5 Steps to Being GREAT in the Sack!
I read a LOT of articles with that title…just to see what they’re saying, of course.
It’s not like I need any more insight. Hell, after 30 yrs. of trying, I should be damn near perfect by now. ;^)
So, these are for you – in case you’re not perfect yet. In case you want to be a man who is “work in progress”.
That’s how I think of myself. Work in progress. It’s a pretty cool place to live.
Okay. Here they are. Ready?
1. Unlearn what you’ve learned
2. Technique doesn’t matter
3. Use your tongue
4. It’s not all about the orgasm
5. It’s not all about YOUR orgasm
These came from an article you can read in the link below.
The thing about this article by Harris O’Malley (a.k.a. Dr. Nerd Love) is that it is written for single guys looking for casual sex. Read “Be the Greatest Lover She’s Ever Known HERE”
What wrong with that? Nothing whatsoever.
The truth is that every bit of advice in this article for SINGLE guys applies to you and me.
It has to do with what you think and what you KNOW about sex.
I’m guessing you’re married or in a committed relationship.
You dream about the ease and “rejection free” environment of casual sex. At some point, most married guys think that being great in the sack would be SO much easier with someone else. Someone who actually acted like they wanted sex with us.
Other articles you may find helpful:
The Romance Killing Conversation You Must Stop Dead in its TracksDoes Your Bad Girl Wife Need Some Of Your Bad Boy Energy?
Why is that?
It’s because we believe we already KNOW enough, we just don’t get to PRACTICE enough.
If we could actually “practice”, we could definitely improve our skills and performance, right?
Kind of. But don’t get the cart before the horse.
Competence DOES build confidence. But…
It’s important to become competent in your thinking and your knowledge FIRST. What’s that mean?
What I’ve learned in my own life and with working with men like you is this.
The ability to create awesome intimacy with a woman – any woman – hinges on how she perceives you.
Your thoughts and beliefs about her and sex need to make her FEEL:
• Your DESIRE for her, not your DESPERATION
• You WANT her body, but are not ENTITLED to her body
• Your adoration and commitment is not conditional upon her surrender
• Her pleasure is not secondary to yours
• Sex is not your only option for connecting with her
Your knowledge about her and sex need to make her FEEL:
• Your understanding and respect for her femininity
• Your approach to sex is rooted in knowledge of her needs – not what you’ve seen in porn
• Your intellectual curiosity and appreciation of her special anatomy
• Your awareness and attentiveness to her pleasure points and sexual response
• Your unapologetic desire for continuing your growth as a great lover
Practicing and becoming competent in these skills FIRST is what will build your confidence in becoming the lover you want to be.
THESE are the skills that build the trust AND passion which create the opportunities to practice the techniques.
It is the preoccupation with sexual techniques that will sabotage your ability to create sexual desire.
I work with men on this topic every day. The success stories will make you grin.
What’s the BEST part?
They can’t understand why they didn’t become this guy sooner.
It’s the man they’ve always WANTED to be.
Do you want to take this journey?
Let’s talk. Call or email me today.
Without a mentor who gets you, this is going to take you a WHOLE LOT LONGER than you want it to.
Q: Why do I keep reading articles about “how to be a great lover” when I should already know this stuff?
A: Because deep down you know you’re still a work in progress. Every great man is. Mastery in intimacy isn’t about tricks — it’s about how you think, how you show up, and the energy she feels in your presence.
Q: What’s the biggest difference between casual sex advice and what matters in a long-term relationship?
A: Casual sex relies on novelty. Real marriage relies on how she perceives you. Your mindset, your energy, and the way you treat her body, emotions, and boundaries create attraction—not the technique you think you’re “not getting enough practice” at.
Q: Why does my wife seem uninterested when I try to “improve my technique”?
A: Because technique without emotional connection feels hollow. She doesn’t want your performance. She wants your desire, not your desperation. She wants a man who sees sex as connection, not validation. When that shifts, her attraction shifts.
Q: What actually makes a woman feel sexually safe and attracted again?
A: When she feels your presence, not pressure… your desire, not entitlement… your curiosity, not assumptions… your leadership, not neediness. These emotional signals matter far more to her body than anything you saw in porn or read in a “tips” article.
Q: Why does sex feel so complicated in marriage compared to when we were dating?
A: Because back then you weren’t desperate, entitled, resentful, or scorekeeping. You were curious, appreciative, playful, and unpressured. She was responding to your energy, not your technique. The same rules apply now—you just forgot them.
Q: What does it mean to “become competent in my thinking first”?
A: It means mastering the mindset of a grounded, secure, unapologetically sexual man. The man who knows sex is not his only pathway to connection. The man who understands her needs, honors her body, and grows on purpose. Confidence comes from that, not from reps.
Q: How do I actually become the lover I want to be?
A: You build trust, safety, curiosity, desire, and emotional leadership first. You learn how she responds, not how you expect her to respond. You grow your awareness. You create a sexual environment she wants to step into. Then the “technique” becomes effortless.
Q: Why does every man who does this work say, “Why didn’t I become this guy sooner?”
A: Because once you understand the internal shifts, the confidence, connection, and passion feel shockingly natural. You finally become the man you always meant to be—and the man she’s been longing to feel again.
Author 
Have questions about your relationship?
Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men’s Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.
