Separation
This is 10 pages of shear wisdom on this topic that answers questions such as:
- When you should give your runaway wife a gift (and when you shouldn’t!)
- 3 Ways to change your thinking about the holidays during separation (and feel better now)
- How to choose the right gift for the right occasion
- How to respond if she gets pissed off
- This is a gift from Tim. No strings. He loves giving stuff away. And this is how you can think about gift giving too!
When it comes to women, marriage, sex and all things romantic men tend to OVER COMPLICATE things.
When we make our very first contact with men on the phone our only goal is to bring them CLARITY.
It’s Crucial You Learn How To Simplify Your Thinking
Focus only on the things that really matter.
One of the most enjoyable things we can do is to listen to you talk for 30 minutes and then give you a powerful, 30-second summary of everything you said in return.
Guys always say,
“Holy crap! Why can’t I be that clear and concise? You barely know me but you know my situation better than I do!”
Clarity about your feelings requires you to have clarity about your thoughts.
Clarity about your thoughts requires you to have clarity about your values.
And to get about clarity your values you must be able to ask yourself some really clear and powerful questions!
That’s what we do all day every day.
For you…and men exactly like you.
A husband stressing with the thought “should I get my separated wife a Christmas gift” can find instant relief when he checks his motives….When aligns with his values..When he enjoys being that man.
If you want more clarity about how to think about this, then you may need to ask for help.
And if you’re not sure how to ask for help then just click the link below to set up one of the most incredible conversations you’ll have this year.
Click this link to go to the Contact Page on my site.
Fill out the unusually personal questions. (just answering these is an exercise in clarity)
Take the next step.
You’ll learn something your dad never told you.
That’s a promise.
Q: How do I decide if I should get my separated wife a Christmas gift?
A: Stop asking “should I” and check motives. If the gift aligns with your values and makes you happy to give—without attachment to outcome—go for it. If it’s to win approval or manipulate feelings, don’t. That’s the core of “should I get my separated wife a Christmas gift.”
Q: Why does the “flip of a coin” trick help during separation and holidays?
A: The coin toss surfaces your truth. As it spins, you’ll quietly hope for heads or tails—that’s your answer. Use it to cut through confusion about Christmas, birthdays, or anniversaries and act in congruence with your values, not fear or people-pleasing.
Q: What to do when I’m tempted to buy the “perfect gift” to change her mind?
A: Don’t. If the goal is a particular response—more sex, less conflict, a text back—skip the gift. Gifts during separation should never be manipulation. Choose only what reflects who you are, not what you’re trying to make happen.
Q: How can I pick the right gift during separation without overcomplicating it?
A: Simplify your thinking. Ask: Does this gift feel honest? Does it fit the occasion? Would I give it with zero attachment to any response? The Confident Man’s Gift Guide During Separation frames this: right gift, right reason, right timing—led by values, not anxiety.
Q: What do I do if she gets angry about any gift I give?
A: Stay grounded. You chose a values-aligned gift; you can’t control her reaction. A calm, confident man listens, owns his intent, and doesn’t defend or chase. Remember: clarity about your thoughts and values beats scrambling for approval every time.
Q: How do I get clarity when I’m spiraling about holidays, divorce, and separation?
A: Clarity starts with values. Write a 30-second summary of what you’re feeling and why. Then ask: “What would I give if I had zero attachment to outcome?” If you’re still stuck, get help—men often need a concise mirror to hear their own truth.
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