Why Arguing About Sex Gets You Less Sex
Have you ever argued with your wife or girlfriend about sex?
During my 28 years with my now ex-wife I can’t count how many finely crafted arguments I initiated. Because I think I’m smart, logical and persuasive I thought arguing about sex would somehow yield a different result.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit how stupid and hard-headed I was for so long. I guess some of the best lessons in life come at the expense of doing really stupid s#!@. In my defense, I didn’t have anyone around to tell me any differently.
So here I am for you today. I’m going to tell you differently.
The Top Five Most Classic Sex Argument Starters:
1. How can you possibly think it’s normal to have sex this infrequently?
2. Why aren’t you attracted to me…am I ugly to you?
3. Everyone else is having more sex than we are!
4. Why don’t you ever initiate sex with me?
5. What more do I have to do to get you to want to have sex with me??
Do any of those sound familiar?
Believe me, I understand the underlying frustration, desire and feeling of rejection that drive us to those arguments. But if you’re as smart as I think you are you also know it’s a complete waste of time that only makes things worse.
More resentment. More distance. More cold and dismissive treatment.
The more frustrated and needy we become the more unattractive and undesirable we become. Hell…we even hate ourselves when we’re doing it.
The reason arguing about sex is so stupid is because it implies that attraction and desire are logical.
They are not.
Other articles you may find helpful:
How Blake Saved His MarriageWhat To Do When Facing Your Wife’s Emotions
I don’t agree with everything “Red Pill” guru, Rollo Tomassi, has to say about relationships, but this quote is dead nuts, balls on accurate.
You cannot negotiate genuine desire. The idea that you can rationally barter for someone‘s real desire is the biggest lie ever sold by modern psychotherapy. In fact negotiating has the opposite effect on desire, it only prompts obligated compliance and resentment.
In our new online course, How to Defuse The Divorce Bomb, Tim Wade and I reveal how our boyish insecurity around sex makes us sound whiny. It’s the foundation for a crappy sex life.
We also give you coaching on how to lighten up, redirect your focus and increase your natural masculine attractiveness.
For example
- Stop NEGOTIATING and COMMUNICATING about sex.
- Lose the sexual stopwatch and scoreboard from your bedroom. Stop judging her worthiness to you in sexual units of measure.
- Re-learn how to PLAY and FLIRT. Remember the connection you had when you were dating was fun, flirty and playful. It was full of positive thoughts and positive tension.
- Re-learn the difference between sensual/emotional intimacy and sexual/physical intimacy. She needs you to get this.
- Amp up your own sexual value and physical confidence…starting today.
- Understand the real reasons behind rejection. The word “No” is not a personal attack on your manhood…stop acting as if it is.
I explain these coaching tips a little more deeply in this video.
“This course is very straight-forward and easy to understand. It got my attention right away.”
Forget flowery compliments.
The best testimonial we could get for this course is that it “grabs you” and is “easy-to-understand”.
There is so much wishy-washy, woo-woo stuff on the internet these days the only way Tim and I could stand out is to be unapologetically heterosexual men who give you blunt, clear and immediately actionable coaching.
We also weave in a fair bit of humor and chuckling at our own histories of stupid mistakes. We share with you our own detailed journeys so you can connect with us and trust what we have to teach you is time-tested truth.
This link has tons of detailed information and 4 sample videos compiled for Modules 1 through 4.
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb
We created a bonus video for men who are facing their wife‘s emotional or physical affair. Tim also made two special videos for fathers and for anyone who is thinking that booze and pot might be helpful at this time.
And I take you to the barn for a series of NSFW (Not suitable for wife) videos where I mince no words in telling you what you’re up against and how you need to navigate some very touchy issues.
And…there’s a no B.S. money back, no questions asked, 100% refund policy if you don’t love it and find it amazing. Check out the sample videos here.
How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb
Q: Why does arguing about sex with my wife always make things worse instead of better?
A: Because desire isn’t logical. When you argue, you’re trying to use logic to solve an emotional, energetic problem. It instantly makes you look needy, pressured, and unattractive. You can’t negotiate genuine desire — all you create is resentment, obligation, and distance.
Q: How do I get my wife to want sex again if talking about it never works?
A: You stop talking about it and start being the man she’s naturally drawn to. That means dropping negotiations, dropping the scoreboard, and rebuilding flirtation, playfulness, tension, and confidence. Attraction grows from energy, not arguments.
Q: Why does rejection feel so personal, and how do I stop taking her “no” as an attack on my masculinity?
A: Because insecure thinking convinces you that “no” means something about your worth. It doesn’t. Her rejection usually reflects her emotional state, not your attractiveness. When you stop personalizing it, you stop acting needy — and that alone increases desire.
Q: What can I do when sex feels rare, awkward, or forced no matter what I try?
A: Shift your focus from results to connection. Re-learn how to flirt, play, touch lightly, build sensuality, and create emotional safety. The dating version of you — fun, relaxed, confident — is the man she responds to. Pressure kills intimacy; play revives it.
Q: How do I rebuild my sexual confidence when I feel unattractive, rejected, or unwanted?
A: You rebuild your own sexual value first. Strength, breath, posture, presence, fitness, and self-respect make you magnetic. When you feel good in your body and comfortable in your sexuality, you stop clinging for validation — and she feels that shift immediately.
Q: What’s the real reason negotiating or pleading for more sex never works?
A: Because negotiation comes from boy energy — insecurity, entitlement, desperation. Women don’t respond to that. They respond to calm, grounded, unapologetic masculine presence. When you lead with ease instead of desperation, desire has room to grow naturally.
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Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
More related articles for you:
Are You F@#$%*G Crazy? Reacting vs. RespondingWhy Trying to Make Your Critical Wife Happy Never Works
How to Respond to Your Wife’s Criticizing as a Powerful, Confident Man
How To Reestablish The Trust Passion & Intimacy With Your Wife
Sinking Into Depression Because Of Your Marriage?
