How Your Anger Affects Your Wife
Your anger affects your wife negatively. The best route is to let it pass quickly. Emotions like shame and feeling vulnerable can fuel anger. I’m going to show you how to calm these emotions.
Today I was perched on the top step of a crooked ladder, standing on one foot with a framing nail gun in my hand as I leaned out to put just ONE MORE nail in the siding.
Everything in my brain said, “this is stupid”, but I kept going.
Then BAM! I was on a pile of rocks with blood running down my arm.
The anger was already boiling before I even hit the ground. I knew exactly what happened and why.
Then the embarrassment set in as I DID have a witness. The worst kind. The one woman I would prefer to see me in a better light.
I’ve always loved building stuff. Especially when it’s well planned, organized and things go just how I imagine they should.
This She Shed/He Shed project has mostly gone really well. Until today.
I was in a hurry. Rain was coming. And I thought I could take the kind of risks I used to take when I was 29 – not 59. Actually, the risks never paid off then and they didn’t today.
I explain the whole thing (and show you my boo-boo) in this video.
How to Not Die a Grumpy Old Man
Your Anger Affects Your Wife But Your Anger Behind Your Anger Affects You.
We tend to believe that anger is simple. We think it’s a normal emotional reaction to something that ticks us off, offends us or scares us.
Have you ever had an angry outburst over something only to realize later there was something else going on inside you? Has your temper ever gotten so ridiculous that you became more angry at yourself for allowing it to go that far?
All too often what’s hiding behind our externally expressed anger is the SHAME of not doing better, knowing better or BEING better.
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That’s what I was really mad about today. And guess what?
I’ve learned that the SOONER I ADMIT IT the better I feel and the better the day goes from that point forward.
Typically, we will make quick moves to defend our anger and silly outbursts because admitting we’re ashamed of being an ass is too much to bear.
My coaching for you today is to MOVE FAST to admitting the truth. Yes…out loud. Admit to yourself and admit to any witnesses (or victims) of your anger.
One reason women absolutely hate it when their man gets mad is because it scares them. They think we don’t have any control and we don’t have the ability to see how badly it affects others.
When we can quickly show that we have a handle on it, own it, laugh at ourselves and move on…the faster your relationship will get back to normal. I guarantee it. Try it this weekend.
If you’re reading this email and thinking, “Damn, I wish I had other guys to talk to about this stuff.” join the club.
I know exactly what you mean. I spent 5 decades THINKING about this stuff, secretly reading about this stuff, but had nobody who really enjoyed TALKING about this stuff.
It turns out the most powerful, interesting, confident and courageous men I’ve found are those who have the ability to be open, honest, unapologetic and vulnerable about this stuff. It’s changed my life. I want the same for you.
When I say “join the club” I mean it.
Chronic anger takes its toll on a man. You can see how your anger affects your wife too. Connect with safe men who are not afraid of their vulnerability. Heal your shame with men who care for you as a brother. A man who does this finds his anger passes quickly.
Join Dan Dore and I in the Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable group for amazing conversation, coaching and insights. This is stuff your dad never told you.
And if you’re on the edge of divorce with threats of leaving or requests for “space” then the How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb online course would be perfect. This course taught by coach Tim Wade and I also has a large, active group of powerful men who support each other on a daily basis. It’s possible that the group interaction is more valuable than the 9 hours of video coaching in the course!
As we say without reservation in the video, “This shit works!”
Click those links to get more information, videos and FAQ’s. You’re in the right place.
Q: Why does my anger affect my wife so negatively?
A: Because anger feels unsafe to her, even if you’re not trying to be threatening. When you explode, she doesn’t just hear the words — she feels a lack of control. A calm, self-aware man who can admit his mistakes quickly is far more reassuring than a man defending his outburst.
Q: Why do I get so angry so fast, even over small things?
A: Most men don’t get angry at the problem — they get angry at themselves. Embarrassment, shame, frustration, and feeling inadequate sit underneath nearly every outburst. When you recognize that anger is often self-directed, it becomes easier to pause, breathe, and reset before you hurt the people you love.
Q: How do I calm my anger before it damages my relationship?
A: Move fast toward honesty. Admit out loud what’s really going on: “I’m embarrassed…I rushed…I messed up.” This simple truth-telling dissolves shame, which is the real fuel behind your anger. When you own it quickly, the emotion passes and your confidence returns just as fast.
Q: What’s the best way to repair things after I lose my temper?
A: Take responsibility immediately — without excuses or defensiveness. Acknowledge the impact, laugh at yourself a little, and show you’re in control of your emotions. Women relax when they see a man self-correct quickly. It proves you’re safe, self-aware, and not ruled by your frustration.
Q: Why does my anger seem worse when I’m ashamed or feeling vulnerable?
A: Because shame makes you feel exposed, and anger becomes a shield. When you’re embarrassed about falling short, you lash out to regain control. The fix isn’t anger management — it’s shame management. Men who confront their hidden insecurities become calmer, kinder, and much harder to trigger.
Q: How can talking to other men help me deal with my anger?
A: Safe male connection dissolves shame faster than anything. When you talk openly with men who understand vulnerability, your emotional pressure drops. You stop hiding. You stop overreacting. And your wife feels the difference — your anger passes more quickly because you’re no longer carrying it alone.
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Have questions about your relationship?
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