How to Create More Fun in Your Marriage
Have you ever had that “not so fresh” feeling?
I’m not referring to your hygiene. I’m talking about your overall mood, energy level and attitude.
I’m talking about those times when you feel almost numb or FLAT. You’re neither high nor low. You’re stuck between first gear and reverse. The engine is running but you’re not going anywhere. And you’re concerned about that.
This can happen at any time – good times or bad.
I’m usually talking about a guy whose marriage is stuck in limbo and he’s anxious because things aren’t going anywhere. But it also happens to men who have started making improvements.
What should you do when this happens?
Let me make it easy for you.
Do nothing. That’s right. Don’t try to DO anything.
Think of it like the space between your heartbeats. It’s there for a reason. Your heart isn’t a constant pressure pump. There’s time between the “lub-dubs” for recovery.
For all you medical experts (big bro) just humor me. It’s a metaphor for Pete’s sake.
What if that space between your life’s high and low points is an engineered space meant to give you time to recover, rest, think, reset, learn and grow?
What if you actually don’t need to figure anything out or do anything or worry about crap?
Other articles you may find helpful:
She Can’t Trust You When You Criticize HerHow to Create More Affection, More Touch and More Sex in Your Marriage
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.~English Proverb
I’ve discovered an uncomfortable truth about myself and most of the men I work with.
We are wired for REACTION. We seem to be programmed for detecting trouble.
Then we give it an identity (the “Problem”). Then we analyze it to death with amazing speed and intensity. And then we get on with FIXING it. And if people are involved, dammit, we will FIX THEM TOO!
Advanced Mojo Management Mastery
An author named Mark Manson has become famous for his book and course called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck“. I highly recommend it. It’s not about apathy. And it’s not about detaching from life.
It’s a smart look at your unique mental capacity to CHOOSE what you will care about and that which you will not. It’s about taking responsibility for choosing your response to problems and choosing a path of action that suits YOU.
My version of Advanced Mojo Management Mastery is similar. I teach men how to choose a response and a path that quickly builds clarity of values, strength of character and confident masculine presence.
However, I’ve learned we typically avoid learning this stuff until a MASSIVE problem (divorce anyone?) smacks us in the head and puts us in search of answers.
We’re stuck in this limbo land of uncertainty feeling flat, disconnected and bewildered.
Perfect! This is the space between the heart beats of your life. You’re somewhere between the high of joyous certainty and the low of tumultuous uncertainty.
This is your calling. This is your time to reset – recalibrate – learn – and grow.
You don’t need to “fix” anything or anyone.
You just need to be a man who seizes this time to change yourself. After all, “the only way a change in your circumstances will occur is if something new comes into your life or something new comes out of you.” (B. Burchard)
This didn’t happen for me until around my 50th birthday. I’m always a bit torqued when a sharp minded 35-year-old contacts me for help. I wish I started earlier but, hey, we’re ready when we’re ready. My 58th birthday is coming up next week. Here’s a video about my plans for that!
One of the problems in being a men’s coach is that you need to walk your talk, you need to take your own advice, you need to practice what you preach, and it’s not always easy.
I’ve been talking a lot about Mojo and about how to get out of that flat feeling where you don’t feel motivated.
Recently, I was talking to my sweetheart, we have birthdays coming up here next week and she said, “Well, we never really do anything for our birthdays.”
In my mind, what I heard was, “You never plan anything for birthdays.”
So part of being in your masculine frame, part of having masculine Mojo, is understanding that sometimes you need to be the “keeper of the spark” in your relationship.
Sometimes to have that lover energy even as a 58 year old fart like me.
Yeah, you have to remember there’s a role to play in the masculine frame and that’s to keep things fun, keep things lively.
So when she said we’d never do anything fun for birthdays, I took that as a challenge.
I went online, I said, guess what, she’s never been in one of these puppies before…
And I rented this a 32 foot beast of an RV for four days.
We’re going to get in this RV, we’re going to load it up with food and drink and take a couple dogs, we’re going to head down to Pikes Peak and explore that whole area.
I’m only two hours from there. But I haven’t done a whole lot of exploring all around, Pikes Peak area Garden of the Gods and all of that stuff.
So that’s what I’m going to do.
And in this article, I want to encourage you as the man in your relationship to remember that sometimes being the “keeper of the spark,” that lover, means being the guy who practices what he preaches.
If you’re into this self-work and you’re reading about being the kind of guy you’re proud to be, then remember, sometimes you have to step up and take the lead in creating the spark, creating the fun, creating the mystery, the unpredictability.
I’m even going to make her drive this thing just so she could have a little more unpredictability in her Life.
So that’s what I want to give to you today – how are you keeping the spark alive in your relationship?
What could you do that is bringing a little of that lover energy?
These are the kinds of things we discuss a lot in my comunity of men. We are always pushing ourselves to be better, to have more fun, to know what being a man you’re proud to be actually means for you.
I want to invite you onto this path with me and hundreds of initiated men who want to support you.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
Q: Why do I sometimes feel totally flat, numb, or “not myself,” even when nothing is technically wrong?
A: Because you’re in the space between the heartbeats of your life. It’s not depression or failure — it’s a built-in reset period. Men misinterpret this neutral zone as a problem they must fix, but it’s actually the mind and nervous system doing maintenance. You don’t need to “figure things out.” You just need to stop reacting long enough to let clarity rise on its own.
Q: What should I do when my motivation drops and I feel stuck in limbo?
A: Do nothing. Seriously. The masculine instinct is to analyze, solve, adjust, and control — especially when emotions get weird. But this flatness isn’t a malfunction; it’s recovery. Rest. Observe. Let your brain and body recalibrate. The worst thing you can do in this phase is force a solution or pressure yourself to “perform.”
Q: Why does my mind immediately try to fix something every time I feel off?
A: Because you were wired for reaction, not reflection. Most men grew up learning to scan for danger, identify the “problem,” assign blame, and repair it fast. That’s useful at work, disastrous in relationships, and exhausting for your nervous system. The moment you feel uncertain, your brain falsely concludes, “Something is wrong — fix it.” Not true. Sometimes nothing is wrong.
Q: How do I know if this flat feeling is actually a sign to grow instead of panic?
A: When life feels neither good nor bad — just quiet — that’s the exact moment growth becomes possible. It’s the gap between old patterns ending and new patterns forming. If you resist it, you get anxiety. If you accept it, you get expansion. This “neutral zone” is where men redefine their values, standards, and masculine presence.
Q: How do I get my mojo back when everything feels dull or uninspired?
A: By becoming the keeper of the spark. Not by hustling, fixing, or performing — but by choosing one small, embodied act of leadership or playfulness. It might be planning a trip, starting a new hobby, or doing something unpredictable and fun with your partner. Mojo returns when YOU return… when you show up as the man who creates movement instead of waiting for feeling to show up first.
Q: When should I actually start doing something instead of resting in this neutral phase?
A: When the energy shifts from numbness to curiosity. When you stop reacting and start feeling a tiny pull toward something — a desire, an interest, a spark. That’s your signal. And that’s when masculine leadership becomes powerful again. The goal is not to force action… the goal is to let action rise naturally from a calmer, more grounded version of you.
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